are you broken? so am i. (Strangefrost story)

VI

Strange slowly stood up from his table, frowning. "Are you sure you want it?" "Please, I need to know what I am, who I am and what she is like." "Loki, she's not alive anymore." "Then show me how she died," Loki said, bitterness audible in his voice, craving to see die the woman who hated him so much that she left him. 

Strange thought about it for a moment. Should he show the god what he saw himself? Did he have a right to hide it from him? "Alright, I'll show you your mother." Stephen finally said, still not sure tho. His hand making signs in the air, closing them in the mirror dimension.

Loki looked at Strange confused. "Was it necessary?" "Where we go is needed for you not to be able to change reality. Trust me, I'm doing it for you." With those words, the sorcerer opened a big portal, different than Loki knew, a green one. 

Both stepped out of the portal, Loki recognizing they're standing in front of Jotun fort, Laufey's palace, the portal closing behind them. It was snowing, freezing, battle turmoil audible from afar. 

Suddenly, a Jotun woman ran out of the palace, heading to the temple not far away, trying to hide from the soldiers. She carried a baby, not more than a year old, fear and anxiety visible in her eyes, running as fast as her legs allowed, looking behind herself now and then.

Loki watched the scene, the realisation hitting him soon. "That's her, isn't it?" Strange nodded, watching Loki's expression closely. 

She was beautiful. More beautiful than Loki could ever imagine. Long black hair tied on the back in an elegant braid, her big bright red eyes lined with long eyelashes usually full of love and concern, now soaking with pure fear, her skin glowed blue, covered in patterns, making her look so majestic and graceful, her figure small and slim, not taller than an average human being. 

Loki wasn't able to pear his eyes from her, she was perfect, his heart beating fast. As she ran in the temple, they followed her. She couldn't see or hear them, they were still locked in the mirror dimension.

They were standing not far from the entrance of the temple, watching Loki's mother hiding her child behind the altar. 

"Shh, shh, don't cry, little angel, they could hear you." She said to baby Loki with tears in her eyes. "If they hear you, they'll kill, my little blueberry. You have to live. Don't cry, can you do it for your mummy?" 

She tried to calm him down, stroking his blue cheeks, smiling with such admiration, not wanting to leave her beloved son but she had to if she wanted him to survive, Asgardian soldiers everywhere, not having mercy with anyone. 

"Mummy loves you, never forget it." Then she kissed his forehead, smiling at him for the last time. "Someone will find you. I know it. Maybe we'll meet again, someday." She stood up, looking at her son, her little angel once again. "But for now, goodbye." And with those words, she walked out of the temple.

"No, no... no, Strange, where is she going?" Loki asked anxiously, voice breaking, tears in his eyes. Strange was silent, his head tilted, hiding tears himself. Loki didn't wait for Stephen to answer him and ran from the temple, he needed to know. 

Outside of the building, he saw a group of Asgardian soldiers, searching, but his mother nowhere. He was turning and looking around, spotting her behind a rock not far from the gate when he realised the soldiers were heading to the temple. 

As they were about to enter, a female voice came from behind the rock. "Hey! Hey! Are you looking for me? I'm here! Hey!" Loki's mom shouted at the soldiers, catching their attention. The soldiers immediately went for her, hunting her like an animal. She ran for life but not hers. She knew very well she would die today. She tried to get them as far from her son as possible.

"NO! MOM!" Loki shouted from the top of his lungs, he wanted to run after her, to help her, anything but strong arms snaked around him, not letting him go. 

"You can't help her, Loki! You.. can't.. help her." Strange said with a shaking voice. "We can't ruin the timeline." As Strange finished the sentence, a female scream came from afar, unbearable silence covering the landscape, only wind singing in honour of the queen of Jotunheim. Loki looked into Stephen's eyes, Loki's ones full of pain and so was sorcerer's, he was sorry for his friend and regretted he had shown Loki his mother as he saw how it hurt him.

They were standing there, not able to move. "The battle. It's over, isn't it?" Strange nodded once again. "They killed the queen, they accomplished the mission. The king surrendered because he thought he lost his wife and only son." 

Suddenly Odin stepped out of the temple, carrying a baby, his face soft, neither emotionless nor disgusted, loving. He smiled at the baby, wrapping his cape around him. "You tricked the death itself, little one. From now on, you're called Loki, God of mischief, my son." Odin said proudly. 

The two came back to the compound, Loki visibly shocked by what he'd just witnessed. They were sitting in Strange's room, Loki trying to calm down and sort the thoughts.

"I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have shown it to you." Loki turned to Stephen, fully focused on the sorcerer. "No... don't apologize. I'm glad you did." "You do?" "Yes, I finally know who I am." Loki hesitated if he should tell Strange, open to him. He stared at his hands as he spoke up. 

"I always considered myself as a monster. I thought my mother didn't want me, that's why she left me in the temple, to get rid of me, to let me die. But now... now I know she was the most beautiful, brave and loving mother I could wish for, like Frigga. And she sacrificed her life so I could... live." his voice broke, tears rolling down his cheeks. 

"And even though I can't take her back, I can make her proud, I can try to be like her," Loki said with a smile, raising his head to connect his look with Strange's.

"Thank you, Stephen. Now I know I'm not a monster I thought I was." Strange's face lit up as he took in all the Loki's words, looking down, almost whispering: "How could someone, as extraordinary, smart and gifted as you are, consider himself a monster?" 

Loki was shocked by sorcerer's words and as the words were slowly sinking in, strangely warm feeling filling his whole body, heart beating fast, about to burst out of his chest. "I... I better go... Fury wanted to... see me I can't be late." Loki said after a moment, standing up and leaving awkwardly. 

Strange ran his hands over his face, frustrated. "You bloody idiot. Why couldn't you stay quiet?"