michael --
i care about calum. i do. i want him to be safe, and happy, and... i don't know.
i throw my pen down in frustration, running my hands through my messy hair for the thousandth time. four hours i've been sitting here, writing down my feelings (or trying to), and this is all i have.
the pen moves before i realize i'm writing and scribbles out the few sentences i had.
since i left calum's house four days ago, i've been to therapy twice. i'm still not exactly sure why i started it, but it seems all the conversations revolved about him.
and, to a lesser extent, my sexuality.
i'd never struggled with this. since elementary school i was a 'little lady's man,' and i seemed masculine enough. my therapist, doctor ross, told me masculinity has nothing to do with it. you know, since like some sports players are gay.
he also said its possibly to be selectively gay, or whatever. like, i can be a total man-whore most of the time, but then some guys, or one guy (calum) can turn my insides to complete mush.
which, by the way, sucks.
from: khloe 😘
hey mikey ;)
i groan. on top of my questionable queerness, i have a girlfriend. she's honestly such a bitch, but she gives good blowjobs.
calum could probably do them better, my subconscious screams. those plump, pink lips... so much better than khloe, dude. fuck.
i shake away dirty/gay thoughts before i develop a boner and swipe open my phone to reply to my girlfriend.
to: khloe 😘
come over
to: khloe 😘
i'm home alone and horny 😜
from: khloe 😘
on my waaayyyy, gotta get dressed first ;)
--
"fuck, khloe," i groan, fisting her blood-red hair. "like that, fuck, yeah."
she moans on me, sending shivers through my body.
"fuck! fuck calum- uh," i stumble, turning red as i watch her face move away from me. she looks beyond pissed, not that i blame her.
"what the fuck did you just call me? did you fucking say calum? isn't he that gay deaf kid that wants to suck your dick?"
"i- uh, goddammit, khloe, i'm sorry..."
"sorry? sorry? no, honey, you're not even close to sorry yet. and neither is your little calum. i'm out."
--
from: khloe
delete my number, i never want to see you again
maybe i am gay?
a/n: wow hello this sucks jusT LIKE KHLOE BYE
