Hate & love

Chapter 39

But my dream can't be fulfilled. Not here, I don't want a straight jacket,  that'd be bad, and add time. I just want to leave as soon as possible. It truly sucks living here.

Not much of a home. Is it?

I can't find anyway out, and I hate it here. I hate probably everything. Practically every one, too. I'm a bit too pessimistic towards everything. I'd been different earlier, I was so happy,  now I'm not. I can't find joy from anything. Nothing really. Only pain, it makes me feel real. I need that. It's an addiction, I crave. But it's very lethal. I can't do that. I strive for my chance of realism, not my fantasy of a world.

I don't really find myself crazy, just different, but sometimes I understand I am. I can't change it, but maybe that's not a bad thing. I don't get too lonely, they just get on my nerves sometimes.

I need to know who I was seeing; why was she so familiar?

I wanted to die, I need to know. It was all too much.

Who is she?

Why is she here?

Do I know her?

Should I?

This is probably the most complicated thing I've ever experienced. It's weird.

You'll know

"You've already said that."

Well, I'm saying it again.

"Well don't"

Don't you want to know?

"Yeah..."

Wait then

"I've been waiting!"

Wait longer

I rolled my eyes and I sighed ,"How long do I have to wait?"

Long enough

"Why can't you just tell me?"

No reply came, I stayed waiting...

for along time.

But no answer.

My door had a knock, so I got up to see who it was.

I opened up to Hate, he looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I sounded wary.

"I have to leave....but..you have to stay." He said quietly.

"What?"

"They're making me go back home. They think I'm okay, now." He choked out.

"Are you? I am, too." I cried.

"I don't know. And you, you aren't, you know that."

"But I am, and I can't talk to you."

"Why can't you?"

"You have to leave, and I'm just crazy."

"I said that they're making me, I want to stay with you." He blurted.

"No!" I slammed the door on him. I didn't move until I heard him walk away.

I slid my back down the door, and sobbed, knowing I'm yet again alone.

"Ugh." I heard myself cry.

I closed my eyes, they stung from the blinding white room.

My thoughts echoed. All of them.

When am I getting out? If I'm getting out? Am I?

I didn't know, that's the problem.

I wanted to bang my head on the wall, ugh.

And I need rest.