Burning Conscious

Chapter 2 - Stressed arguments

Steven crosses his arms, fiddling with a loose string he managed to pluck from his jackets fabric. The wind felt nice as they drove down the highway, filling his lungs with the fresh air the water from the beach blew over, the sun coming to a slow raise as the car drove over the smooth cement.

It was uncomfortable, Connie driving as Steven drifted in and out of sleep, the two sitting together in silence. He knew he reaked of cigarette smoke and the booze he drank before she showed up, while she found the smell repulsive, it comforted Steven in a way. The smell reminding him of all the things that kept him calm. Fire, smoke, the Diamond's.... 

He drifted in thought, his mind flying all over the place as he struggled to stay awake. Maybe him and Jasper could go into town and rob a bank or something. Maybe he could just shoot his mom. That would fix all his problems right now.

A single bullet in her oversized head. Wouldn't that feel nice.

Connie clenched at the steering wheel, her eyes focused forward. "How ya feeling?" Her eyes didn't stray from the road as it got slightly more crowded. As do highways in the morning hours.

"Like playing Russian roulette." Steven responds with a chuckle. After he had got his gun it became his favorite game, he only got shot once back when he first started playing. Course back then he was too chicken to aim at his head and ended up shooting his hand. He remembers Connie coming over to fix it with her mom and their medical equipment, and how satisfying it was to watch the bullet as it was pulled out.

He balled his right hand into a fist, pressing his fingers aginst the small hole that remained. A cocky grin filled his face at the pinching pain.

Connie rolled her eyes. "I meant about your mom."

"Her?" Steven laughs as the car slows, becoming engulfed in traffic. "I.... I'm not sure.... I guess I'm mad but.... Kinda not?"

Connie gives a small smile, that sounding more like the Steven she knew. She remembers before all of this, before he became a self alleged bad ass. He was a bright kid, with hopes and dreams of making the world a better place, nearly worshiping the gems and copying their every moves. Now he was just a diamond. She didn't really like it. "What are you gonna do when you see her?"

He quietly thinks. "I don't know.... Maybe I'll just...." He runs a hand through he knotted hair. "God what can I do?"

"You can try to accept her as your mom?" She suggest. "Or you could try to get to know her?"

"Or I could accept her as my boss......" Steven mumbles. "No way in hell am I following her...."

Connie turns to look at Steven, knowing they won't be going anywhere for the time being. "Then don't! This could be your chance to get out of the DM! To come clean and live a normal life again!"

Steven looks at the hope in Connies eyes, that look that constantly gave him regret for being on the Diamond's side. 

Could he? Would they let him? Would they understand him not wanting to be ruled under her? Under someone who left them for years and came back expecting her empire back?

He can basically hear Jasper's disappointment.

He knew couldn't take it if Jasper disaproved.

"What about Jasper? And Peri? They need me Connie, the Diamond's need me....." He says hesitantly. He knew the Diamond's didn't need him, they had been running their operation since before Pink even gained weight and started going by Rose. 

"And what about us Steven? What about the gems?" Connie pauses as she looks at Stevens face, him trying his hardest to keep a straight face, ignoring her gaze. "What about me?"

His throat goes dry as the last of her words leave her lips. He felt his heart begin to race as his mind searched for the answer. What about Connie? 

He knew he loved her, even if was as a friend. He was the only person he stood up for when Yellow was talking bad about the gems, she was the only person who was there when he was robbed a few years ago. He remembers that too well. He was scared, terrified of everyone, his memory fucked up and he could barely breathe. But Connie was there when the gems weren't. She came when he sent the mass text when none of the gems even cared to look.

He'd die for Connie. 

He grabs at a patch of hair, pulling at it as he thinks. He hated this feeling of hopelessness. "And what about me Connie? I like the way I am, the way things have turned out..."

"So you don't miss it. Life before the death threats, before constant danger, before fucking lung cancer?!" She says, gripping the steering wheel so tight that her knuckles turned white. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to relax. "How far are you thinking you're going to get before life finally crashes down on you? You can't be on two sides, even your mom knows that."

"Goddamnit Connie! I don't have to take this." He says, struggling to unbuckle his seat belt. 

"And neither do I." She says, her voice growing shaky as her decision is made.

He looks at her, anger flaring in his eyes. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

She takes a deep breath. "If you want to stay my friend or in my life at all, you need to leave the Diamond's." She says as she holds back tears. Steven was her first friend. And has been her only friend for about three years now. She didn't want to lose one of the few things that made her happy, but it seemed like he was begining to lose himself.

He stared at her for what felt like years, his brain at a loss for what to do or think. He just sat there, in the position of unbuckling his seat belt, stairing at her as the traffic began to clear slightly.

He couldn't speak, he couldn't think. So he did the only thing he could do.

He got out of the car.

He walked on the edge of the highway as Connie drove beside him. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, praying that someone had threw out a cigarette or had one he could bum off of someone. 

Connie rolled down the window, looking at him through her glasses as she slowed to keep up with Stevens fast paced walking. "So what, you're gonna walk home?"

"I should've done that in the fucking begining!" He screams at her, forcing himself to walk faster as his face grows a bright pink.

Connie rolls her eyes, forcing herself to relax. "Fine. I'll see ya when you come back to your senses." She begins to pick up speed, eventually leaving Steven behind as he slows, watching her as she leavee him behind.

He hates this. 

But he didn't know what to do.....