Unexpected 1 | H.S

30 weeks

Hi so time has skipped a couple months now. She's now 30 weeks pregnant :)) x

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Over the past couple months I've been spending a lot more time with Harry than usual. It's like ever since we went to the 12 week scan together we've just gotten even closer. We were both so excited for this baby to arrive and it helped that we were officially out of that awkward phase. He was like my rock at the moment, and I've been spending at least 4 days a week with him and if he's not busy then more.

Of course with his line of work he's usually quite busy. He spends a lot of his time in the studio and he's had quite a few interviews during these past few months. He's been super busy putting together his new album and I understand that however, he somehow always manages to find time for me.

We spend a lot of our time together planning for this baby. Shopping online to decrease the risk of us being caught in public together, which by the way, has been getting harder to hide. I swear baggy jumpers hardly hide my bump nowadays. Anything you could think a baby would need, we had extra.

I'd been worrying about telling my mum about this pregnancy for the longest time. I hadn't spoke to her in a while as our relationship wasn't the best to say the least. Of course I wanted to be closer with her however, she always seemed so distant from me ever since we moved out of Holmes Chapel. It's like we grew further apart once we got away from my dad and that wasn't supposed to happen. I guess she just had a lot of trauma she couldn't let go of and I wanted to help her, I really did, but I was struggling too. We both just needed time to go our separate ways, get help, and re build ourselves.

Last time I spoke to her she explained to me how she was speaking to a therapist, a woman named Fiona who was helping her mentally get over what my dad had done to her all those years ago. I loved the fact she was trying to turn her life around and that was the plan for me too, I was supposed to move away and get help however, instead I chose to deal with it all on my own and only confide in Ashley. I deal with the panic attacks and the bad nights when I have nightmares all by myself as I'm far too nervous to speak to a stranger about it.

Being around Harry has helped it. He makes me happy and now I have something to actually live for and look forward to. He was the one who persuaded me to contact my mum again, tell her about the baby and potentially arrange a visit. So I did.

The call was a little awkward at first as I stumbled over my words and couldn't think of a suitable way to tell her. However, when I blurted out, "I'm pregnant!" while she was in the middle of telling me about her shopping trip she had earlier, it kinda broke the ice. She went silent at first and I internally cringed so hard. All I wanted to do was end the call and save myself the judgement, however, when she sniffled a little and I realised she was crying I thought it was really bad until she explained to me how happy she was for me.

She ended up coming down to London for a catch up and I was happy to see how much she'd changed. These sessions she was having seemed to really be helping her and I guess this is a step in the right direction for us. She spoke to my brother, Josh, about it as I refuse to contact that evil fucker. She said how he was happy for me but I didn't really seem too convinced.

A few weeks ago, a couple days after my mum left London, me and Harry were spending the night together. He made me some food and we watched a film or two while he was drinking wine until he was a little more than tipsy.

It started off as just giggles, both of us laughing at everything the other person did until Harry got up to grab another drink and stumbled over his own two feet. Drunken him thought it was the funniest thing in the world, his plate of food went flying everywhere and I'm pretty sure he spilt wine on the tv. He was laughing but also crying because he stubbed his toe and I was over there about to pee myself on his sofa.