27:17 (TWENTY-SEVEN SEVENTEEN)

Level 6

SFx Huling Sandali by December Avenue

Malapit na rin mag isang taon ang nakalipas nung nangyari yun. Nahanap ko itong sulat ko sa kanya na kahit kailan ay di ko binigay. Kunwari lang pala ang lahat. Walang kasiguraduhan kung may katotohanan ba sa mga nangyari sa amin.

Nagsisimula na akong kalimutan sya. Nagsisimula na makamove on. Dahil bagong taon na. Puno ako ng pagasa na sana maganda ang kalalabasan ng taong ito. Na kung man may pinaghirapan ako ay makakamtan ko din ang tunay na kaligayahan.

Mas pipiliin ko na lang ang sumaya at tingnan ang kung ano ang magaganda. Alam kong may mga tao sa paligid ko na ipapadama iyon sa akin. Hindi man sila tulad ng dati, di na ako magkakamaling iwan sila o sirain ang koneksyon namin. Nagpapasalamat ako sa kanila. Dahil sila ang mas dapat ingatan hindi ang mga taong walang ginawa kundi ikaw ay saktan.

Pero yung liham ko, ito ang nasasaad:

I still remember... almost everything.. I am so scared of wasting my time on not finding you. So scared that I might not be able to fix it. But my best friend said that the time is still raw and your wounds are still fresh and I am still hurting ☹️😞 as if it only happened yesterday. Maybe I will be like this even after a year.

Sometimes I don't want to work anymore because I won't have time to plan on fixing us. I want to save us both from all the anger and pain for all my insecurities and sufferings that I gave you. I can't just let you live like this. Just as much as I can't live knowing that I had caused you darkness.

Back then, when we were friends. I saw your shine, you were so bright like a star ⭐️. But now I can't find you. You seem so lost in the sky and it constantly breaks my ♥️ heart.

I wanted to end myself thinking how impossible it seems for you to forgive me or even trust me again, but best friend said you need time. Those words gave me a little bit of hope. I just felt so alone when you left... it was like you were a Big, big part of me and I have lost more than 99% of myself and I felt like I deserved to die and probably go to hell for the wrong I did to you. But your friend said I didn't do anything wrong. I always felt weak and vulnerable. I was so complacent nothing wrong would happen between us because I knew I was too ugly or unattractive for you to take interest in me. But you showed interest that is why I thought it was real. You shocked 😮 me.

I let it happen because I trust you. I listened to the beat of your heart ♥️. I saw the brightness in you no matter how dark. I have been dark. Now, I am blind living in the absence of your light 💡.

And I disregarded how clandestine we were. I never complained but I was so stupid and selfish, I wanted you for myself which I now regret because it ruined you. But believe it or not, it ruined me too.

I know I must let go. I know you're still angry 😤 but I also know that you loved me too. I was dear to you as a friend. Now I know that you did care for me. You just didn't show it. You won't admit because of your ego.

Maybe one day, you'll get past that. You'll realize that I won't give up on you like all the other girls do. Even if you hurt me I will try to stay strong. I still want to apologize to you and make ways to talk to you. I want to try to find the right time. I hope you're ready to talk to me because I want to listen. I don't care 🤷‍♀️ how many times you mislead people about me, creating lies and stories that would take down my reputation. I don't care. I would let you exhaust all your anger so one day you'll be freed. More than just the word free.

The end of letter

Note: Naalala ko ngayon nung unang beses ko syang pinapasok sa may cashier sa shop. Doon ako lagi nakapwesto pero only authorized personnel ang pwede pumasok doon. Hinawakan nya ang balikat ko, parang inakbayan habang nakatingin sa facebook. Naramdaman ko yung electricity noon. Yung energy na dumadaloy sa katawan nya papunta sa braso nya, sa kamay nya, hanggang sa balikat ko.

Naalala ko din nung tinanggal nya ung dumi sa bibig ko isang beses. Mejo nainis ako noon kasi pinansin pa nya. Pero ngayon narealize ko na sya mismo ang nagtanggal noon. Like, he removed the dirt on the corner of my mouth with his thumb. Parang nagpupunas ng luha, pero yung amos ko ang pinunasan nya. Mejo nakakahiya. I know. Pero ganun nya ako pinahalagahan noon.

Nung ginawa nya yun, napaisip ako.