Voodoo Doll lhxai [discontinued]

Chapter Twelve

I hate the word fourteen idk

I'm 14 this doesn't make sense

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Luke somehow managed to pull himself out of bed Monday morning.

He takes a shower. The water may have burnt his skin.

He gets dressed, doesn't do his hair. Throwing on a old black beanie and his too-big grey sweatshirt, he leaves for class much earlier than he thought.

But it's not like he could go back to sleep anyway.

He stops at Starbucks to order a coffee. Just needing something to wake him up and hopefully clear the haze from his mind in time for class.

The coffee shakes in his hand, even if it is spring the air is startlingly cool. He puts his hand in his pocket only to feel his phone. It is dead, having not been charged in three or more days.

There is hardly anyone else on the grounds as Luke walks to class. It makes him wonder exactly how early he is. Hopefully the professor is there, it almost seems like no one will be around.

Luckily, the classroom is open when Luke get's there. He drops the empty coffee cup into the trash bin outside the door before he goes in.

The empty room is even cooler than the air outside. Luke shivers and pulls his sleeves over his hands. The clock above the front board reads 8:38, so Luke has over an hour left before class. He messes around on the iMac in front of him until the professor walks in.

"Hemmings?" he asks. Luke looks up from the YouTube video he was currently watching. He wasn't really sure what it was, something like Onision, or whatever. It was recommend to him.

"What are you doing here so early?" The older man sits his bag onto his desk and waits for Luke to respond. Luke pauses the video and shugs.

He looks up at his teacher, who looks at him seeming worried. "I dunno," he admits, "just couldn't sleep and wanted to get out of my room I guess."

"What's wrong? I know it's none of my business, but you can tell me if you want. I do have a degree in counciling."

"But you teach computer tech. I don't get it," Luke jokes, trying to laugh but the sound seems forced.

"Just wasn't me," he laughs, not noticing Luke's demeanor. "But what's up? Fight with friends? Family problems? Girls problems?"

"I wish. . ." Luke mumbles. He exits from the video as the teacher comes close to him. "Um - guy problems actually."

"Oh, well that's okay." He pulls up a chair next to Luke. The blond is stuck somewhere between telling him about Ashton, or curling into a ball in panic. He honestly couldn't remember the man's name.

"I just. . . Have you - have you ever done something you don't necessarily remember, yet you don't really regret it?" he says quickly. His shaking hands grip the side of the desk in front of him. The air is so cold and Luke doesn't understand why.

"I can't say I have." He sits forward to look at Luke's face, but the younger turns away. "There's something else that's bothering you though."

"Yeah I. . ." he suddenly felt sick. Like, I-actually-might-throw-up-but-I-really-won't sick. He rests his elbows on the tabled and puts his head in his shaking hands. "The guy, he - well we - did some things at a party this summer, but I didn't know we did - I didn't remember anyway - and he and I kinda live across the hall from each other now and I don't know what to do because we've done it again and," Luke stops, because he's rambling and out of breath.

"And I don't know what to do because I don't like him but I can't stop thinking about him. It's driving me mad. I've. . ." Luke stops again, he's not sure if he's about to pour some terrible secret out to a teacher he doesn't even remember the name of, when only two people beside himself know it - Calum and Michael. "I've done some things I'm really not proud of.

"I've hurt myself and hurt others because I move in to deep when these things happen to me. I just want to show people I care for them, but they don't really care for me. They use me and change me into what I'm not." Finally, Luke think's he's done. There are tears streaming down his face like tiny rapids on his cheeks. He's glad that his face is down so the professor cannot see him cry.

"But the thing is. . . with this guy I - I don't like him. I think we could be friends and I want to have him as a friend, but I feel so betrayed. I feel like if I stay near him I could go. . . go back to old ways, and I don't want to do that anymore."

"Old ways?" the professor asks, after a moment of silence. Luke sits up, rubbing both hands over his upper arms. It was freezing in here.

"I have a history, can we leave it at that?" Luke snaps. He'd rather not go too deep into his past, he's already said enough.

"Of course not. . . Mr. Hemmings, are you sure you care as little for this lad as you say?"

"I don't like him! Honestly. . . I've been in love before. I fell crazy in love with this guy when I was 15. I did some really stupid shit that I'd rather not talk about, and I almost died.

"But this. . . with A-him I feel nothing. I am completely nuetral about him until we've had a few drinks. But I'll pretty much fuck anything with a heartbeat after a few drinks, truthfully."

"So why do you think you are so worked up over him?" Luke doesn't miss the professor looking towards the clock as students should start piling in here at any moment.

"I don't know!" he exclaims, slightly louder than he may have intended. His voice cracks and he wants to cry again. "I feel like I'm being controlled. Like there's this odd magnet or some sort of force pulling me towards him. There's something that's making me stay near him. Not letting me forget, or not feel. I don't know what it is and it's really scaring me. Really." And Luke is actually crying again now.

"Mr. Hemmings, I think there's something more going on here than you think. You should talk to the councilor, or a friend, or you can always come before or after class to talk to me. But I think you really need to talk to that boy-" a few students come in the room making the professor talk quieter, "-you need to get out of your own head."

Luke thanks him and tries to focus once the lesson starts. Those words bounce around in his head. He has been told that before, but it's one of those moments he's tried to forget, from that horrible year when he was 15.

"Maybe you just need to get out of your own head," Christian giggles. He has the most amazing laugh, Luke thinks. Like a fairy's laugh.

Luke kisses the tan boy's nose. "Maybe you should stay out of it." He smiles as Christian goes in to kiss his lips. Luke places his hands on Christians hips as the brunette climbs over him in a straddle.

"C'mon, your parents wouldn't care anyway!"

"I know but-"

"But what?" Christian pouts, "I thought you said we'd do everything together. We always do what you want, why can't we do something I want to do for once?"

"But I meant things like traveling and parties and movies. This is. . . different."

"How different is it than when we go and drink and smoke weed at parties?" Christian has yet to take the adorable pout off his pink lips. Luke sits up so he can place a kiss on them.

"Please? It'll only be this once, I promise!" Christian wines.

And Luke believed him.

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It. Is. Getting. Real.

(if you didn't get it, Christian is the boy Luke was in love with when he was 15 soz)

This whole back story thing is pretty much all I every had planned in this story (besides the first chapter, like idek).

I actually really like Luke's back story in this, and it does get a bit heck-tick and sad so I'm just warning you now.