Before I Let You Go || Seonghwa x reader✓

6

Chapter 6 - Fake love

The following morning came just as fast as it had gone. When Seonghwa woke up, he wanted to cuddle me and make breakfast and even go out for a movie. As he held me in the morning, as I gazed at his seemingly flawless face throughout the day, as he subtly touched me, a small pit of disgust in my stomach formed.

I feel dirty.

I feel used.

I feel walked all over.

I feel...wanted....

I allowed him to do all that. This was the Seonghwa I knew. I needed to hold onto that part of him.

This whole day I convinced myself that he does still love me and that maybe this side whore of his just brainwashed him.

I'm an idiot. I know that. But I'll still deny it.

Because I'm a stubborn mule who is blinded by my love for this man.

I'm so blinded that I might as well have been born without any eyes.

Despite what I found out last night, despite the way it hurts to even look at you, and despite the way you look at me as if you aren't doing anything wrong... I stay here.

All because I want you to come clean in your own. I want you to have what's left of your integrity and think about me for once.

I want you to tell me it was a mistake.

I want you to tell me all the things I want to hear...

"Are you sure you can't stay for the weekend?" Seonghwa asks with a pout, leaning on his door frame as I pack up what little things I took with me.

Why does he have to act like he cares? Stop with the mood swings. You're annoyed with me one moment, and then you're loving me the next...and then you're fucking someone else after that.

I don't look at him and shake my head. "No, I'm sorry. I really want to though, but I fell behind on some work and I know for a fact you'd keep me distracted if I were to stay." It's only a half lie. I'm just pulling the work card on him like he did to me.

He hums in thought as he watches me for a few moments.

And during those few moments, I guiltily relish in the feeling of his eyes being planted on me, only me.

I crave for his attention and touch.

He has yet to give it to me.

"Are you okay?" He asks out of nowhere.

I flinch in surprise, hesitating before answering. "...Yeah..why wouldn't I be?"

I gasp loudly once I feel my back pressed against his chest, his arms firmly wrapped around my waist. He peppers tiny kisses on the back of my neck, whispering. "You just seemed off today."

I'm torn.

Half of me just wants to push him away, cuss at him, slap him, and confront him about cheating. His arms that hold their place around me had did that with another woman. He's done everything he's done with me...with another woman. It's disgusting.

Yet the other half of me misses this. I'm getting that little bit of attention from him that I've always wanted. He roams his hands up and down my body, causing me to shudder in satisfaction. I miss him. I want him. And I think my need for him is outweighing the other half of me.

I let out a breathy sigh. "No, I've been fine."

He spins me around and pushes me down on his mattress.

So we meet again, old friend...

He separates my legs and places himself in between them, leaning down and smashing his soft yet unfamiliar lips against my own.

I kiss him back, molding our lips in all sorts of shapes as he slips his tongue in with obvious need. I grab his pitch black hair at this feeling, moaning only slightly into his mouth. In return, a cocky smirk briefly paints it's way on his lips.

It doesn't take long for me to get worked up.

But, could you blame me?

This was almost some kind of validation I need.

He loved me. He still does.

This is what this is. Right?

Nope.

I kept clouding my judgement for you, you fucking asshole.

I loved you!

You killed a piece of me each time you glanced my way because it made me think you actually wanted me.