Voodoo Doll lhxai [discontinued]

Chapter Thirteen

Luke can't stop thinking about Christian. And Ashton.

There are these odd similarities he's noticed between them. Christian was loud and outgoing, as is Ashton. Christian was always an optimist, and always wanted to make people happy, as is Ashton (as well as Luke knows).

Luke counts the similarities between them, and the number is way too large for Luke's liking. And that's just in their personalities.

The only thing he feels is different between the two (besides the obvious age difference, and their strikingly different looks) is how he feels towards each of them.

Christan was the love of his life - quite possibly still is. He was the only person who was ever able to get Luke out of his depressed shell when his abusive parents, and abusive classmates got to him again. Luke fell hard for the boy, and Christian fell hard for Luke. Anyone could see the love in the two boy's eyes. Could see it in the way they smiled, day absolutely brightened by the presence of the other.

But Ashton. . . It is nearly impossible for him to decipher his feelings towards the idiotic older boy.

It's like one minute he is perfectly fine with him, content with being in his company (and Ashton's company being in him). And then the next minute, Luke feels absolutely furious towards him. Ashton messes with the natural ease of Luke's mind. It hurts the blond's head to think about Ashton. There's some sort of block sitting in his brain, preventing him from thinking much into the boy.

Luke puts his head down in his hands. He's spent the past hour crying, staring at the ceiling, staring at his phone (which he finally plugged in after four days). He grips it in his hands. The screen is cracked from him throwing it at Michael sometime this summer.

His body shakes as he tries to calm his breathing. He clicks the center button to see he has 58 messages, 11 missed calls, and two voice mails. They're almost certainly all from Calum and Michael.

Luke clicks on the messages first, and he was right. 28 from Calum and 30 from Michael. He doesn't bother to read them, instead deleting them all. He opens his voice mail and listens to the first, from Calum.

"Fucking Christ, Luke,"  the recording of his friends voice says. "Answer your fucking phone, or Mike and I are coming over." The recording ends, and Luke deletes it. Calum must have sent the before he and Michael came over on the weekend.

Luke listens as the next message starts, "Luke. . . I am honestly so sorry. I just can't seem to control myself around you." Luke's breath hitches at the sound of Ashton's voice, and cries once again, when he realizes the other boy is - was, also. "You make me feel different than I have ever felt. . . At first I thought I hated it, but then. . . I don't know if you remember or not, but we kissed this summer, among other things, and I knew then that there was something more.

"I know you hate me. . . and I would hate me, too. But I just. . . can't stop thinking about this and. . . about us." There is some quiet shuffling in the background that Luke thinks is Ashton rolling over in his bed. "I just want to say that if you don't want anything to do with me anymore, that's fine. I'll leave you alone, but please tell me. Stop ignoring me. You're driving me crazier than I already am." Then the line goes quiet, Ashton's voice replaced by the annoying computer voice asking whether Luke wants to save or delete the message. He saves it.

Luke lays back down on his bed and stares at the ceiling -- through the ceiling. His mind floats as he replays the message in his head. He can imagine Ashton lying in his bed, crying thinking abut him. Much like Luke is doing now.

Suddenly a thought strikes Luke. He sits up and opens the phone app again. 4:48 the time reads under Ashton's call.

The call is from today. It is nearly seven now. Ashton only called him two hours ago.

Luke stands so quickly his vision clouds black. He breathes heavily, but he doesn't know why he's so worked up.

Ashton was thinking about him me. Luke's mind supplies, trying to rationalize his reaction. His whole body fees hot and blush-y.

That's another thing Christian told Luke he did a lot: drive himself mental over Luke.

"Stop it!" Christian squeals through Luke's phone, on speaker because he is too tired to hold it to his face.

"Stop what? I just called you. Did you not want me to?" Luke rasps at his ceiling. He pulls his blankets to his chin and rolls on his side towards where his phone is.

"No no no no no! I'm happy you called. It's just weird how you always call me when I'm thinking about you."

"Aw, you were thinking about me?"

"Well yeah, you're sick and I'm on the opposite side of the world. Plus, I'm always thinking about you."

"You are? Me too, honey."

"No! You drive me crazy! I'm alway's wondering what you're doing or if you're okay when I'm not with you. But I know that you'd always tell me if something was wrong, right?"

Luke smiles, wide and full of teeth even though he feels like crap. "Of course."

Luke wishes he had told Christian when something was wrong. Maybe Christian wouldn't have died when he did.

Then Luke get's another thought.

If he's driving Ashton as mad as he drove Christian. . . Maybe he should call Ashton.

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My kitty is sleeping on my arm and no matter how many times I push her away she comes back.

Well than.

I'm home alone and I'm really freaked out and I can't tell you why. But I'm freaked out and I thought I should let you know idk

Whatever, this was short sorry.

I wanna start a question thing. Like

thoughts on Ashton's message?

thoughts on Christian?

thoughts on what happened to Luke? what do you think happened with him and Christian?

(sorry if there is an @ where there should be a ", for some reason the buttons are switched on my new computer [but the 2 and ' still work right?])