Surprise?...

33

BamBams POV

It was my first meeting with a therapist and I was nervous. It seemed like a lot to explain to someone and to someone you've never met before. I had a million thoughts running through my head and I didn't want to do it anymore but I saw the happiness and pride in my friends eyes when I told them I was going. They were proud of me... I couldn't disappoint them again.

I sat in the waiting room and bounced my leg while chewing on my lip. I felt nauseous and I didn't know if I could even handle talking about being a Little or not. I was so scared she would send me away to some help center or mental house. I felt like I had to justify myself and my thoughts and actions but I also knew that wasn't the point of this so I didn't know what to say at all.

Frustrated I groaned as a woman came out with a smile.

"Kumpimook? Let's get started." She calmly said and I swallowed hard and followed her into her office.

By the end of the appointment I had red eyes and I think I had cried the entire time but she managed to get me to tell her everything.  From why I thought I was a Little to admitting that I was one and finally to saying that I didn't want to ashamed of it.

I wanted to be a Little, in the end part of me liked being a Little and that's what I was ashamed of.  I was ashamed that I liked it even though it caused so many issues and problems for me and others. 

Knowing this I sighed sitting on the bus stop to go back to the dorms and pulled out my phone. 

Calling my Hyung I sighed into the phone and bounced my leg up and down. 

"BamBam?"  Jaebum asked and I bit my lip.

"I'm sorry."  I blurted out and the line went silent.

"You're sorry?"  Jaebum whispered.

"I'm sorry.  I went to therapy and I'm just... I'm sorry."  I mumbled and Jaebum sighed.

"You don't need to apologize, I'm glad you went.. how was it?"  He asked and I sniffled softly.

"Well.. I think my problem is.. I don't hate it Jaebummie... I want to hate it.. because it's a burden for people... but I don't hate it completely... I I kinda like being a Little and and I feel so bad and ashamed."  I cried.

There was a pause before anything was heard on the other line.  "Why did you call me and not Mark?"  He asked and I cried softly.

"Because you were mad at me and and I'm sorry."  I whispered and he sighed.

"I wasn't mad at you I just was the only one who was going to say what you needed to hear Bam... where are you?"  He asked softly and I sighed.

"The bus stop outside therapy... I feel so bad.."  I sighed and he hummed.

"You don't need to feel guilty, you should like being Little you should like being who you are."  He said and I sniffled.

"It's selfish I'm selfish everything I do is selfish."  I cried before sighing.

"I'm sorry.. I just wanted to apologize."  I wiped my nose before hanging up.