⭕️WARNING⭕️
🛑 Reference to self harm may be triggering
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I wanna feel something anything to get away from this. Crying doesn't help anymore I need to feel numb if I can't be happy then that's it. I only see one option and it's not the best but it's better than slowly killing myself from the inside out. I grab the closest thing and break it not out of anger but to get a sharp edge enough for now. I run to the bathroom unnoticed and sit there staring at my wrists. I don't really think I just do what needs to be done and then it's over and it helps now I just have to cover it. I wash the blood off and wipe away my tears not of pain but because I'm disappointed in myself for getting like this. All I wanna do is smile but all I can do is grab some scrunchies pull down my blazer and walk out as if I'm fine. A smile plastered on my face a blade hidden in my pocket and a scar that's deeper than just what I can see. It stings but I try to ignore it the rest of the day goes by and I add to my mess, I ask myself can it really get worse by adding more the damage is done so what's the point. After last night I decided to get rid of this feeling, I chuck the blade in a bin and tell my closest friends about how I feel I don't think they understand they can't and never will I can't blame them I am pretty messed up. But they listen and I give them the answer they want to hear "yeah I'm fine now I won't do it again." After arriving home and eating dinner I make my way to my room and head straight for the draw where the sharpeners are and grab one I stand on it breaking the edge and the blade slips out into my hand I place it in my pocket and tell myself I'll only use it for emergencies or when I feel really bad, let's see how long this lasts.
