Summer

My biggest fear.

I spent hours on the phone to Troy. I told him how sorry I was for being so rude to him and ignorant. Troy said it was all fine but deep down I knew it wasn't, He always said things where fine when they hurt him most. He came to me for help and I just brushed him off like it was nothing. Fair enough I didn't exactly know the circumstances but I shouldn't have pushed him away so fast.

For the next few days I proceeded to make sure he was okay. I was not letting my guard down again. Even though he broke my heart a part of me still cared about him, stupid I know. Sometime you just have to hold onto what you have left from the good times, so that's what I was going to do. Mel and Isaac were still getting over the fact that I was letting Troy hang out with us but that was the least of my worries. How were Lilly and Jen going to react once they found out? They have always known I hated him. We had always thought of Troy as the bad guy in our situation. Now that I think about it, it wasn't all his fault. He couldn't have helped the fact that his mum was sick and needed to move away.

I really wanted to go and see Lilly and Jen in person to tell them what has happened but then again it's not my place to tell them Troy's mum died. What was I going to do? Wait for them to find out from other people and have to lie to them or ask Troy and then tell them the truth. The logical thing to do would be to tell them the truth but I don't think I could ask Troy or even talk to him about it.

That night I called Troy because I really needed to get things off of my mind for once and for all. We talked most of the night away about his mum and us. I started to see the old Troy again the one I fell for many years ago. I knew he was always there but now I can actually see it. We got off the phone and a little while after I feel asleep.

I started remembering all the amazing times I had with him. All our sleep overs and endless night laughing at each other. I was in a good place when I was with Troy. I can kind of see my old self coming back and that making me really happy. Everyone always said I had changed and not for the better after Troy left. I became really antisocial towards anyone I didn't know. I wouldn't met new people in fear that they would leave just like Troy did. I had really bad trust issues and other issues I needed to deal with. I could never date anyone after Troy.

Then there was Isaac. He made me forget all about Troy and all the hard times I went through. I really did like him and I was pretty sure he liked me too. What would he think of me if I got back with Troy? I didn't want to lose Isaac as a friend, he was amazing. Me and Isaac where not actually dating but sometime it felt like it. We were so cute together. What happened now I thought to myself? What happened now?

The next morning I woke up to a text from Isaac like always. I really did love my good morning messages from him. There was also one from dad, something I really didn't need right now. I just ignored dad's text and got ready for school to see Isaac, Mel and strangely Troy. It was still strange having Troy about but I liked it. Isaac came up to me and hugged me like always and in the corner of my eye I saw Troy's face kind of flinch like he was annoyed. Was Troy jealous of Isaac?

There it was my biggest fear, having to pick between them. Neither of them had asked me out but it was only a matter of time before one of them did. What the hell would I do then? My best friend for not even a year of the guy I used to love but tore me apart. Everything was telling me to pick Troy but everyone always says what happened in the past stays in the past right? Isaac really was a great guy but was he the one for me?

After lunch I was with Mel and we were walking back to our lockers to get our things for next session. I was almost at my locker when I hears Troy and Isaac talking rather loudly. I stopped and held Mel back with me and we listened quietly. "Look we will just let her pick" "fine because she will always pick me over a guy she has just met idiot" that was as much as I needed to hear. I walked to my locker and they both stopped talking as soon as they sore me. We had math and the whole session Troy was trying to get my attention. I just sat there and talked with Mel the whole time and as for Isaac he was really quiet. That was normal for him when he doesn't know what he's doing.

The day was pretty boring because no one was acting there normal self. I was so sick of it I had to know what was really happening. We were at out lockers and I asked the all mighty question. "So what's going on with you's two today?" both of them stayed quiet until Isaac said "Look summer Troy and I both really like you and neither of us want to make things awkward at all but we need to ask you something" My heart just sort of sunk I guess. Troy then proceeded to say "Which one of us do you pick?" "I umm I ehhh" I couldn't say anything I had no idea what to do. I just ran off. I could hear Mel Running after me. I stopped and let her catch up. "Mel what do I do?!" She had no idea what to do either so what do all girls do? We consult our friends. Mel came over and we called Lilly and Jen for their help and opinions.

By the time dinner was ready I think I had finally made my decision I was going to pick.....

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