Here's My Complicated Life

The day He Realizes He Needs Me

(Josh's POV)

I wake up to hear myself screaming her name.

I don't know what made me go ahead and forget about her..

Leah dumped me..

It has been..

Then I started to count how many hours it has been..

I miss natalie badly.

I was a jerk.

"ugh. Late realization josh! great going!"

It took me all my motivation to get in the shower..

as I was showering.. I had a flashback, on how Leah went and broke us apart, I thought she was different. Not Like all the other girls I noticed.. But two weeks into the relationship. She said she found a better guy.  I cracked in disappointment. I realized I should Have stayed with the girl who loved me.

My ears rang as a memory in which she crumbled to her knees when she told me "I love you josh, but what Have I done Thats making you leave me?"

Her racking sobs grow louder as I turned my back to her and walked out the door.

I felt so guilty..

So empty..

So much pain was eating me.

Guilt was flowing in..

All she tried to do to make me stay..

I cried at all these painful thoughts..

I cringe at the time I glanced at her while she was talking to emily. Emily caught me staring. and whispered to natalie that I was looking their way. She shot me a short glance and walked away.

I was momentarily crushed at how She looked at me.

Her stare was cold.

As if she could see right through me..

It all came flooding right back when maggie was defending natalie for something she didn't do. Something I did.

My walk of shame was longer than I anticipated as I retreated back to my locker, it was the most painful one I've ever had. I picked up a flyer that showed prom was in two days.

I'd go but..

 I was definitely dateless.

Your fault I mumbled.

When some of my instincts kicked into action that made me realize nathan was standing right next to me.

On his left stood Liam.. 

It was awkward.

But nathan finally broke the silence with a question that struck me.

"Josh, Was leaving natalie the best decision you've so far?"

I stammered a hushed "No"

" I.. I.. Didn't mean.. I was wrong.. I ... I.."

Then I broke..

Because this pressure finally pushed me beyond my limits.

Beyond my boundary.

My eyes got watery.

Nathan stared at me.

"Josh, she suffered a lot because of you, I just wonder how the hell would you just give her out. Why?? She blamed herself for everything that went wrong. Was that even enough to make you come  back? No. Did she ever want this?  No. Are you even thinking of how she would feel if you were planning to do this to her josh?" Liam asked me.