I'm Still Standing

14

Rachel

Come Christmas Day I end up at Jeremys house. He was very insistent I came over and I told him I couldn't bring presents. But he assured me that as long as I bring mac and cheese again that would be more than enough. So I bring it over and join his family in the living room. I sit with Brett right next to me as he shows me his new hockey puck he got from the game the other day. The Hawks are good with treating their extended family well and this was no exception. Jermey was a big part of this organization and his son was inspired by the team they have right now. Brett never missed a home game and I usually hang out with him and watch. I'm not really sure why he's taken such a liking to me, we've only hung out outside of the rink a handful of times. But he was a cutie and I loved being around him so I didn't mind. I've always wanted a sibling and it looks like I finally found one.

"Are you going to play hockey like your dad when you grow up" I ask him.

He smiles big as he nods his head. "Yeah. I would love to be able to do what my dad did. All my friends know who he was and I want my kids' friends to know who I am. It would be cool to travel and play hockey and not be in school anymore" he claims.

I laugh as he makes a funny face when he said school. "Yeah, school is not for everyone. But if you're good enough you won't have to worry about that" I assure him.

"I hope I am" he says.

"You can do it, I know you can" I wink.

It comes time to open presents and they all hand them out. Jeremy walks over to me and hands me a present making me confused. "For me" I ask.

"Yeah, of course. It's from Tracy and I" he claims.

"Why did you get me something" I wonder.

"It's Christmas, and that's what families do" he smiles.

I wasn't sure how to react because I didn't really want anything for Christmas, I never asked for anything. I wasn't sure what he got me or why. He can't buy my love and there isn't a thing you could put in this bag that could make up for the last 20 Christmases he missed.

But instead of sitting here trying to figure things out I was going to open the present and find out myself. So I take the box out of the bag and see what I was looking at. I see a new pair of white ice skates there and let out a gasp.

I had expressed to Jeremy that I would have played hockey as a kid given the chance. And because of him I never had that chance to do that. Maybe this gift was a little late but the gesture is just as precious. I've always wanted my own pair of skates but up until recently I never really had the chance to skate. Now I couldn't wait to go break these in.

"I... I don't know what to say. They're amazing" I whisper.

"Open the box, there's another part to this" he insists.

So open the box and see something is engraved on the skates. I see "I'm happy you're here" along the side and I see the tears in my eyes.

When I was a little girl and Jeremey started coming around less and less I thought it was because of me. I thought I did something wrong so I would beat myself up. My parents would tell me "you're not a mistake. I'm happy you're here" and it would make me feel... wanted. It made me feel less like a mistake and more like a human being.

"I'm happy you're here kiddo" Jeremy says as he sits next to me. "And I'm hoping you'll stay. I know I wasn't what I was supposed to be, but I can be. And I want you to know that we love you. I ... I love you" he says softly.

I put the skate back in it's box before wrapping arms around him. I feel the tears fall as I burry my face on his chest. He grabs me as he rubs my back trying to make me calm down a little. But I thought this was going to be the worst Christmas ever but he made it one of the best.

"Thanks, dad" I whisper softly. I didn't need to look at him to know he was smiling like a idiot.

"Of course baby" he replies.

We finish up opening gifts and I also got a Roenick jersey from Brett because I didn't have one anymore and he claimed I needed one. I thank him before we put our things away and go to the dinner table. I sit there and talk to Tracy about recipies and other cooking stuff. It reminded me of the conversations I had with my mom and it warmed my heart. Maybe Christmas time wasn't that bad.

Eventually the night comes to a end and I say goodbye to everyone. I thank Tracy for letting me in and welcoming me into their Christmas celebrations and my dad for the skates. I head on back to my apartment so my dog doesn't tear things apart.

I walk up to my apartment but there was someone standing there. I stop and wait until they left but they don't. So I walk up ready to get jumped but relax when I see it was just Jonny.

"Babe what are you doing here" I ask.

"It's Christmas, I wasn't going to go all day without seeing you" he claims.

"You got me something for Christmas, didn't you" I accuse.

He lets out a loud gasp as he places his hand on his heart. "Why would you assume such a thing" he asks.

"You hid the bags behind the plant over there but it has sparkles on it... I can see it" I accuse.

"Oh" he mumbles making me giggle.

"I thought I told you no presents" I whine.

"Hear me out" he begs. He grabs the bags and brings them over before setting them in front of me. "They're pots and pans and a bunch of stuff I think you'll need to cook. My mom honestly had to get most of it but she swears this is the best of the best. I'm going to keep them at my place so we can make meals together and stuff" he explains.

"Okay, that's pretty cute" I admit and he smiles.

"You're not mad" he asks giving me his best puppy dog eyes. If he wanted he could start world war 3 with those things.

"No" I sigh. "I'm not mad. I'm not happy, but at least this is all going in your place. Right..." I trail off.

"Yes they'll be set up at my place" he promises.

"Okay good" I smile.

"So since I'm here I was wondering... can I play with your doggy" he asks.

"Oh my god, you only like me for my dog" I giggle.

"No" he pouts. "I like you and your dog" he corrects.

I just roll my eyes as I unlock to door. We get all his gifts inside and I look at what I was working with while he played with Bailey. I might have splurged and got her new toys and a new collar for Christmas. But she's so cute, I couldn't help it.

"Wow, your mom has great taste in kitchen appliances" I admit as I look at the mixer and bowls and other stuff. It wasn't the cheap stuff either which made cooking easier.

"She can't wait to meet you" he claims and I stop.

"And when am I meeting her" I ask.

"Oh shit" he mumbles as he stops playing with Bailey. "I think I forgot to tell you but they'll be at my place for the new year to celebrate with us" he explains.

"I feel like that's information I should probably know" I tease. 

"I know I know I'm sorry. I just forgot" he defends.

"It's okay baby. Come here" I insist.

He comes over to where I was sitting and I pull him into a kiss. "Merry Christmas Jonny" I whisper on his lips.

"Marry Christmas babe."