January 27 2020, I definitively cried for over 2 hours. Em started crying then I finally started crying. I want to live. I want to experience things. I'm just exhausted of feeling everything at once. O isn't helping either. I'm not sure if I like him or just like having a boyfriend. I'm not sure if our relationship is going to last long because i'm scared to tell him anything of what i'm thinking of. Em told me I should get help. but just thinking about it is giving me anxiety. I feel numb. I'm not happy or sad anymore. I'm glad i don't feel anything anymore. I thought about things all day today and it made me exhausted. I want to cut myself, I want to. I want to forget everything. I feel like i'm falling deeper each time I add. I just want people to understand why I left if I decide to leave.
