War of Change | Book 3

23: Damaged

Art: Artemis Seated by Antoine de Villiers

I fell onto my back, the wind nearly getting knocked out of me as I came clattering down.

For the past three days, Suki and I had been working together from sunup to sundown. However, no matter what we did, I could not steady my hand. I wasn't doing very well at hand-to-hand combat either.

"What's wrong?" Suki's voice rung from above.

I forced my eyes open, instantly regretting it as the sun found its way past the tree canopy and into my retinas. My hand flew up to block the rays, but it wasn't enough. I turned over with a grumble and got back to my feet.

"I'm just not gonna get it," I hissed out, trying and failing to get the dirt off my knees. "No matter how many times we try, I can't shoot a bow anymore."

"No, that's not it," Suki said, but her tone was accusatory. She stabbed her blade into the ground before crossing her arms to give me that knowing look. I hated it. "It's that play, isn't it? It messed with all of us a little, but you and Zuko wouldn't even look at each other afterward."

I rolled my eyes, a scoff falling off my tongue. I slumped down onto a tree stump. "We wouldn't look at each other before that either."

"So you two did split up." Suki knelt down beside me. "Katara and I weren't sure."

I shrugged. "We've been split up, ever since Ba Sing Se, we were just fooling ourselves thinking it could work again."

"You told him you loved him, didn't you?" she urged as if those three words were supposed to be able to fix anything. I had always known that wasn't true.

"Yes, and he said he loved me too, but..." I heaved a sigh and leaned forward onto my knees. "We stopped caring about one another and started using each other as a crutch. The problem is," my muscles began to burn, and I had to get to my feet to walk out the boiling in my veins, "I don't know how to do this without having someone to lean against!"

I threw my hands behind my head, opening my ribcage and trying to get as much oxygen into my body as I could to calm down. "I've never been able to hold myself up before." I raised my face up towards the canopy, feeling the cracks of sun rays on my face. "I've always relied on my siblings or Bane or Zuko, but I want to get better, I need to get better, and I can't truly do that with a crutch. Not to mention that it isn't fair to him. It shouldn't be his job to fix me."

Suki stood up to her full height once more. "And you're right to do that – you're incredibly strong to actually try to do that – and you will, but you have to give yourself time. You can't do it in one day."

"We don't have time!" I exclaimed, turning to face her. "This war is coming to an end. Whether we win or lose, it is ending soon, and we need everyone's help to push it in our favor. I can't be like this now. You were right, what you said before, I don't have the right to check out now. I need to be at full fighting ability, and I can't, because of a boy. A boy!"