Never Ending Story 《Seungjin FF》

{18}

(A/N): This chapter contains self harm so you've been warned. And the dark past of both Seungmin and Hyunjin will be explained now. But it starts at the end of the chapter. You have to wait ;)

Two days later Seungmin would be going to Australia. His friends were so happy yet was sad that they wouldn't see him anymore. Felix in the other hand felt the same but one feeling was greater, he was jealous. But what could he do, it was his own choice to stay away from his home for his dreams.

Seungmin, was sitting in his room playing with his blade. Yes, the same one, the eighteenth m.m. steel balde. He was thinking about his future. What exactly was he going to do after he reaches Australia? His medical checkup had been done and his faint scars, which Seungmin hid by the held of his mother's make up set, wasn't noticed by the doctors. Like hey, what would they do if they see his scars? His parents would find out too and, definately take him for therapy sessions which were of no use for Seungmin. He had therapy sessions with his friends only. Just when Seungmin was playing with it he heard his mother speak.

"I'm relieved he doesn't has to face Hyunjin. I mean, that child is good but in the past it was really hard. He seemed to like Seungmin." Mrs. Kim was talking. He heard footsteps coming closer to his door. 'They think I'm asleep.' Seungmin thought and kept the blade on the table and acted like he feel asleep on the bean bag he was sitting on. But before they entered, Seungmin heard Mrs. Kim say, "And I'm happy he doesn't want to be a filthy singer. I guess his eyes have opened. He is now in the real world." Mr. Kim chuckled. "I mean it's not a sin to be gay, but if you be in a relationship and ruin your holy life than its considered as a sin. It's written in the Bible itself that theses feminine males are the pillar of God's temple. But they have to be virgins in order to be blessed. Lord, this devil has changed the world to something else. He has inculcated the idea that gay should love boys. And lesbians should love girls. I'm highly worried for Hyunjin." Mr. Kim said.

Seungmin gritted his teeth, 'Hyunjin. Is. Not. Gay.' were the words flying in his head threatening to spill out of his mouth. "I don't think he is one, dear, Seungmin has clearified it with us." Seungmin sarcastically thought, 'As if you believe me.'

"But I still believe that Hyunjin is still not a good company for Seungmin, when I see them be clingy with eachother." Mrs. Kim was saying. Mr. Kim on the other hand knew better than to argue with his wife and defend the young tall boy, Hyunjin and said, "Call Seungmin for breakfast,I'll be going down. He will wake up if he hears you rant."

"Oh he won't, trust me, he is a heavy sleeper."

Wrong, Seungmin was not surprised to say the least because he knew his parents didn't know him. Seungmin had insomnia. So couldn't sleep at night. But if he did fall asleep he was a light sleeper. If he heard voices, he might be lazy to open his eyes but he would be alert enough to hear the whole conversation. Not just conversation but also, any type of noises.

When his parents got into physical or verbal fights he heard it all. But Seungmin was used to this. Their fake smile whenever they sat for breakfast the next day. Seungmin was tired of living with them too. He wanted to leave this place so bad-

Knock knock. Seungmin just hummed in a tired manner to fool his mother. It always worked. "Honey come for breakfast after washing up okay?" She said and was gone. It was the first time she called him, 'honey' and she even invited him for breakfast, coming all the way up in his room. And you might be thinking Seungmin and his parents room were parted by a wall and there was no door. Well, they made a new house. So, Seungmin finally had some privacy.

Seungmin reached out for the blade again. The conversation came back into his head. Seungmin was angry, very angry. His parents were so prejudiced and biased they would never wanted to know someone before they judged them. Seungmin clenched the blade tighter which his knuckles to turn white. He was shivering and goosebumps appeared in his body all the up till his jaw. He remembered the conversation about his career. Last time he talked it with his parents, he was nearly beaten. He felt tears pool in his eyes but being stubborn and reminding himself he was strong he didn't let the tears fall down. His breathing picked up pace. Seungmin had washed up long ago. But he still rushed to the bathroom.

His bathroom was solid white with white tiles all over. It was serene and calming. But Seungmin was having a serious panic attack out here. He was becoming blind. He let the tears flow down now. He saw his blade. He sighed.His breath still shaky and his trembling hand.

He thought upon the day when he had bought this. No one knew that he was going to end his life that day but Seungmin was afraid of death in the end it seems. He had walked away but today was it. He was still being ruled when he thought he was free now.

He pulled the blade to its fullest length and placed it in his wrist. Right on his nerves. He took a deep breath again and pushed as much as he could and slit it. His trembling hands made the cut not so deep. But it was enough to reach his nerve because his whole arm started paining but Seungmin was not bothered. He watched the blood coming out of his cut in the white sink. It came in drops. Seungmin glanced at the cupboard where the anticiptic cream was.

He didn't budge. He just watched his thick blood, the smell of it was satisfying. He was used to this metallic smell but it stopped after one minute of bleeding. This happened again. Was it fate that was telling him it was not his time? Or did something worth while was waiting for him in the near future. He decided it was not his end. He would be patient and wait.

Seungmin sighed again, his breathing was back to normal. He washed his wrists ignoring the sting of pain and dabbed it dry with cotton. You could see the white muscle on his wrist, man it was deep! He wrapped his hands up and went down to eat, acting as if nothing had happened.

->->->->->

It was the day. The bleeding from his wrist had stopped but still some blood came out of it if he didn't had any bandage on or if he moved his hand too much. But Seungmin had decide to let it heal without the bandage today. Without it, he couldn't lift a single thing but still he discarded the banged anyways. It started paining when the cold winter air hit it but Seungmin wasn't bothered. Instead he grabbed his stuff and pretended to be sad to leave his house when Mrs. Kim was crying.

Fake tears. Seungmin thought. He knew she loved him but he didn't like them at all. So he always pretended that they wouldn't like him back too. He was starting to be stubborn you see.

After Seungmin arrived at the air port in Incheon, Seungmin was walking cautiously, he thought he might be able to see Hyunjin. For the last time? 'Are you trying to get over him or not.' Seungmin scolded himself. He shook his head and entered the air port. He was waiting for his flight since he was ten minutes early. He sat down in one of the benches. There was a young boy about fifteen years of age sitting and scribbling something in his notebook. Seungmin couldn't help but sneak a peek since his notebook was visible to him. He pretend to to look at his phone but he was reading his notebook.

'Proud to be gay.'
'It hurts but you chose to leave me.'
'I am broke but still going on.'

Seungmin knew how the guy must feel. He thought he did have the idea but what caught his attention was;

'My heart feels heavy.'

Seungmin felt it everyday in 2018. Just then his flight had arrived.

->->->->->

Seungmin tried his best to forget about his past but he couldn't just burry the words written by the boy in the back of his head. He sighed again. He wanted to think back upon the days. He clenched his hands but his arm hurt. The nerve all over arms were aching because of the cut.

Seungmin sighed. He will leave the past in Seoul forever now. He decided to not run away, he wanted to forget it all but he would  look once back upon it after today, he decided. He would see if it was worth crying over for.

This was how it started.

November 28th, 2017....

To be continued...