Forever Yours, Vrinda

Part 20

"I am so sorry, Vrinda. I swear, I never intended to hurt you in any manner. I just did not want to take the advantage of your amnesiac state or force you to respect the relationship we had in the past, as much as I would have loved to continue it. I could not bear the thought of betraying you in that manner." His voice broke with guilt, angst and agony as he apologized.

He cursed his turbulent mind for its incompetence in making a decisive choice in demanding and deciding moments. It was his choice in the past that had let to a series of events which culminated in utter devastation of everything he held dear and once again, it was his choice, his insolent and indolent heart which had abandoned him on a tempestuous path, from the woman who was his journey and his destination.

"You know, I really hate you," she muttered under her breath, a muscle ticking at her jaw as she struggled to keep her words, her emotions, and her actions in check.

"I know, you have the right to," he replied, the sincerity swirling in his eyes beginning to resonate in his tone as well.

"You can cry. You don't have to hide your tears. I won't think any less of you if you do. I won't try to take advantage of your tears. I am not that bad, you know," he mused, unable to see her fight with her inner demons. He was ready to go to the burning chambers of hell for his atonement for the many times he had hurt her, but the mere thought she was distancing him mentally and emotionally seemed to ignite those chambers right inside him.

"You know the worst part, Vivaan. My last sentence was my wish which I cannot fulfill. I really wish I could hate you, but I can't..." she trailed off, letting her tears roll down her flushed cheeks.

"I know. It's completely at your discretion, whether you want to punish me, whether you want to hate me, because you have every right to. I love you, Vrinda. Just let nothing convince you otherwise because there is no punishment worse than seeing your pain or feeling of being unloved develop in you," he whispered, cupping her face between his cold, clammy and quivering hands.

Her tear-filled hazel orbs had myriads of emotions floating in those tears, but what saved his hope of getting extinguished was the sense of recognition, the conviction and the visible struggle between her love and her hatred. As long as there was love, nothing else mattered to him.

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"I want to know the truth, Bhai. This thirst to know everything is beyond my control now. I need to know the truth," begged Vrinda, as Daksh deeply inhaled at her request. A grief-stricken Vivaan, who was inconsolable himself duly informed him about the happenings.

"I won't tell you the complete truth, Vrinda. Of everything Vivaan has already told you, you must have understood that your father was a very strict man, who hated everything related to love marriage and affairs," answered Daksh, hoping that he was not making a mistake by messing up with her brain and making her see the rest of her past with a tinted lens.

"Yes, but he never told me the reason. Was there any reason at all?" demanded Vrinda, glad that she was inching closer to knowing about the incident which everyone was hiding from her.

"There was. It was not a very progressive society back then. But what cemented his belief that love was a bane was Papa's marriage. Sucheta Maa, she is not my biological mother. She is my step-mother," he replied, reminiscing the time his parents explained it to him.

"What? How did it happen? And what has it to do with my father?" wondered Vrinda, racking her brain with questions, but she could not answer any of them.

"After my biological mother died - she had cancer - Papa used to stay aloof and his world just revolved around me and his work. Until Maa joined as his colleague and expressed her liking towards him. Initially, he rejected her because he did not want to betray the memory of my mother, but as she became his anchor in the times of all-consuming depression, he fell in love with her."

A tender smile played on Daksh's lips. "However, she got pregnant out of wedlock and Papa married her immediately. Honestly, it was one of the best things he had done. As amazing as my biological mother might have been, I have no memory of her and Sucheta Maa was the mother figure I craved for. But your father did not see it in that way. He saw love as a distraction, which caused a married man and a father to stray. He did not see it as a second chance, and every time he heard someone taunt Maa about her affair with my dad, his belief only went deeper and deeper into his mind," he explained, exhaling.

"I am so sorry about your mother, Bhai. I did not know that Sucheta Aunty had to endure so much. My father would definitely have been angered by Vivaan and I. Did he separate us? But, then why does Vivaan feel guilty about that?" questioned Vrinda, unable to wrap her head around the intricacies of the past which were entangled that she could barely comprehend it.

"Vivaan had grown up seeing his mother get taunted, Vrinda, and grown up being taunted by everyone. Taunted for having come into the world, taunted for causing an unwanted relationship. He has more insecurities than he lets on. But I don't think it is my place to tell anything beyond this. I am sure it would be written in your diary and Vivaan would surely have his own insights to share. Whatever it is, I love you as much as I love my brother and I really hope that this time around, you find your happiness!"