Surviving The Blues

2

On Wednesday, I have to be at school by  7. It's an SAT prep. The only one we could afford. Unlike the other kids in my school, I can't pay for SAT classes. They have actually been taking classes since their freshman year and I only started the summer before senior year.

Along with practice on my about 2-hour school ride, the SAT prep is the bare minimum. I do it anyway because it can't hurt. It's a small class led by a teacher named Ms. Jasmine. If it was not for extra coins in her pocket,  she would have probably gotten the class canceled. A class with 9 kids out of 115 seniors is barely a worthwhile early morning.

"Good Morning, Ms.Jasmine." I greet her. She just waves me away. Clearly, her coffee hasn't kicked in.

I take my seat, pulling out the book I bought. "Turn to p.g. 67. Let's talk about skills we can use for SAT passages."

___
   I am in my seat, distracted by my own thoughts. Well, I am until I hear the words "group project", a high scholar's nightmare. I didn't think our Ap Environmental class did group projects.

"Before I explain, you guys can come up and look at the list to find out your partner. Please take a packet for instructions and find a seat next to your partner." She says. I try not to groan out loud, not to pout or anything that might display discomfort, upset, anger, or confusion. My father's paranoia of me being the stereotypical Black girl has made me this way. I follow his instructions on how not to behave. Hopefully, I get a good and competent partner. This is an Ap class, I would hope I would get a partner with a good work ethic. Not somebody like- "Noah Glendale?" I guess that came out very loud as people turn to look at me. Way to blow it Journer, way to blow it. "He hardly comes to class," I mutter to myself.

As if I don't have enough problems, I have the worst partner ever. As if spending summer in the hospital, then some banged up rehabilitation facility wasn't bad enough, this had to happen. It is as if I am being punished and I surely haven't done anything remotely punishable recently. But that's not the point. You are probably wondering exactly who Noah Glendale is, but I can't tell you much. I don't listen for gossip or get involved around here more than I need to. All I know is he's suppose to be what the books might call, a bad boy. He's supposed to be 'troubled', but from my sensible mind, he's just some rich boy selling drugs because having money is too hard.

He's the type that girls follow because they've got it in their twisted minds that bad boys are of the land of milk and honey. You know, thinking they could change him. News flash, that's the majority of the boys in my neighborhood. If I wanted to interact with a 'bad-boy' I would just walk down my street and wait for somebody to yell, "Yo, ma!" As if they would yell that at me or as if I would want them to.

This is just to say that this Noah character is just a poser. I've met 10-year-olds that make better bad-boys. I mean they are more popularly referred to as 'hood niggas', but I call them impending statistics. You know the one's that majority-black schools tell us about so we learn? 1 in 3 people in prison bull craps they spew. Rings a bell?

  I haven't met Noah Glendale. I only know what he looks like because an acquaintance of mine—who refers to herself as my best friend—went out with him for a week in Junior year. In his words, they weren't actually going out but talking. It was his excuse for 'talking' to three other girls that. He's what they call community penis. I glimpsed at him that one time she pointed him out. I can't remember his face though. His face isn't remarkable.

He's not even in class today, not a shocker. I only know because I asked. I just take my seat. I don't even have time to be mad. Seconds later, my mind just goes to another place. A place that just tries to piece that night together. I can't remember it all. The sound of barking and "Hands up. Don't move!" are all I remember before, bam, the gun goes off and it fades to black. It's as if my mind has a replay button and I keep pressing it. It's about to replay for the 30th time when the bell rings, interrupting the replay.