Save me Romeo (bxb)

Chapter 32 - My dying Soul

I sobbed into Romeos chest until I had no tears left to cry. The whole time, he hugged me like his life depended on it and Cody did not take his hand away from rubbing my back once. Telling that story, my story, for the first time completely, including the part about dad, was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. It felt like I was finally letting myself morn the death of myself, my old self that is, for the first time ever and did not just bottle my feelings up or not confront myself with them. And for the first time, I did not feel weak when I showed my true emotions and shed a tear. Romeo made me feel strong and the way he hugged me told me, that it was ok, that I was not less of a man or a person for admitting that what had happen to me was very fucking bad.

After the tears had stopped falling, I pulled away from Romeos embrace, enough to finally see, that he has been crying too, as well as Cody had. When somebody hurts a person in some way, they never stop to think, that the pain will spread to their loved ones and ruin their lives just as much and sending them into painfully depressing and helpless phases. No one ever thinks about the people that get hurt along the way and that they aren't cared for, as they put all their energy and time into healing the person that has been hurt the most. Their pain isn't any less important and present as the victim's and there is nothing we can do to heal it. Now I was even more looking forward to going to family therapy with my brother and mother, as they needed emotional healing just as much as I did.

Romeo leaned forward and pressed soft kisses on my cheekbones and under my eyes, kissing my tears away, before moving on to my forehead and whispering against my skin with a shaky voice "I love you so much, Blake, so so god damn much and I'm so fucking sorry, you had to go through this. Nobody deserves, what you went through, especially not you. God, I-I want to kill that fucking bastard so much and I wouldn't even feel bad for a single second. I promise you, that piece of shit will never ever hurt you again, or anybody else for that matter. I will protect you and if it's the last thing I do." 

Romeo stroke my arm, while his other hand held onto mine. A tear was rolling down his skin and landed on my forehead. This time, it was my turn to gently wipe away his tears, giving him a weak smile that should say, that I was thankful for having him, but also sad, that my pain had spread to him now.

Accepting help was never something that was easy for me, especially when it concerned my own strength. But here I knew, I couldn't push Romeo away and tell him, I could protect myself, because truth was, I couldn't. No matter if you are a man or a woman, slim or muscular, tall or small, everybody needs protection and help once in a while and that should be very fucking ok. After I had made sure Romeo wouldn't break down, I turned to Cody, who looked like he had been crying for days. He had his head hung low, probably still thinking about everything that happened and I gave his shoulder a light squeeze, earning his attention.

Still entangled with Romeo, I looked at my broken brother and said "I'm not going to lie anymore, Cody, I am not ok, far from it actually. But I'm better and I will be fine one day, or at least close to fine. I can't tell you to stop worrying, but I can tell you, that you don't have to. I survived and I will keep on surviving, ok?" 

Cody nodded, while he let out a shaky breath, probably trying not to break down again. "Ok. Now, before this emotional rollercoaster starts again, mom is waiting at home and its getting dark" I said, a soft smile on my face. Slowly, I pushed myself up and took Romeo by the hand with me. After releasing another deep exhale, Cody did the same, brushing himself off, as we basically sat on the ground for at least an hour.

Romeo intertwined our fingers and looked at Cody before saying "And you are really ok with.. this? I honestly never meant for it to happen, Cody, but I do love him and I'm so glad we met. Still, I'm sorry man.." I had to chuckle at Romeos attempt to apologize to my brother. Don't get me wrong, it was actually kind of sweet and Cody was his best friend after all, but it was still a little awkward for me, especially since I was standing right next to him.