I Can't Own You? (BOOK 1)

55 (NEW)

Part Two

CHRIS

For the next two days, I barely ate or talked to anyone. I went to bed at 9, mostly staring at the ceiling, running over scenarios that would explain why Naka hid his fiancé from me. For what had to be months. No texts, no phone calls. I mean, I know distance is a killer, we were over a thousand miles away from each other but with shit like this, you tell your friend.

Was I even going to be invited to the wedding?

These thoughts ran my mind until past midnight when I forced myself to sleep.

In those mornings, I would grab something small to eat, a piece of toast, which I only took a few bites of, tasting nothing, then I'd retreat to the garage to numb my brain.

I play on a dartboard, aiming small arrows onto it and think about the good things instead...or try to. The remaining of the money is gone from my card. I'll figure out how to pay the rest back to James. I could take from my savings, where there's about 600 dollars.

My family is well and safe. Sam is being accepted here, to my surprise. Cheeto is still a growl machine. I apologized to Waynoka but parted with Nakamo on an odd note. It's as if he was waiting for me to get hysterical...as if counting down to my meltdown.

What could be causing that expectation?

My dad's words float around my head. " Your mother wanted to tell you but doesn't know how to without offending you." What will get me offended?

I'm too scared to know.

Fuck. I'm thinking about it again!

"Good afternoon." I spin on the spot and see Sam entering the garage, Cheeto close behind him, tail high and wagging. So Sam he likes, but a boy who shared ice cream with him is out the picture??

"Hey," I say shortly, then turn away.

I haven't said much to anyone, including him. It wasn't fair, but I just didn't feel like having a conversation. Sam's probably confused and worried. He didn't give me this long of a silent treatment because he couldn't. It must have been hard for him since he dropped it quicker than I expected.

"Can you talk to me for more than a second?!" Sam advances.

I stay turned away from him. "I don't want to be bothered right now, okay. So just give me some damn space!" I lose my shit, hearing a lower octave hint my tone.

"You need to stop sulking and say what's wrong; it's been two days, pull yourself together, be a-!"

My body jerks around to him, I squeeze the darts in my hands so hard that the fabric cuts my skin. "Be a what....? Go ahead, finish the sentence." I threaten, getting in his face, eyeing him down like a piece of shit. His nostrils flare, but he holds his tongue. "Exactly...now back the hell off. I don't have to talk to you every day."

Cheeto gives a high whimper, then starts barking at me, his tail no longer high and wagging. A grumble works the dog's throat.

Sam gives me a 'you asked for it' look, his eyes of cold steel. "I thought your were getting better."

"The argument is over, get the fuck out." I go back to shooting darts, blocking out Cheetos barks, and everything else, even Sam's leaving. He might have said something else. I wouldn't know. My stomach is tight, my head buzzes, my balance off, and my mood growing rotten.

Why?

Lack of sleep?

Lack of food?

Depression??

Heartbreak over Naka?

Or maybe all of those rolled into one??

I'm alone for the first time in a while. I actually liked this when I had my own place. Maybe a part of me misses solitude. Misses being single. I want to sulk on my own, unbothered, without someone up my ass.

The last time I allowed Sam to pop up at anytime, was seven months ago. I had fallen out of being in a relationship and out of all the customs that came with it. I don't even feel bad for treating Sam like this.

Tomorrow I might apologize. I don't know how long this rut will go on.

I go back to the fiancé subject. My mind searches for an answer I didn't want to accept. No...it's not because of that. It can't be. Naka would never think that about me....about us.

The next morning, before anyone wakes, I grab the rental car keys, along with an idea of going to the reservation. I hadn't slept, not even for a few minutes. I know I look bad but fuck that. I drive off, my stomach empty, yet my gut strong and determined.

The car ventures the neighborhood to main streets. To winding, long roads. I remember how to get there. I've been to the pure lands more than I could count. My muscle memory game goes into high performance. The sky is bright and clear today, pissing me off because I feel nowhere near that way. I feel bitter, disappointed, sad, so much I blink away tears.

This isn't going to be nice.