House of Cards

Chapter 7: Yoongi's P.O.V pt.2

~Continuation of Flashback~

Its about midnight when I get off and I'm exhausted. I called my dad's phone on my walk home, once again to check up on him. No answer. Now I'm slightly worried, he has never gone this long without talking to me even when he's at his lowest. I pick up my walking pace so I can get home faster.

About 30 minutes later and I'm standing in front of my apartment building out of breath. I drag my heavy feet up the three flights of steps and unlock the door. The house is so quiet, so still. Something is wrong. My heart is beating so hard that I'm sure it could burst at any moment.

"Dad? You up?" I call out.

No response.

I begin to slowly move my feet to the bedroom afraid of what lies on the other side of the brown cracked piece of wood. I pushed the door open and immediately fell to knees.

"NO! NO! NO!" I yelled and clutched onto my hair

There was blood everywhere and in the center was the man that raised me with a gunshot in the center of his forehead. I rush over to him and began to shake him to wake him up like he wasn't already gone.

"D-dad p-please w-wake u-up" I choke out now hugging him close to my body not caring that the blood was now all over me.

"I-I need y-you I-I w-was g-gonna g-get us o-out of h-here!! W-why d-did y-you l-leave m-me here?!" I can't breathe everything around me is becoming too much, I feel like I'm suffocating I can't breathe, I need to call someone. I pull myself up and immediately call Namjoon, he answers on the first ring.

"Hey Yoongs wha-"

"J-Joon h-he's d-dead!" I let out a sob

"I'm on my way" I hear him shuffling around quickly and then he hung up

I look around at everything on the floor. The blood. My father's body. A piece of paper with writing on it folded neatly and placed in the corner of the room. I pick it up and broke down once more when I saw my name on it. It's a suicide note. I hesitate thinking maybe I should wait til Joon gets here but the paper is now burning in my hand so I open it and begin reading with hot tears streaming down my face.

Yoongi,

I'm so sorry munchkin. I'm sorry I could never get over your mother leaving us. Leaving me. I loved her with all my heart and I was heart-broken when she left and every time I look at your face I see her. You look so much like her. I want you to know that none of this is your fault or even your mothers. I was not right from past traumas and your mom leaving was the breaking point for me. I tried to be there for you I swear I tried my hardest to cope with the things that happened but it all became too much. I need to leave this world behind and start new in the afterworld, whatever that may be. I love you so much Yoongi and I know you'll be ok without me eventually so this is goodbye for now. I'll always love you son.

I should have waited for Joon. My tears of sadness slowly turning into ones of anger.

"Y-You're so selfish!!! I dropped out of school for you!!, I WORK MY ASS OFF FOR YOU! AND YOU LEAVE ME?!" I'm so angry I take the lamp sitting on the desk and throw it at the wall and slowly begin to tear the room apart with tears still spilling from my eyes. When I'm finished there's glass everywhere and my hand is throbbing and bleeding from punching the wall multiple times. I collapse on the floor next to my father's body.

"You're so selfish...so selfish...so fucking selfish." I once again become immersed in sadness and start sobbing so hard my lungs are aching.

Namjoon busts through the door and makes his way over to me and I cry even harder once he pulls me into a hug shushing me and repeatedly saying 'i got you'.

End Flashback~

"Hey you ok?" Joon's voice snapping me out of that memory

"Y-yea, I just was thinking"

Namjoon knows me too well for me to lie to him so of course he saw the tears that slipped from my face when I recalled that night.

"Yoongi.."

"Joon I said I'm fine ok? Let's just get ready for this talk with Hobi and Jin ok?"

He still seems suspicious but he decides to drop it and I'm glad because I can't tell him that the nightmares are back. No. Not when he's trying to start a new life with his boyfriend. That's so selfish of me.

"Fine I'm gonna go clean up, hurry up"

When he walks out I let out a heavy breath and sit on the bed thinking about that night. I know I shouldn't blame myself, but I do. I blame myself for not getting there sooner, for not going home after he didn't answer the phone the first time. Maybe he would still be here if I hadn't left him crying that morning. Maybe if I ran home a little faster. Maybe he would still be here if I didn't look like my shit of a mother. I hate that I resemble her, it's because of that my father killed himself. My father killed himself because of me.

I killed my father.

A/N: This was the hardest chapter to write.. I hope you're still enjoying the story!

~Nilla💜