recognize / b.simmons

16

"'mari?" she's broken out of her trance by the sound of her name being called by nia. she's not sure how long she's been sitting here, it could be minutes, it could be hours.

"yeah?" her voice was oddly hoarse, like she'd been screaming. she doesn't remember screaming, only silently crying after he left, which was god knows how long ago.

"what are you doing?" nia asks, frowning at her friend as she sets her keys and bag down on the table. she was at her mans house, so she was in a relatively good mood, but it was probably about to be ruined.

amari licks her dry lips and shrugs. "i-i dont know," she sounds so weak. she feels empty and broken on the inside, and she's not sure why; not sure why him walking out felt so final. they weren't even dating, not yet at least.

nias frown deepens and she walks over to her friend and stands directly in front of her. "did ben come over?" she asks, already knowing the answer.

amari flinches at the mention of him and feels sad all over again. she had one job, and that was to tell him how she felt, and instead she went and got mad at him. granted, her anger was valid since they agreed to tell each other about dates before they went on them, but still. that wasn't her plan at all. "yes,"she says quietly and nia sighs, taking a seat where ben usually sits.

"talk to me," nia demands, but she says it gently. amari sighs and closes her eyes.

"i invited him over to tell him the truth, finally, and i did. i told him about d'angelo and he was understanding and then," she pauses to take a shaky breath. "a-and then he told me he went on a date tonight, and i got upset. and told him to leave." amari says, and her chest feels heavy. everything feels like her fault; ben and her could've been more if it wasn't for the way she is.

nia stares at her friend, processing the information. she wished it was easier for amari to be vulnerable and put her heart on the line, and accept rejection and to move on when it happened. but this was amari; amari who was used to the attention from men, amari who didn't ask, but was granted their affection, amari who didn't date, the same amari who had her heart stepped on several times by the one she loved, amari who since then, has always had her guard up.

when nia doesn't say something after what feels like forever, amari adds, "bens also leaving for australia tomorrow. he'll be gone for the rest of the summer." her voice was flat, but nia could tell this was killing her on the inside. amari didn't have to say that she liked ben, nia could tell by the way she acted and looked when she talked about him.

"can i say something?" nia asks and amari nods. "don't give up on ben, please? i know you like him-" amari starts to cut her off but she holds her hand up. "let me finish. i know you like him, so just give it a chance. but you need to tell him how you feel, before he goes off to philadelphia and you never see him again because he's busy. tell him tomorrow." nia says making amari shake her head.

"no. i can't. h-he probably doesn't want to see me," amari says, putting her head in her hands. nia rolls her eyes; she was being dramatic.

"hey. stop," nia says sternly, making amari look at her. nia wasn't playing with her. "you're not a pussy ass bitch, alright? tomorrow, you are taking your ass over there before he leaves, and you are telling him. this isn't an option either." nia says, and she means all business. it hurt her seeing her friend like this, all over a guy. this could all be avoided if she just told him how she felt.

amari shaked her head. "i feel like passing out when i think about it. i can't do it alone," amari admits rubbing her eyes with the heel of her hand. she did it until she saw white, and then stopped.