Everything will change

2

"I really don't know about this" I muttered as we walked into the bar.

"Come on it will take your mind off things" Erin smiled at me draping her arm over my shoulder "and you never know someone might catch your eye"

"Erin you know I'm not ready to meet anyone. I'm just focusing on me and summer and trying to get back into work" I sighed.

"Just try and let your hair down just for a couple of hours" she said passing me a beer.

"I can try but I can't promise I won't put a downer on things. Not with how I'm feeling" I muttered as I downed the bottle. "Gimme a whiskey, hold the ice and make it a triple"

"Bring your drink, I want to introduce you to the guys" she grinned pulling me from the bar. "This is Jay, Adam, Tonio, Kevin and Kim. Everyone this is Heather, Summers mum"

"Ahhh nice to finally meet the little sunshine's mum" one of them said I think it was Adam.

"Glad she hasn't been causing to much trouble" I said fake smiling taking a sip of whiskey letting the familiar burn wash down my throat.

Looking up I held back tears, the way this Adam held himself, his rough and ready look was all too much. He reminded me of Harry.

The night went on, everyone was enjoying themselves. All except me, I was at at a table on my own. I placed the empty bottle in front of me before I rested my head on my arms.

"Hey you ok?" A voice said causing me to look up.

"Adam right?" I asked.

"Yeah Adam ruzek, but you didn't answer my question. Are you ok?" He asked as he sat down.

"Yeah I will be just going through some shit" I said running my hand through my hair.

"Well if you ever need someone to chat to I'm a pretty good shoulder to lean on" he said flashing me a smile.

"Thanks I will keep that in mind" I nodded "scuse me I'm gonna go for a smoke"

In all honesty I just needed to get away from him. He reminded me too much of my husband and with it being the anniversary of his death next week it was just too much for me.

Leaning against the wall I let the smoke fill my lungs as my mind went into overdrive. I just wanted this all the be over. I wanted to move on with my life. But I felt if I did move on with my life then I'd be erasing Harry. Twisting the wedding band on my finger. I knew the first step was to stop wearing my ring but no matter what I couldn't take it off.

"There you are, I've been looking for you" Erin smiled at me.

"I think I'm going to head home and pick Summer up" I whispered "I'm not feeling it"

"You came out that's the main thing" she smiled giving me a hug. "Come say bye to everyone"

Walking back through the bar putting the fake smile that I had perfected on.

"I'm gonna head off guys. Mummy duties awaits. It was nice meeting you all" I nodded

"Remember I'm a good shoulder to lean on" Adam whispered in my ear as he gave me a hug. I didn't know what to say so I just nodded.

"Will text you when I'm home" I whispered to Erin as I gave her a hug before leaving the bar.

———

"Hey Hank" I nodded "how she been?"

"Good as gold, do you want a coffee" he smiled at me.

"Yeah why not" I shrugged as I took my jacket off.

"Honestly how you doing kiddo?" He asked leaning against the counter.

"Want me to be honest?" I sighed "I feel like I'm struggling to keep my head above water. I'm crashing on Erin's sofa with very little money to my name. I'm so broken no where will give me a chance"

"You know there's always a place for you at the 21st" he smiled.

"All I know if the police Hank but I don't know if I can come back you know with how we lost Harry" I sighed as my eyes filled with tears again.

He didn't say anything but pulled me into a hug.

"Thinks will work out kiddo. Everything will change and you will come out of this a hell of a lot stronger" he whispered.

"What if I don't Hank. I'm 29 I don't want to be alone but I can't seem to find it in me to start moving on and meeting people. It feels like I'm erasing Harry" I sighed pulling out his arms.

"I just think you haven't met the right person willing to help pick all the pieces up" he smiled softly at me.

I knew deep down he was right. This would pass but right now I just wanted to curl up into a ball and be ignored. If it wasn't for summer I probably wouldn't even be here any more, but I plod along for her sake.

"I think the first step is taking that ring off kiddo" he whispered as he knew it was a touchy subject.

"Hank I can't" I mumbled twisting it on my finger.

"Ok let's compromise, you take the ring off your finger but move it onto your necklace that way you still have it on but it won't be there every time you look down." He nodded.

Undoing my chain I placed my fingers around the ring pulling it off my finger before slipping it onto the chain and putting it back round my neck letting the breath I was holding go.

"See nothing bad has happened" he whispered.

"Think I'm gonna make a move" I nodded walking over to the couch picking a sleepy summer up. "Thanks Hank"

"Anytime heather. And if you ever change your mind about coming to the 21st drop me a text" he nodded at me.