Wenn Wörter Waffen Wären

Life (translated version)

Life.
It's a miracle.
New life arises every day and old fades away.
It always fascinates me. I mean, how could something so complex come about? You get a life and can do whatever you want with it, so you are not restricted. You have friends and best friends, siblings, parents, you have enemies and also acquaintances. You live as you like or adapt to the wishes of others. On one hand, you can be completely satisfied, on the other deeply sad and disappointed. And the nature around us influences everyone. In general, there is so much that unconsciously influences us, too much to lighten everything up. Things cheer you up, others drag you down. Your first love, your first kiss, yes, even your first time can flood your body with pure happiness, but doesn't have to. Love. Love is one of the strongest words we know in every language. It describes the strongest feeling we can feel for each other. If you appreciate the one life that you got, a lot can happen. You live much more openly and gratefully and happily than if you don't appreciate it. Because that would make it easy to throw it away, don't care, maybe even take drugs and eventually fall into the grave unhappily. But a life can end so quickly. From now on, in a second. Boom! And you're gone, never coming back, but staying in other people's memories. You can die, but you're only really dead when the last one has forgotten you.
Weird, isn't it? The idea that every second could have been your last? That your boyfriend was your last. Every kiss was maybe your last. This season was your last. Your last said word remains the last. Your last thought was your last. The last time you got up. And that's just a few things why we should live every second - and everything else - as if were the last. So you take everything more intense and beautiful. Are afraid of death, or accept it and see it as something new, the end. Maybe this is just a dream, and when you die, you wake up from that dream. An idea that calms me down a bit. But deep down inside I know that death is final. There is simply no eternity and death, or what happens after it arrives, is the least known to humanity. You could say it is an eternal mystery. Maybe in the distant future we will find out what happens afterwards and we can give people comfort. But as long as this is not yet possible, we remain uncertain with our questions.

I carefully extend a hand and gently run a finger down his cheek. My eyelids rise and my eyes look up to his face.
Not an emotion.
I lean forward and put my lips on his, but even now no muscle moves with him. And it will probably stay that way. The doctors have been saying for a year that he won't will wake up, and it always breaks my heart. He is the last one I have left. My family is dead, I left my friends in Portsmouth when I moved to Ryder in Seattle, and here I have too little time for friends thanks to my job. He is the last that is left to me, and now he is also leaving me. I swallow the tears and sit up again. The tube that ventilates him, the cables connected to him and the monitors, which measures his heartbeat with a steady beep. My eyes grasps these details as if in a trance, and finally a lonely tear comes out of my eye and leaves a wet trail on my cheek. He is my fiancé ... how am I supposed to do it alone without him? He leaves me behind, goes into the light and thus into eternal peace. And I let him go, after all this time, he deserves it. He deserves this calm. Ryder won't leave until I forget him, and as long as that's not the case, he'll stay with me somehow.
"Miss Becker?" I hear the doctor's voice behind me. I turn my head and watch him go to the other side of the bed and look at me. So the time has really come, the machines are to be shut down. I just nod silently and then look back to Ryder, my love. I take his cold hand in mine and press it tight. A second tear falls silently from my eye. Out of the corner of my eye I see Dr Richers how he works on something.
The first thing that dies away is the sound of the breath. And then the beeping stops.
The room is now completely silent. A quiet sob escapes me. I slowly raise my hand with Ryder's, close my eyes and kiss it carefully. Then I lean over to his face, close my eyes again and put my lips on his.
"Go Ryder, you deserve it," I breath softly before the room falls silent again.
"I love you."