I'm more than just the second wife

4

My mother's words kept on ringing in my ears as we made way to esigcawini.
"Hold your head up high. Enjoy today. It's your wedding day. It might not be to the man of your dreams but you made the decision to accept this proposal so take all it brings forth. Be respectful, kind and courageous in all you do. Your brother and sister are my everything but you my baby are my heart. I love you so much and remember you're my daughter, you're beautiful so smile."

Her words gave me courage to take on today with renewed strength. The place was already packed when we got there. People were dressed to the nines with their phones out ready to capture the events of the day.All conversation seemed to lull down into whispers when we made way to the center and I sat on the grass mat along with my bridesmaids.

I watched in awe as my groom, I could tell him apart from the rest because he had a feather attached to umqhele that he wore, it shows that he who wears it is the groom, and his groomsmen ran in and broke out into dance. I watched as his body flipped into the air and he landed gracefully on the ground just before his left foot rose high above his head. They danced so hard dust rose from the ground. A lady with a grass broom in hand, I'm assuming she's to be my mother in law, rushed in ululating reciting their clan names whilst waving the broom around before she once again rushed off.

Now it was our turn. Fezeka helped me up as it'd be hard to do it on my own with insidwaba on. And put on a show we did. Fezeka and I led in song. She'd take over lead when I took on the floor and danced. I think a part of me forgot I had on isdwaba or how heavy it is with how I moved. My feet would fly Up in the air and during the drum solo my waist would move i time with the beat. All the people around me fell away and I was suddenly back eMhlangeni with all my age mates and all I heard was song and I danced. I knew my feet would be killing me later but it'd be worth it.

Mam'Thandi and who I'd concluded is my mother in law made way to the center ululating and waving those brooms around. After five songs we went back and sat on the grass mats. My father then took on the floor and began reciting our clan names whilst also breaking out in dance, although his wasn't as vigorous or graceful as the men still in their prime. "To the Hadebe's. This is the apple of my eye. Treat her well. To the keeper of my heart never doubt my love for you." He stopped to clear his throat. I knew it wasn't just because his voice has been strained so that he could be heard by all. He was emotional. Watching my headstrong, traditional father bare his heart out to me in front of all these people, many of them strangers thawed at my heart. He hadn't called me that in years. It took all of me not to race up to him and bury myself in his chest like I used to as a child.

"I need you to know that from now on you are a woman, a wife. Make me proud." I felt tears sting my eyes but that didn't last long as my family and all the people I'd come with broke out into song as my brother and my cousins gifted me with my kist. My parents in law then made their way to me with my father in law carrying an enamel mug. He dripped cow bile on the back of my hands and on the top of my feet and then another generous portion on my tongue. It left a terribly bitter taste in my mouth but I kept a straight face. "Welcome home makoti." He whispered with a smile. "Thank you baba." I replied offering him a polite smile before looking away. My mother in law then stepped forward and took off the beads that covered my eyes as a veil. "You're a beauty." She said smiling before she hugged me and placed a kiss on my cheek. Seeing how warm she is also eased my mind.

Now came time to offer my new family gifts. Each of his siblings got a blanket, a grass mat and a pillow. My mother in law got a mountain of pinafores and head wraps along with her grass mat and blanket. My father in law got a coat, a hat and a walking stick.

I gave my husband his gifts last. He was sitting gracefully on the grass mat with an air of superiority about him. I took out the blanket from it's bag and placed it around his shoulders. Next was an enamel plate and mug on a tray. I knelt before him and handed it to him. Next was an enamel wash basin and a towel and I had to pretend wash his feet and then lastly I knelt before him and gave him the calabash. He accepted it from me and took "a drink" from it. That sent all the women ululating. Each of these gifts symbolized something, it meant I'd feed him, ensure he never gets cold and see to it that he's clean and him drinking from the calabash symbolized him accepting me.

He stood and took my hand and we walked to the chiefs police, he isn't really a police he's the man who's appointed by the chief to sort disputes among neighbors and community members alike. In this case he takes on the role of the priest. " What's your last name beautiful flower." He asked me with a broad smile. "Mkhize Sir." I replied whilst stealing glances at my new husband. His jaw was clenched and his eyes spoke of all his anger but his lips were etched into a perfect smile. That made me worry. I don't care for his affection. I know his heart belongs to another I just hope he's civil with me. I was interrupted from my wondrous thoughts by the chiefs police's boisterous voice "DO YOH AGREE TO MARRY INTO THE HADEBE CLAN?" He asked whilst looking at me. "Yes I do." I whispered as tears stung my eyes as I thought to myself "Am I really doing this?"

"You have to speak loudly enough for all to hear. They're here to witness you say it." He spoke with a smile before clearing his thought before he uttered out boisterously yet again. "MAMKHIZE DO YOU AGREE TO MARRY INTO THE HADEBE CLAN?" He asked and this time I met his boisterously loud question with my own boisterous reply. "YES I DO!" After I'd said that family, well most of them young, from either end met at the center and started their own version of clash of the choirs but this one with singing and dancing. The old began making their way home where the food would be served.

"You know what I need right now? Some wine and a damn good masseuse." Zandi grumbled out as we were walking to the homestead. "You and me both." Thobeka seconded her. "I'll miss you guys." I blurted our suddenly as I felt myself be overcome with emotion. Before I knew it I was crying. Sizakele stopped the group by enveloping me in a hug. "I'll miss you most though but don't worry I'll visit you." She whispered before she moved away from me and enveloped me in a hug. I was closest to her of all my cousins. Whenever we weren't around our older sisters we were around eachother. The four of us were as thick as thieves, still are but as we grew older our lives took us away from eachother and Sindile was taken away from all of us.

Just when we were about to start walking again Zandi yelled out group hug and all of them came tumbling into Siza and I and there we were once again laughing out loud with not a care that we were blocking the way for people also walking back. If I'm to be thankful for anything about this day it'd be for these crazy ladies around me.

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Dictionary
*esigcawini:a patch of land used for traditional ceremonies)
*isidwaba: a skirt made from cow hide, that is extremely heavy when worn.