talk || book 7 of 'she's a dixon'

chapter 4

as rick walked away, carl let go of me and stood up. he stood up directly in front of me and offered me his hand to help me up. slowly i took it and he helped me up. hand in hand, we walked to the rv together. 

everyone else had already found a place to sit and rest. looking around, i saw that the only open seat was the one where i had sat earlier with negan. just staring at it, i didn't move a muscle. "come on" carl said softly taking the lead and gently dragging me to the seat. taking off my bow and my quiver, i placed it on the table in front of me. 

rick sat across from us, and to avoid making eye contact with him, i started at where negan had slammed the axe into the table. rick noticed, and looked down at the table as well. "what exactly happened" rick said quietly. i just shook my head no, right now is not the time. rick grabbed onto my hand. "when you're ready to talk about it let me know ok? try to get some rest" rick said looking back and forth between carl and i. i nodded, and rick stood up and left to make his way around to the rest of the group. 

resting my head on carls shoulder, carl placed his head on mine. quickly i started to drift off to sleep. 

"hey guys, we're home" i heard a voice loudly say with a hand rubbing my shoulder. opening my eyes and taking a look around, i saw that it was rick. "go to the house and get washed up, okay?" rick said to me. i nodded and got up from where i was sitting grabbing my bow and quiver. 

exiting the rv, carl was right behind me. everyone else from alexandria started surrounding us with questions. "go home, i'll handle this" rick said quietly to me. grabbing carl's hand, i lead us through the crowd. 

once out of the crowd, carl stood directly beside me. "we stopped by hilltop. maggie and sasha are gonna stay there for a little bit. that's also where we buried glenn and abraham" carl said softly to me. quickly i looked up in confusion. "you were asleep. none of us wanted to wake you cause you had the most exhausting evening out of all of us" carl said knowing my question. 

 i let out a sigh, i wish i got to pay my respects. i'll head over there within the next few weeks. 

silently, we walked to our house. taking my shoes off at the door, i went inside and went to mine and carl's room without saying anything. i placed my bow and quiver onto my bed. going to our dresser, i got a completely new change of clothes. 

carl entered the room as i shut the dresser door, and i passed by him to go to our bathroom without saying a word. locking the door behind me, i placed my clean clothes onto the sink and took a look into the mirror. 

blood completely covered my face. 

abraham's blood, walker blood, probably my own blood. i looked hardly even recognizable. 

 i quickly got into the shower so that i could wash all the blood off of me. looking down at the shower floor, the water was brown and red from all the blood and dirt. after seeing this, i quickly finished my shower and got out. 

after wrapping the towel around me, i grabbed my hairbrush off the sink and brushed through my long brown hair. staring into the mirror while doing this, i started to realize how long my hair actually is. 

now that i come to think about it, i haven't cut my hair once since the world went to shit. that explains why it hits below my chest. 

searching through the drawers of the bathroom, eventually i found a pair of scissors. after parting my hair, i split my hair into two sides. grabbing one of the two sides, i started to cut my hair. i cut it to where my hair hit my collar bone. after doing the same to the other side, i cleaned up my hair from the ground and placed it into the trash can. 

after drying myself off with the towel i had wrapped around me, i put on my fresh clothes and placed my dirty ones into the laundry hamper we had placed into the bathroom. once i hung up my towel, i opened up the bathroom door and turned off the lights. 

when exiting the bathroom, i saw that carl was sitting on the ground across from the bathroom door waiting for me. his eyes widened when he saw me. "you cut your hair?" he questioned standing up. i nodded. 

carl walked over to me, and stood in front of me with a smile. "you look beautiful" he said giving me a kiss on my forehead. i gave him a small smile before walking back into our bedroom. 

 i went over to my bed which was placed across from carl's, moved my bow and quiver, and lied down. carl walked into our bedroom and stood next to my bed. "get some rest, okay?" he said quietly. i nodded closing my eyes. and within no time, i fell asleep. 

waking up, i slowly opened my eyes and took a look around my room. there was no one else there. looking over at my nightstand, the clock said that it was 5 in the afternoon. damn, i was asleep for a long time. 

getting out of my bed, i grabbed my bow and quiver and placed them on my back. i exited mine and carl's bedroom and made my way towards the stairs. when walking down the stairs, i heard voices coming from the kitchen. 

"did reagan tell you what happened while she was with negan?" rick asked. i assumed he was talking to carl. "no, she won't talk" carl stated. "at all?" michonne asked. "no. she hasn't said one word to me" carl said with concern in his voice. 

reaching the bottom of the stairs, their eyes immediately went towards me. "hey reagan!" rick said with fake enthusiasm in his voice. ignoring him, i went over to the sink, grabbed a clean cup, filled it with water, and started drinking it.  

" i was gonna start making supper soon, is there anything specific you want?" michonne asked me with the same fake enthusiasm that rick had. i just shook my head no. "your hair looks nice" rick complimented. "thank you" i said quietly. carl smiled at the sound of my voice. 

"come sit with me" carl called out pulling out the chair that was next to him. after thinking about it for a second, i walked over to the dining room table and sat down next to carl. "hey, are you ready to talk about what happened with negan?" rick asked me. i shook my head no. negan is the last thing i want to think about right now. 

rick sighed. "did he hurt you?" michonne asked. i shook my head no. that was half true. he didn't hurt me physically, but he definitely did emotionally.   "your dad will be okay rae, we'll get him back" rick said out of the blue. 

this whole time, i didn't even give any thought to my dad as bad as that sounds. my dad is with negan, completely helpless. but he will be okay, i know he will. he's the strongest person i know. 

without saying a word, i sat up from the dinner table and made my way to the front door. "reagan" rick called out. i heard one of the chair moves, and i automatically assumed that it was carl coming after me. 

walking down the porch steps, i heard the door open behind me. within seconds, carl was standing next to me. when he grabbed my hand, i stopped walking. "reagan, we just want to talk to you" carl said to me. letting go of his hand, i sat down on the porch step above me. he did the same and sat next to me. 

looking down at my hands, i avoided making eye contact with carl. " i'm sorry all this happened to you, i'm sorry that i couldn't stop it" carl started but i cut him off. "none of this is your fault" i said quietly. 

everything that happened is completely my fault. if only negan had just killed me, none of this would have happened. abraham and glenn would still be alive, dad wouldn't be with them. 

after i wiped a tear off of my cheek, carl grabbed onto my hand. "reagan, none of this is your fault either" carl said. 

a/n

so this book is going to be a little different than my other books. there will be filler chapters like this instead of me going directly off of the episodes.