Let Me Hold You For Now

I Keep Hurting You

Once again, he woke up with her hands on his body.

"Good morning." She murmured and tried to press a kiss against his lips. He turned away before she had the chance.

"What are you doing?" He scowled at her.

"I thought..."

"Thought what?" He challenged her with a cold stare.

"So you still don't..." Her face fell.

The hurt in her eyes was nothing short of torture. How many times had he dreamed of such a warm wake up from his girl? Part of him wanted to hug her and kiss her, beg forgiveness for disappointing her. The other part was horrified by how out of control he let things get between them in the middle of the night.

"What? Are you all worked up again? You need to use me again? Already? Wow... You're turning into a real slut, aren't you Ray?"

"Why?..."

"Aww... Did I hurt your feelings? Just calling it like I see it."

"Why do you have to be such an ass?" He drew back a little at her use of the word. It was a rare occasion to see her that worked up. She threw a pillow at him. "By the way, you forgot to put your dick away." She snarled through her tears.

He looked down at his still undone pants and grimaced. He could still see his dried cum on her body. The physical evidence of what happened between them.

"I made breakfast." She sniffed haughtily. "I thought we might eat together, but I have to go shower and wash you off of me. Right now."

"Ray!" He called after her as she stomped her way to the bathroom.

He wanted to grovel at her feet and apologize for being such a piece of shit, but what could he say? Sorry? I got a little too carried away last night? I didn't mean to let you jerk me off? It didn't really mean anything?

There were a lot of things he could have said to make things better, but somehow he ended up making an ass out of himself again when he followed her into the bathroom.

She'd just stripped her shirt off, about to turn on the shower when he grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall.

"What are you-" She snarled angrily at him.

He didn't even bother turning the light off before he sank down to the floor in front of her.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled against her thigh and pushed her legs apart. "Want me to make it up to you?"

"Don't bother." She kicked him away from her and he fell to the floor in shock.

"I thought-"

"I didn't ask you for anything."

"Ray... I didn't-"

"You're an idiot, Zack."

"Of course I am."

"Just... get out."

"Ray, come on. Let's just talk about it..."

"So you can lie again? I was wrong about you. You're selfish and a liar and a hypocrite."

"Okay... Are you trying to piss me off? Because it's working."

"We've been doing this for years. You know how I feel- how I felt about you."

"Ray..." He pleaded with her. For what, he didn't know. Forgiveness? He didn't deserve it. He cautiously placed a hand on her shoulder and she smacked it away.

"Don't touch me. You don't get to turn this-" she struggled to find the word, "whatever this is on and off whenever you feel like it. You're even crazier than I thought if you think I'm going to keep letting you do this."

"I'm crazy?" He barked at her. "Did you fucking forget that you belong to me? Your life is mine."

"I didn't forget. My life is yours. I'm not. You don't like it? You can kill me right now if you want."

"Maybe I will!"

"Do it. I've made all kinds of good faces for you, ri-"

He cut off her words with his hands around her throat. She just glared at him and let him choke the life out of her. Just a little bit more and she'd be dead. She'd never look at him like that again. He could finally end the torment of living with the bitch, go back to a simple life. She'd never wake up next to him ever again. Just a little bit more and he could finally crawl out of this hell.

The thought of her lifeless body laying on the bathroom floor was what did him in.

His hands went slack and he sank to his knees in anguish, body wracked with sobs.

"I hate you," he cried. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate everything about you!" He screamed at her and tried to convince himself that he meant it.

"Zack..." She got on her knees in front of him and stroked his hair.

"Stop!" He gasped. "Don't touch me! Have some goddamn self-respect!"

Her lips touched his and he was all out of strength.

"Stop-" he whimpered and kissed her back.

"It's okay." She breathed and wrapped herself around him.

"Please..." He leaned his head on her shoulder. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

"Did you ever?"

"No," he sniffled.

"It's going to be alright. I've got you..."

"Why?"

"You know why." He did. Her love was so bright it was blinding. He couldn't see straight anymore.

"I... Me too. I can't live without you."

"Shh... I know."

"But I keep hurting you..."

"I'm an idiot too. I don't know why I decided that they're the same thing... Sex and... feelings."

"Please don't go. It's okay. We can-" he unzipped his pants and pulled his flaccid member out. "I just have to- give me a minute," he sobbed and tried to make it hard for her.

"Zack, stop."

"No! Just give me a minute! S-sorry. I'm pathetic, aren't I?"

"Zack." She put her hand over his to stop him. "I'm not going anywhere. We'll wait."

He let out a pitiful little whine and kissed her again.

"I'm trying-" he breathed. "Please don't give up on me... I can't lose you, Ray."

"I know. I'll stop making it harder for you."