Never Ending Story 《Seungjin FF》

{13}

(A/N): omg the photo above, remember during this fan meetings Hyunjin's lips were in Seungmin's ear lobe?! Anyways I want to warn you. This chapter contains ⚠️suicidal activities⚠️, if you feel uncomfortable then please don't read. Thank you for your attention.

Seungmin had been helping his mother since the head start of the holidays. He tried to do everything perfectly but soon it all ended up badly.

Wonpil was going to go for an audition. He wanted to be a singer too. Seungmin was happy to see his so called crush follow his dream. And Seungmin was sure of one thing, he would succeed.

Clang!!!The dishes Seungmin was carrying fell down. He was asked to wipe the water off of the recently washed dishes but his mind wondering towards Wonpil and his success. Mrs. Kim glared at him, "Why can't you do a single work properly?! Don't help me you only add up to my works. Now go." She scolded Seungmin. These words were said five times in a row now. Seungmin went in, feeling miserable and dialled Woojin's number. At this point Woojin was the only one who could give Seungmin the best advice.

Seung explained everything to him. He told him about his wondering mind and all. Woojin came to a conclusion after he heard his friend pour out his problems. "Seungmin you're jealous. Wonpil hyung....I don't think so you really do like him. Because lovers never become jealous of eachother. They might be jealous when someone interjects your relationship but you can never be jealous of someone you like or love. Seungmin I've known you for four years now. You are still not over Hyunjin and you can't change the fact. You might deny your own feelings but Seungmin. I'm giving you an advice. You should never conceal your feelings for someone. It just grows more and comes back with more force. Accept yourself okay? And don't worry about your future. You have a great voice and you should trust in yourself. You have that confidence in you but don't let others take it away. Now, I've got to go my mother needs my help in cooking. Take care okay? Don't think too much."

With that the line went dead. What Woojin said was correct if you come to think of it. Seungmin was jealous indeed. He wished he had an amazing voice like Wonpil's. He wished he was talented and good looking. But everything needs practice right? Seungmin knew that. He did practice everyday whenever his parents were not around. Only problem was that Seungmin didn't have the right exercise or equipments nor did he have someone to correct him when he got a note wrong. In simple words Seungmin's parents didn't allow Seungmin to join the vocal training classes. They knew he had a great voice but in order to warm up your voice they taught you secular songs. See, Seungmin's parents were really possessive and conservative.

Seungmin sighed. Three years now, after a month it would be four years since he wanted to be an idol. But his voice hadn't been good even after the hard practices he did. All ideas got from the internet. He had even stopped having caffane for so many months now. He loved coffee but he sacrificed that coffee which contained caffane. It made his voice dry if he consumed it regularly. Seungmin was disappointed, not in anyone but himself. Why couldn't he give his hundred percent in anything? He started with learning piano and stopped when he reached grade two. He had started practicing his vocals but he was getting worser in that too.

Seungmin's mind started clouding with many thoughts. Like, 'You're not capable, you can't complete want you start, you are not devoted. This way you will never be an idol again. You are such a disappointment to your parents. You can't even follow their simple request and stop following that unreal dream of yours that you will never reach. This way you're not reaching it. You can't even be a good son. You can't do anything perfectly. You have a talent but are still not good at it. You're so worthless. No one needs a useless faggot. A fag that what you are. You like boys, imagine your father's warth when he finds out.'

Seungmin closed his ears by pressing his both palms on his ears. A tear slipped off of his face. 'No Seungmin you're not going to get back into depression.' He thought to himself. There was click and Seungmin came back to reality. He was having a panic attack but his breath was becoming steady. The click was Seungmin's father who had arrived. His mother and his father was going to go and visit a sick believer and pray for them. Mrs. Kim came in to his room and said a good bye and I love you to Seungmin. As soon as they left, Seungmin was once again left in his own thoughts. His breath started picking up pace and he garbed a craft blade that had an 18 mm steal blade. He carried a white anticeptic tape, cream and cotton. His heart hurt. He was calming himself but it hurt himself too. He wanted to die. Seungmin was shivering.

He headed to the bathroom. He walked up to the sink and pulled out the paper cutting blade out fully. It was new, Seungmin had brought it a few months back. That time he really did wanted to end his life but his courage took a better hold of himself and he didn't cut his wrist. Seungmin started cutting his arm, thirty nine horizontal cuts and he stopped right before he reached his nerves. He was crying now. He was giving up.

He wouldn't kill himself but he was punishing himself for giving up so easily on his dreams. He moved up and lightly cut his wrist. Two times but it was not deep enough to actually reach the veins. Afterall Seungmin did seem to be afraid if dieing. For a moment Seungmin watched the blood drip off of his cuts into the basin. When it actually stopped. What the-

Seungmin taped himself. He uninfected himself and was all good to go. But he was still heart broken. Seungmin wasn't familiar with break up pains but Seungmin knew that nothing was more painful than to be hurt by your own passion. Be it anything love for music or any other hobbies you love.

The old fashioned mobile had been replaced by a low price touch screen phone, just to prove for his requirements. It was his father's old phone. But whatever Seungmin was grateful to have it.

Seungmin calmed himself first and dialled Hyunjin's number. Hyunjin answered almost immediately but he spoke in a hushed voice. "I'm in a hospital right now.....can I call you later? My another grandmother is really sick." Seungmin hummed and hung up. The next person he tried was Woojin but he appeared to be on a call with someone else. Seungmin had to pour this or he would get into to depression. He knew if he bottled up those feelings then he definitely would go back. But what bothered him the most was that if he can hurt himself, God knows! He might even end up killing himself.

Seungmin tried Hyunjin again. "Seungmin what is wrong?" Hyunjin asked. He knew something was off because Seungmin wouldn't call again and again if it weren't to be important. "Are you all right?" Hyunjin asked. And that's when Seungmin broke. For the first time in his life he cried this badly that also in front of this big cry baby.

Seungmin was sobbing and crying then again sobbing, he was trying to say that he gave up on his dreams but it was almost impossible for him to make any sense when he was sobbing. Hyunjin on the other hand was panicking. Like who wouldn't when your friend suddenly cries and your also not in a good state of mind? And adding up the fact that his friend was not just someone who cries.

This was the first time Hyunjin heard Seungmin break down this bad. And now he knew that something was going on very badly. Hyunjin did a great work not crying along, because he was mentally disturbed too. But he just said, "No, Seungmin don't cry." He kept repeating this when Seungmin soon calmed down. "Hyunjin....I'm giving up....on my dreams. I-I nearly killed myself I cut my wrists and have total forty cuts on my arms. I feels so worthless. " Seungmin said from the other line sniffling.

"Everything will be fine. And I don't have a comment on your decision yet. But please don't do that to yourself." Hyunjin said, concern evident in his voice. Seungmin agreed and soon realised the long time he took while speaking with him, it was long, "You must be busy oh my God, I'm so sorry." Seungmin said. "No. I need to take care of you." Hyunjin said. Seungmin pastured him to go back when finally Hyunjin was called by his mother to have dinner. He left after saying, "I'll call you later to check on you."

Seungmin sighed again when the line went dead. No way was he in a mood to get back to his old days. He was trying to get a grip on himself. He felt stupid. He felt, dead. He felt empty as if a big part of him was removed. All the emotions he just had before was gone. He felt void of any emotions. He felt, nothing. Numb. He didn't feel like himself either.

He felt like a living dead.

So this is what it feels like to let go of something you have been holding on for years now. Empty.....

To be continued....