Burning Conscious

Chapter 19 - Uncomfortable Conversation

He was uncomfortable sitting next to her as she talked happily to her fellow diamonds. Greg sat on the other side of him, sitting not too far from Blue as the two chattered about something Steven didn't really care about.. He didn't look at who was sitting on the other side of his mom as Greg talked to Green Gem, Yellows husband.

BP had came with a pink suit for Steven, who now wore it with a sense of hatred. Before he was proud to be the next Pink Diamond, proud to be carrying out his family's name in the world of crime along with his aunt's and grandmother. But after all of this he was left with a headache caused by the color.

His heart was racing, if not from the nervous feeling of being around White then of the nervous feeling of being around both Hippie and his dad at the same time. Greg didn't seem mad, but he could tell his calmness was either just for show or the tolls of the time he's had to come with terms with it setting in. Either way, it really annoyed Steven for some reason.

Luckily no one was monitoring Stevens alcohol consumption, and he knew after a few more drinks he'd be batshit drunk, he could already feel it setting in. He wasn't normally the crazy type of drunk, unless he was with Jasper or he had a lot on his mind. But now the alcohol was helping block out his thoughts about his mother, and that's all that really mattered.

And luckily no one was talking to him, so he ate and drank in peace. It... It was nice in a way. But also him and the carrots on his plate weren't exactly getting along. Those damn orange things. Their weird shape was mocking him.

He felt a tap on his shoulder. He rolled his eyes, downing the last of the scotch that was in his cup before turning around. He felt the groan of annoyance escape his lips as he stared at Spinel. "God what the fuck do you want?" He asks in a low voice, looking at her in a drunken haze.

"I.... Can we.... Can you take me to the bathroom...?" She asks nervously as she fiddles with the end of her dress. He didn't notice it before, the pink poodle skirt and the pink and purple jacket that she wore, her shoes the same ones she'd always wore while her hair was in a single poof on the top of her head in the shape of a heart. She looks at him with a sad look in her eyes.

He stares at her for a second or two, his mind trying to decide what to do. He didn't hate Spinel, if anything she was the only good thing his mom brought back. Spinel was his sister, not a half sister or someone who was adopted, and if anything she seemed as uncomfortable as he was. With a sigh, he stands up. "Lets go."

He walks ahead of her, her following behind with an unusual.... Stomp in her step. At least it wasn't her shoes squeaking like they normally did, that would've given him a wicked headache, not like the Ruby's and Amethyst's downstairs weren't doing a good job of that already.

He walked through what felt like a maze, his feet being his only guide. He almost thought he was lost until he found the bathroom sign, a couch sitting outside the door that he quickly sat on. Spinel ran in, quickly closing and locking the door behind her.

He waited patently, his mind drawing a blank when it came to thoughts. He let out a sigh after a while before pulling out his phone, checking his game alerts and staring at him and Connie's old text messages. She hadn't texted him or read his messages in a while..... 

He sent her a text, asking her to call him when she wasn't busy.

He heard a flush before he shoved his phone back into his pocket, Spinel coming out soon after. She stands awkwardly next to Steven, who looked at her through squinted eyes. "You ready to go back?"

She looks down, fiddling with her unloved hands. "Actually is it alright if we don't....?"

Steven pats the seat next to him, offering her the spot. She sits next to him, her body tense. The two sat in silence for a while, the only action between the two of them being when Steven grabbed a cigarette and began to smoke. 

"Steven.... Am I a bad person....?" That was a question he didn't see coming. Then again he was so blinded by his drowned out thoughts he was basically blind. 

"What would make you think that?" He doesn't look at her as he speaks, his eyes more focused on the smoke that came out of his mouth. He tried to figure out how to make a smoke rings as she spoke.

"Its just.... Ever since I've been back it feels like nobody wants me here. Back home everyone was so nice and friendly and here it just feels like..... The opposite." She says as she fiddles with the end of her skirt. "Did.... Did I do something to be hated....?"

His body went tense as old feelings resurfaced, the memory of a happy childhood drowned out by those around him disliking him because he wasn't Rose..... "Its not your fault.... Its mom's..."

"How is it her fault? She's been talking about everyone for years, about she she missed them and how much she loved them and the old memories. Then I came and spoiled everything..." He looks at her as the tears stream down her face. "I just want that for her again..."

"Don't." She looks at him as he tries again to blow a smoke ring, only to blow a circle. "She's hurt a lot of people, its high time that she didn't get to have 'good times'." His dazed state wasn't helping him say what he wanted. It came out jumbled as his brain was a dew seconds behind. "She's left behind a family, twice. Just up and left, making both think she was dead. She left behind a lover, betrayed one who loved her, fucking misused Garnet and made her think she'd be the prophet of era whatever the fuck it is."

His stress with Garnet was coming up again, he forced himself to not think about it. "But she didn't mean to do any of that!" He rolled his eyes at her words.

"Really? So she faked her own murder and didn't mean to, twice?" He looks at her as her face drops.

"T-twice.....?" Her voice trembled as she spoke.

"She didn't tell you? Not a surprise she kept secrets like a fucking god. Did you know that she murdered herself?" The look on Spinels face made him want to stop, but he couldn't find it in himself to do so. "She made up Rose Quarts, made Pearl pretend to be Rose Quarts, and then made Pearl 'murder her' with a sword, one that Pearl had a very unhealthy obsession with. Then after she gained some weight and became Rose Quarts for real, she got with Greg, had me, and left and died all over again.... None of this is your fault, its hers."

Spinel is quiet as she looks down. "Is that why everyone's been so mad....?"

He shrugs. "I'd guess so."

"Is that why you were so mad?" 

"I...." Steven looks down, not understanding why he was really mad. After searching his thoughts as his cigarette burning out, he finally has a answer. "I just got fed up with it I guess."

"Are you.... Are you mad at me...?" Her voice nearly a whisper when she asks. 

Steven felt this swirl in his chest. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Hell no. You, Spinel Universe, are my little sister, something I have been wanting since I was seven. To be mad at you would like being mad at myself."

Spinel looks up at him with tears in her eyes. "R-really....?"

"Trust me, when i am almost drunk I am the most honest fucking person in the world." She looks at him confused. "Aka, I'm not lying." It felt cooler when he didn't have to explain it.

She hugged him, her hug surprisingly tight. He hugged her back, finding a surprising upside to his night.