Forever Yours, Vrinda

Part 13

"Your feelings mean a lot to me, Vrinda, and let nothing convince you otherwise. But..."

Her tremulous eyes scanned his tense form. The way his downcast eyes refused to meet her stormy ones had set off an erratic rhythm to her heart, which refused to slow down. "But?"

Vivaan's eyelashes entangled in a messy embrace for a moment before he let out a puff. The soft light from the ornate lamp across the room danced over his glistening eyes as his hesitant eyes found their way back to her. "I.. Vrinda, there is a lot you need to know before I can tell you my answer. I am sorry," he said, struggling to avoid the tremble in his voice.

His eyes averted from her once again, and he had little doubt his genuine emotions would not remain evasive from the one inciting them if he had continued to look at her.

Her long fingers appeared as though composed only of bone and skin, wrapped around his forearm. In the bygone era, she loved to link her arm through his and wrap the fingers of her other hand over his forearm. How he wished there was something he could trade to turn the merciless clock hands back!

"But what if I want to know only your answer, Vihaan? I can't change my past anyway, but I want you to be my future and your answer pertains to that. Why can't you answer?"

"Because I know your past, Vrinda."

His fingers quivered as he pulled hers away from him. Her touch, once soothing and the elixir of life, had set caused a conflagration to flare on his conscience and shoved a lethal asphyxiation agent down his parched throat. "It-It would kill me from within to keep you in the dark. After learning about your past, I promise I will do whatever you ask. But I want you to decide after knowing the truth. Please. For my sake," he said, clasping her fingers between his trembling ones.

The potent brew of elixir of love and the venom of pain swirling in his eyes had conveyed everything that was left unsaid by his words. A bittersweet smile made its way to her chapped and pale lips.

"You said nothing, yet said everything I had wanted to hear, Vihaan. Your eyes spoke volumes and so did your concerned words today, but I will wait for the day when your lips speak the same language as your eyes. I will wait for the day you shed every restraint and inhibition. I will wait for that day," she said, her lips twitching with suppressed sobs, yet curling towards her ears.

Vivaan pulled his fingers out of her grip and almost stumbled sideways as he attempted to leave after hearing her words. His worst fears had turned into reality. He almost exited from her room, when her voice stopped him mid-way.

"And listen..."

He turned to face her in anticipation, wondering if he could hold his facade up for any longer in the face of her growing feelings for him.

"I wanted you to address me as 'Radha'. Fulfill at least that wish of mine," she said, the melancholic stretch not leaving her face as he struggled to not let nostalgia hit him hard in the gut.

He gave a curt nod to her. "Your wish is my command, Radha."

Everything had changed, yet nothing did. Neither did her intuitiveness change nor did his concern; neither did her curiosity vary nor did his protectiveness, making him shake his head at the entangled web that awaited them.

__________________________________________

Vrinda turned in her bed for the umpteenth time that night. Her breath staggered and her lung refused to inflate as though someone sat on her chest. The twin green LEDs from the air-conditioner panel annoyed her. She resisted the urge to turn off the air-conditioner, but her body, drenched in perspiration, warned her otherwise.

His horrified eyes and reluctant stance refused to leave her mind and let some solace wash over the wounds of rejection he had left behind. She buried her face in the plush pillow covered with a satin cover. The wetness from her tears dampened her cheeks and seeped through the pillow.

Her ears perked and her eyes darted towards the door when she heard approaching footsteps. Her chest heaved in an irregular rhythm and she gazed at the door with narrowed eyes.

"Looks like she slept. There's no light in the room."

A shiver ran down her spine when she heard his concerned voice from the other side of the door. She could hear the hammering of her heart against her breastbone and she nibbled her lower lip to avoid sobs from escaping her bruised lips.

"Yeah. You should try sleeping as well! You made your choice. There's no point losing sleep over it!"

Daksh's statement made goosebumps blanket her form. The edges of her lips twitched towards her ears when the realization dawned upon her - he had lost his sleep over the situation as well. She let out the breath she had held and wiped the tears and snot with the back of her hand.

"I just hope I didn't make another choice that would hurt her in the long run. I cannot live with anymore remorse!"

Her smile faltered and the skin at the edges of her eyes tightened. Her lips parted in surprise and she blinked, trying to understand the meaning behind his words. His statement had opened the doors of her brain to many questions, adding to the pile of questions that plagued her.

Could the choice he had made in the past be the reason he refused to answer any question about their relationship before she had lost her memories? She fidgeted with her fingers and sweat beads formed on her creased forehead.

"Well, you had your reasons, and you cannot undo those choices. Like you say, it is your punishment to have your memory intact and have your repentance replay those visions every day. I cannot think of a worse punishment, and adding sleep deprivation to that list of punishments is not worth it."

Vrinda's head reeled with the unexpected revelations. The visual of the melancholy in his eyes, when she mentioned using her amnesia as an excuse to play with her, resurfaced over the tempestuous ocean of thoughts. It was not just anguish, but remorse, and she cursed herself for missing it earlier.

She had lost her sleep long before she had heard the confessions, and after the striking of the bolts, she knew she would not lay in the arms of Morpheus for a long time.