recognize / b.simmons

45

amari and ben haven't spoken in two weeks, and amari can't say that it's ruining her life. she misses him, no doubt, but he brought this upon himself. he had the choice to be faithful and he chose not to. it's on him. but they haven't officially broken up, and she's not sure if she wants to.

ben and her had a good thing, despite everything that has happened. they had genuine love for each other, so it makes sense why she'd want to stick with him. but a smart girl would cut it off if she didn't want a karl 2.0.

amari has been working non stop and talking to nia daily, who is still going strong with kemba walker. they're cute and he posted a picture of the two of them in bed with the caption '💘'. nia is the happiest she's been in a relationship in awhile. amari wished she still felt that way.

shes thought about messaging ben, but it's not her place. she also doesn't want to look like she needs him. it's not like amari cheated anyway. he should be chasing after her.

amari holds the phone between her ear and shoulder as she drains the pasta. she was making chicken alfredo for herself and herself only—it's the only thing she knows how to cook.

"i can't believe you spend half your time in boston," amari says, shaking the pasta in the strainer and then pouring it back into the pot.

"i know. i hate it here," nia says, referring to massachusetts. it's cold and white and just different. why kemba couldn't be a clippers, a lakers, or a kings player is beyond her.

"whats so wrong with boston? you're by new york," amari says. she sets the phone on the counter and puts it on speaker so she can cook and listen to nia.

a scoff emits from nias lips and she rolls over on her stomach on kembas bed. "you understand how white boston is, right? the celtics and myself are the only black people up in this muhfucker," amari laughs at her friend and pours in the sauce, garlic, parsley, and chicken, and mixes it all together. "anyway. you doing all right, girl?"

amari licks her lips and dishes herself a plate of food. "i'm good," she leaves her kitchen and takes a seat at her dining table.

"you sure?" amaris fork stop midway in the air as she thinks about this question. is she sure? she doesn't even know.

"honestly, i don't know. i don't feel as sad as i did, maybe i'm used to it," she says, trying to make a joke out of it, but it doesn't land. nia frowns and sighs.

"you shouldn't be used to that, amari," it's amaris turn to sigh and she takes bite of her dinner.

"i know. i just don't get what i did wrong in either relationship," she mumbles, taking another bite of her food. amari looks out across the room to the big window that gives her a skyline view of the city. she wonders that maybe if she'd visited both of them more, she wouldn't be in this situation. she'd still be with karl, living in minnesota. probably with a baby on the way.

"stop. you know damn well it's not your fault," nia says sternly. amari rubs her eyes with the back of her hands and cracks her knuckles.

"okay. but you don't what i don't get?"

"what?"

"how he wanted me more than i wanted him, in the beginning, and chased after me for months even though i kept turning him down, and then still broke my heart. something doesn't add up there," she admits. she's been thinking about this for the last two weeks and hasn't found an answer. amari doesn't get how people can chase after you and still be the one to fuck you over in the end. maybe he really was in it for the sex.

nia thinks about it and licks the corner of her mouth. "i don't get it either. maybe he was just another not shit ass nigga," she says and amari chuckles. probably, she thinks. "but have you thought about getting back in the game?"