recognize / b.simmons

18

amari opens her laptop and logs herself in. her computer opens up to a real estate page in chicago. she was thinking about going back, and she was 89% solid in her decision. the other 11% was resting in the hand of ben.

amari already had some boxes packed of things she didn't use. she came home one day, thinking that nia was at work, but she was home because she had taken the rest of the day off. nia knew what she was doing the moment she saw the box, and her eyes immediately welled up with tears. the two women had a cry fest and amari explained her reasoning; the memories associated with LA, and how fast this life was. she didn't like it, and nia respected that—amaris stay here was never destined to be permanent, and deep down, when she first moved here, both she and nia knew it. she was an east coast girl and will always be one.

amari also knew that her leaving shouldn't depend on ben, and it didn't—not entirely. she just wanted to get away from the fast life, and he reminded her of it, whether she liked it or not.

amari sighs and clicks on a new tab and googled the time in australia. it was 7pm here and the time difference was 19 hours, which made it 2pm tomorrow over there. she sighs, and closes her laptop.

she wants to see ben—needs to see him. she opens her laptop again, logs herself in, and googles a flight from LA to australia. "2 racks?!" she yells as she looks at the price. 2k for a damn plane ticket to australia when she didn't even know what part of australia he was in. "what the hell am i doing?" she mumbles to herself, closing her laptop for the second time.

she wishes this was all easier. she wished FWBs was easier, and it was, at first. secretly, she knew way deep down that FWBs never ends in FWBs. someone always catches feelings, she just didn't expect her to catch them. it's even crazier that they both fell for each other.

she wonders when she even started liking ben for more than sex and how long he liked her. he was persistent when they met, but she figured he got over wanting to take her out after their first "meeting."

maybe it was the time where she texted him first, and she was a nervous wreck. it's hard for her to believe that this happened only a month ago.

amari pushes her laptop to the other side of the bed and lays down on her side with the side of head in her palm and the other hand on her hip, and looks around the room. she remembers when she first moved out here, it felt like she was moving into a college dorm again, except this time it was adulthood. she realizes that LA was not the place for adulting. it was the fast life, a giant adult-playground with no rules or morals; a free-for-all.

eventually, amari gets bored, and decides to sleep. she goes to bed thinking about ben.

-

"i'm going to miss you," julie says, hugging her son the next morning. it was 4:30 and ben had just finished putting his last bag into the trunk of the rental car.

ben hugs his mother back and kisses her head. he was going to miss her too, but he was afraid that he'd regret it for the rest of the life if he didn't leave now. "i'll miss you too, mom. but i have to go," he says and pulls away from her. his mom grabs his face in her hands and smiles at him.

"good luck, go get her."

it catches him off guard, but he doesn't have time for questions, so he says okay, and goes on to hug his father and sister, who are equally confused about what his mother just said. "you better not be leaving us for some ass," his sister says, arms crossed over her chest, attitude on ten because she was woken up out of her sleep to see her simp ass brother off.

ben just shrugs and gives her a hug, which she returns. she smirks over his shoulder. "simp," she whispers and he pulls away and pushes her with a roll of his eyes. he was not going to miss this.