Forever Yours, Vrinda

Part 28

"So damn ironic, isn't it? Vivaan Agarwal, who believed that love was above every sin, had sinned against his own love. You were right, Vivaan, my love is full of sins. The entries of this book started with fear, which transitioned into attachment, then it morphed into greed, and then lust had its hues splayed over. Jealousy had entered, only to pave the way for arrogance, and even that one emotion which I thought that I will never be able to truly feel for you, fury, danced alongside my love to the tunes of devastation. But, it is not my love which lost, Vivaan, it is yours," read Vivaan, stuttering and trembling as accusations from the yesteryear Vrinda and the accusatory gaze of the one beside him made his insides burn with guilt.

"Everyone had retired to their rooms early that night, and despite my desperate attempts to have a word with you alone, I could not find a way to converse with you. The sun did not rise the next morning, neither the metaphorical one of my life or my father named after the Sun Lord. He had succumbed to a lethal heart attack in his sleep, and my mother, my dutiful and docile mother, chose to follow him instead of supporting me when she ended up taking her own life. And you, you were gone. Like you were never there. Like there were no promises that were made. As if there was nothing for you to put behind and walk away. How did you do it without crumbling into nothingness?"

Vrinda's questions made tears roll down his eyes and her reaction or the lack of thereof rattled him. He wanted her to shout, slap and punish him for the agony he had put her through, but she was eerily silent. The only semblance to her reaction were her reddened eyes and hastened breaths, and the way she refused to avert her penetrating, accusing and agonizing gaze from his regretful self.

"Life has a relentless and merciless way of proving you wrong when you least expect it. I thought my life could not get any worse. My paternal aunt, whose inheritance was snatched from her for being a female, decided to avenge the wrongdoings against her. I was not just locked with my inner demons but also in the dark storeroom, which always scared me, even as a child with its gory and dusty interiors. But unlike the times in the past, Maa was not there to console me, Paa was not there to find me and rescue me, and you were not there to tease me about my misplaced fears."

Vivaan could not continue reading through the horrific account of her torture over the years she was kept captive by her paternal Aunt and Uncle. He was, of course, aware of the horrendous turmoil she had endured, but reading her thoughts about the same made him wish that it was him instead of her.

"Continue," she demanded in a hoarse and cold whisper. She appeared as relentless and merciless as she claimed the life to be, and justifiably so. She was, after all, his life.

"So much food for thought, but none for my body. My aunt was clear that I was being kept alive so that they could usurp my property after my 30th Birthday. I don't think I will live to see that day, I don't think I want to. So many goals for that day, and all of them burnt to ashes or vanished into thin air. I wish you had poisoned me instead, Vivaan...."

Vrinda cut him off. "So, that's how I lost my memories. Erased by the sheer mental trauma that I had endured, coupled with the malnutrition. You are lucky and must be happy that I don't have my memories, Vivaan, because I don't know what I would have done with you if I had my memories when I met you again," she lashed, her lips curling with disgust and her beautiful and fiery eyes were filled with furious tears.

"You think? Pyaasi Tadapti Hui Dil Se Ye Na Pucho Ki Taqt Chahiye Ya Phir Pyaar Ka Dariya. Woh Betaab Aur Bebas Dil Tho Yahi Dohrayega Ki Uss Mohabbat Ke Dariye Mein Doobne Sukoon Taqt Main Kahan. Vrinda, Tum Isse Khushkismati Kehti Ho? Woh Khushnaseeb Hi Kya Jisme Tum Naseeb Na Ho? Woh Naseeb Nahi, Sazaa Hai," he whispered, cursing himself internally for setting off the chain reaction which lead to the ultimate misery in their lives.

"Then, why did you award me this punishment, Vivaan? You made me believe in love, not once but twice, and you are also the one to break the belief into thousands of pieces, twice. I was right when I said I was poisoned instead..."

"Vrinda, please. If anyone should have died, or rather should have never born in the first place, it is me. I am sorry, Vrinda. Lifetime of saving you from pain, and I ended up hurting you the most. Trust me, there is no moment that I wish I had something to trade to turn the clock backwards," Vivaan exclaimed, moving closer to her, but she was not interested in erasing the distances between them.

"I want to go away from here. I..I cannot look at you without imagining how those months would have been, without thinking how my mother committed suicide and my father died. I need to get away from here," she announced, not making any attempt to hide her pain, her contempt or her disdain from him. Her indignant tone and repulsed posture spoke volumes along with the accusations swirling in her eyes.

Vivaan's worst fears were turning true and he had no intent of letting them turn into reality. He collapsed onto his knees in front of her with his hands folded into submission as she stared impassively at him.

"I cannot apologize enough for what happened, Vrinda. I had not anticipated any of that to happen. I could not choose between the two women I loved the most, and whose honor to upkeep. Two decades of humiliation, two decades of taunts and two decades of being the culprit did no good to me, I guess, and I ended up being your culprit as well, as I put aside two decades of friendship and love between us. You were right, Vrinda, love is the Lord of Sins and if it is a sin to not let you go, so be it!"

______________________________________________________

Pyaasi Tadapti Hui Dil Se Ye Na Pucho Ki Taqt Chahiye Ya Phir Pyaar Ka Dariya. Woh Betaab Aur Bebas Dil Tho Yahi Dohrayega Ki Uss Mohabbat Ke Dariye Mein Doobne Sukoon Taqt Main Kahan. Vrinda, Tum Isse Khushkismati Kehti Ho? Woh Khushnaseeb Hi Kya Jisme Tum Naseeb Na Ho? Woh Naseeb Nahi, Sazaa Hai

Translation:

Don't ask a desperate thirsty heart to choose between throne or an oasis of love. That pining and longing heart will repeat its need to drown in the ocean of love, whose pleasure cannot be matched by any throne. You call this to be my good fortune, Vrinda? What good is that destiny in which you are not destined to be mine? That destiny is not destiny, it is a punishment.