I'm Still Standing

35

Jonathan

The 2010 playoffs start with a series against the Nashville Predators. We would have home ice advantage through most of if not all of the playoffs and we were doing really well coming out of the end of the regular season. We made it to the Confrence finals last year so I was hoping this would be the year we would make it all the way.

And it all starts today with the sun shining down on this amazing city. They were prepared for another month and some of hockey and so was I. I was feeling good out there and off the ice too. I was lucky enough for everything to be coming together at the same time.

"What do you want for lunch today" Rachel asks as she rolls out of bed. She's been sleeping with me for a few weeks now and besides her knee brace scratching me it's been pretty great. It sucks when I'm away because I feel so lonely when I wake up by myself in the morning. But it makes it so worth it when I roll over and see her smiling at me.

"I want to make lunch today" I insist as she stops. She looks at me weird as I try to give her my most convincing smile.

"Why" she wonders and I laugh.

"Alright. I can make us some grilled cheese" I admit and she just shakes her head.

"Okay. You can make the grilled cheese but you have to eat more than that. I'll make a soup with chicken and some vegetables so you don't fall asleep during your game tonight" she bargains.

"Deal" I smile.

So I roll out of bed and get ready for morning skate. Luckily Joel doesn't make us do too much and with it being the playoffs I doubt we will have many practices at all. We've had pretty much set lines all season so there isn't much to practice. This just helps us get into game mode so we know what to expect tonight.

After practice I come home and Rachel was already in the kitchen starting on lunch. So I join her and with her instructions I do pretty good with the grilled cheese if you ask me.

"Where are you sitting at the game tonight" I wonder. I always love to find her but I never know to look in the boxes or in the crowd.

"I'm not sure. I think I'll probably end up with Abby and Dayna and them down by the ice" she shrugs.

"Are you sure? After last time you said sitting down there was hard with your knee and you ended up in the hospital because it hurt so bad" I remind her.

"That pain is still easier to bare than being around my family" she says softly.

I feel my heart fall when she said that. "I thought you said they you guys made up" I question.

"I talked to Brandi and hung out with Tracy and Brett, but I still haven't talked to my dad. That's going to take more time than the others because they didn't really do anything wrong. We were just in a difficult situation is all. But my dad... that's different" she defends.

"He's calling all the playoff games so you wouldn't even see him in the boxes" I argue.

"He would still be there talking to his family. People around there would ask where I've been for the past two months and I would have to tell them that I was busy being let down. Plus I really enjoy being with the other girls then when your parents get here I'll be with them" she explains.

I let out a sigh as I turn to her. "You're going to put your body through something it shouldn't just so you don't have to face your father" I question.

I can see in her eyes that's not what she wanted but what she felt like had to happen. "Yes" is all she says.

I turn the stove off and move the pan to a burner that hasn't been on. I walk over to Rachel and turn her so she had to look at me. I can see her eyes get watery as she reluctantly looks up at me.

"You're better than this" I tell her.

"Am I" she questions. I let out a long sigh as I look at her.

"Yes, you are. Despite everything he has put you through you're still here. You're still loving even though he's hurt you. You can't let him get in your head, especially because that's not what he wants and that's not what you want. I know it's going to take some time for you to be with him again but avoiding him and putting yourself in danger is not the answer" I insist.

"Then why don't I feel strong" she whispers.

"Because you don't need to be strong right now. But when you need it the most your strength will be there" I promise.

I softly place a kiss on her forehead before pulling her into my chest. She wraps her arms around me as I hold her close. I hear her sniffle a time or two before she calms down. I wipe away a tear from her face as she looks up at me.

"Thanks for caring about me" she says softly.

"Maybe I just want you to stop hearing you complain about your knee" I tease as she playfully hits my chest. "I'm just messing with you" I assure her.

"I'm sorry if I'm being a pain in the ass" she says.

"Not at all" I assure her. "In fact I love having you here all the time. I've been a loner my whole life and it's nice to have someone who gets me. Having you here brightens up the place and makes it feel like home. I get homemade meals and for the first time in my life I don't feel so alone."

She smiles us again me and I see her eyes lighten a little. "I do enjoy staying here and I think Bailey does too" she admits.

"I would like it if you stayed. You know, after your knee heals" I claim.

"You sure you're ready for that? Your about to be 22 and you have your whole life ahead of you" she insists.

"You mean our life" I correct making her smile again. "I might just be 22 but my whole life I've known what I want, and I want a life with you. I want to see you every chance I get because as soon as I do I feel good. And I enjoy being with you a lot more than anyone knows. I hate sleeping in hotels because the bed feels empty without you. I feel empty without you" I admit.

"If we're being honest I don't want to go back. I was trapped in that apartment my whole life. I finally got out and I see that there's so much more to the world that what I see in there. Everything reminds me of my mom and it hurts" she explains.

"Then stay" I beg.

"I'm home" she smiles.