Intertwined

Chapter 37: Please Don't Leave Me

A X E L

The dim lighting in the room softly admires her skin. Her chocolate eyes staring into mine but her mouth not saying a word.

She was scaring me now.

"J?" I prod.

"Promise me you won't freak out."

"I promise. Please can you just tell me what it is, you're scaring me."

"You remember when we... took a break, you said you thought I was hiding something from you?" Her eyes don't meet mine.

Part of me is relieved that I'm gonna know the truth now. The other part of me knows I'm better off not knowing.

"Yeah..?"

"It's about when I- you know, temporarily died," she says and I involuntarily move closer.

Scar and Parker look like they'd rather be anywhere else right now. "We're just gonna-" they abruptly leave the living room.

She sighs. "Look, coming back from the dead has had certain side effects. Sometimes I begin to shiver, I feel nauseous, weak, like I might pass out. These horrible nightmares."

I cringe at the thought of her nightmares being remotely like mine.

"My body can't cope with what it went through. And Scar and Heath say they've seen this before. And that when this happened to the person in question, they..." she doesn't complete her sentence but I know the last damn word.

"Died."

No. No. No. Please, no.

I can talk to Alden and Myra, they can help I'm sure. But I know Gods can't interfere with each other's powers.

She's not dying. No. She can't be, right?

She's 17 and healthy and she's going to have a long and happy life. She can't die. I won't let her, I don't care what I have to do.

Her small, warm hands hold mine. Her eyes look at mine earnestly. "It's gonna be okay."

I shake my head, retracting my hands. "I'm really trying not to freak out. So, don't tell me it's gonna be okay when you're fucking dying!"

Tears pool at her eyes, making it worse, "I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier? All this time that I'm spending away from you, I could just-" I break down. I don't know what to do, I've never broken down like this.

My shoulders shake from how I'm sobbing, losing awareness of my surroundings but also being hyper aware of them.

All I can think is, please, not her too. Not her. Not her.

She climbs into my lap, wrapping her arms around me, her chin on my head.

"It's all going to be fine. I love you." She kisses my head.

My arms wrap around her waist tightly and I feel like a child, who's alone in a dark room, screaming for help until his voice is gone, sobbing for his life. "Please don't leave me," my hoarse voice breaks.

She's crying more now, wiping away my tears, kissing my head, muttering 'I love you' all the while.

After a minute of sobbing and realizing that me holding her like that won't make her stay any longer, I try to stop crying.

I think I amazed myself even, I've never cried like this before.

I have to stop thinking about what would happen if she died. But I can't get it out of my head.

I hear faint voices arguing outside the room.

"I think I know how to help!" Scar's voice is strained.

We look at him. "What?"

"I didn't wanna tell you until I was sure, but this has happened before. Yeah, she died but only because she didn't pay the price Dabria asked for," he explains and I can feel the wheels churning in Parker's head.

"The lady who killed J in the first place?" Park asks.

Scar nods. "We can visit her. Give her whatever she wants, find out about the guy who's fucking with us now, she could know. We can go," he says earnestly, his eyes sincere.

J shakes her head. "I don't know."

Park speaks with newfound enthusiasm. "Let's go. Tomorrow."

"Slight problem with that. Gateways to Heaven are down, we need to find some other way," Scar sighs.

"We'll find it. None of us are in the right headspace, let's go to bed, it's almost 3. We'll talk tomorrow."

Everyone agrees reluctantly, I mean, who doesn't listen to what she says eventually?

But I can't go to bed, I spend all night going through our library which contains Scar's books about Heaven and all its ins and outs.

I can find a way, I swear. I don't need sleep, I need to find a way to help her.

As I'm obsessively going through the books, Dad walks in. "What are you doing up?"

"There's something wrong and I don't know how to fix it," I say.

He pulls the book out of my hand. "Is this about J?"

I only nod.

"Whatever it is, it can wait. Right now, you need her, go to her," he prods.

"I can't," I can't go to her with no way to help. I've cried enough, she's always been strong for me, now it's time for me to be strong for her.

"Did you ever consider that right now, maybe she needs you?" Dad looks me dead in the eye, his tone is gentle.

I let out a breath I've been holding in. "That's what I'm afraid of."

He shakes his head. "Go," he pushes slightly and I practically run up the stairs, to her room, knocking lightly.

"Come in," her faint voice calls.

I get in, and I feel her stiffen, knowing I'm here. Slowly, I raise her blanket, getting in bed with her.

"I thought you wouldn't come, I thought you'd be mad at me," her voice is small and I don't like that track of thought.

"No. Not at all. In fact, I'm mad that I didn't notice the signs, that I wasn't there."

She moves closer, raising her head so our eyes can see each other, like we know they want to. She repeats what I said, and my heart almost stops right then and there.

"Please don't leave me."

I move even closer, until there's no space between us. I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear.

I kiss her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere, J," I promise.

And we stay there for the rest of the night until she falls asleep in my arms.