recognize / b.simmons

48

amari puts the phone up to her ear, pacing around her living room as she waits for ben. today was her first official appointment and he insisted that he be there, since when she went when she first found out she told him not to come.

when she visited the doctors the first time, it was just to make sure that she was actually pregnant. the visit went something like this:

amari sits in the waiting room, tapping her foot anxiously. out of every woman in the room, she was the only one alone. ben offered to come, but she told him not to and that he had a career to work. he said he didn't care.

safe sex pamphlets and birth pamphlets are scattered on every table in the OB/GYN office, and amari grabs the one on birth. she flips through, nothing catching her eye until she saw a page titled 'options'.

the first option listed was abortion, and amari skipper over that because she planned to have her baby. the next was adoption and she closed the pamphlet and tossed it back onto the table. she switches from tapping her foot to bouncing her knee.

amari isn't a teen mom nor is she unable to raise her soon to be child, so none of the options directly apply to her. shes fully capable of taking care of her baby.

"amari?" she jumps at the sound of her name being called and gets up, grabbing her belongings. a few girls stare at her as she walks by, all young with bulging bellies. amari catches the eye of a young girl, and they stare at each other, almost sizing one another up. amari narrows her eyes at the girls stomach and continues her walk to meet the nurse, a short filipino woman.

"hello, come on back and we'll get your height and weight," she says. amari nods and follows the thin, brunette nurse to the clinic. "i'm nurse  romero, but dr. malaysia jefferson will be seeing you for your appointment." amari nods again and they stop in front of the scale. amari steps out of her shoes and takes off her jacket and hops on the scale.

she glances down at the number that pops up and frowns. she's gained a little weight, but she didn't feel like she did. her body looked normal.

amari steps down and walks over to the height measurement. nurse romero is too short to reach, so she calls a male doctor over. he takes amaris height and smiles down at her. "i assume you know that you're tall?" he jokes. amari cracks a small smile and steps away from the wall and looks at where it's marked. 5'8''. they were going to have a big baby.

nurse romero takes amari to a room after she puts her shoes back on, and amari takes a seat on the cot, which was next to an ultrasound machine. it freaked her out.

the short filipino woman asks her a series of questions, which amari answers 'yes' or 'no' to. she sits on her hands to keep them from shaking, and nurse romero picks up on it and sends her a small smile. "you'll be okay. i'm going to get dr. jefferson, okay?" amari nods and the nurse packs up her computer and here ready to leave. "do you need anything; water?"

"no, thank you," amari says politely. romero nods and leaves amari to sit by herself in the room. she feels like crying—out of frustration and fear. she can't do this alone.

a few moments later, a knock sound at the door. amari offers a weak "come in" and in walks a tall black lady with kind eyes. amari instantly feels calmer now that she's seen her. she looks like she'd never judge another human being. "i'm dr. malaysia jefferson, but you can call me by either name. you must be amari?" she asks, extending a hand. amari nods and shakes it before putting her hand back in her lap. "so, it says you're here for a pregnancy test?"

"yes," amari says. she planned to lie about having taken a test. she wanted real confirmation—who knew how reliable the ones she bought were? she only bought two.