Habits

Beautiful

A/N: I'm really sorry. I was planning on getting this to yesterday but I ended up pretty much passing out around 7:00. Anyway I have another note to add to the end of this chapter thats important so please read it. Anyway enjoy the story.

Eleanore gasped as Toby and Johanna entered the room supporting a limping man. She stared at him with a mix of concern, fear, and confusion until she saw it. Through the blood and scars the man in front of her was Sweeney. He didn't meet her gaze, instead staring at the ground.

"He said he wouldn't tell us what happened unless we let him talk to you." Johanna said quietly, obviously shocked by her fathers appearance.

No words escaped Nellie's mouth as Toby and Johanna helped Sweeney into the chair that sat next to her bed. Finally looking up he stared at Johann's expectantly and the two were left alone. It was a moment before they turned to each other, neither daring to speak. The uncomfortable silence that filled the room was finally interrupted by Sweeney's deep, quiet voice.

"I know what you say is true. I am a fool. I'm the biggest fool I know. I started a fight I knew I would lose and look at me now. God, Nellie I had a life. A family, one I care about more that anything and I left that behind because of a stupid argument. And look at my past. Look at what I've done to you. I would react badly to the slightest hint of hesitance, you'd bend awkwardly to suit my mood no wired from your defense. I'd yell knowing that it felt like acid burning through your skin. I pushed evert single button but the right one that let me in. I know now why its impossible to forgive a monster like me." His voice was cracked and he looked back to the ground, "I can no longer blame you for hating me."

Nellie stayed quiet, she couldn't think of what to say. She knew his apology was sincere but that didn't make up for everything he'd done. It didn't make anything hurt less. He'd made her cry so many times without caring. Maybe he truly loved her but she found no answer to the question she had asked herself so many times. Do you love him? For years on end the answer had so easily been yes, but now she didn't know, "Thank you," she whispered turning away from him, "but please leave me alone."

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"Started a stupid fight and they took it further than it had to go. I was on my way back here and they were there. In sure you know the rest."

Johanna looked at him sadly, some people could be so cruel. She could understand a black eye but her father had a lot more than that. Before he'd changed his shirt was splattered in blood and torn to shreds. He had bruises in his legs, chest, neck, face, and his lip had a deep gash. Johanna had helped wash off the blood and clean the cuts and her father looked far better than he had an hour ago when he'd shown up.

She'd noticed how quiet he'd been when he stumbled out of Mrs. Lovett's room and she knew something must've happened but she couldn't leave her father alone in his condition. The room was now silent beside their quiet breathing. Her father was staring up at the ceiling his hands folded on his stomach, lost in thought. Minutes began to drag by slowly... Silently.

A loud crash followed by a "DAMN IT!" had Johanna on her feet and Sweeney stiffening.

"Toby must've dropped a glass. I'll be right back."

Johanna hurried out of the room and Sweeney slipped back into a different world. He tried to push away his thoughts of Eleanore but his fighting seemed ineffective. Why couldn't all the pain go away? He didn't want to disappear but what was his purpose if Nellie wasnt by his side? They could've been happy. They could've had a life together but instead he had to fuck things up.

Why couldn't he be happy? Why couldn't he keep things good instead of ruining everything? Maybe it was his punishment. Maybe he didn't deserve happiness because of what he'd done. He could start another life. Change yet again, new name, new lover but he couldn't bring himself to do so. Something told him to stay. Something whispered in his mind that  this pain wouldn't remain forever.