(Old Version) The Blood of the Covenant

Chapter Eight: Matthew

 As Matthew waited for the sun to rise on the morning of his first day of waiting, he roamed the halls of Pardus's grand estate, read books under the right-wing of the library's lamplight, and as the sun slowly crept up the horizon, sat on the railing of the balcony, listening to music on his iPod. Life seemed simple, quiet, and tranquil. But he knew this was just the calm before the storm. He only had two days left until he was sent on his next assignment, which seemed so close, yet so far away.

As the sky slowly faded from a pale blue to a ripe pink, Matthew was still perched on the railing of the balcony overlooking the estate's gardens. When 'Adventure of a Lifetime' by Coldplay began to play, he absently swung his legs and tried to ponder about pleasant things. Simple things. The fact that he was fed, clean, and hadn't suffered a beating from Pardus in a while. But, the optimism that filled his heart drained just as quickly as it came when 'Talk'  began to play. The world around him stilled.

Oh brother, I can't, I can't get through

I've been trying hard to reach you 'cause I don't' know what to do

Oh brother, I can't believe it's true

I'm so scared about the future, and I wanna talk to you

Oh, I wanna talk to you.

Why did every Coldplay song seem to fit his life? A frown crossed Matthew's face and he stopped swinging his legs. He gripped the railing as he looked down at the gardens below— neatly trimmed hedges, flowerbeds, and gravel paths. Had the estate not given him such a horrible, unsettling feeling, he might've considered it a beautiful place. Maybe on the outside, it was, but his opinion was overshadowed by the ugliness that lay behind its walls.

As Matthew stared out into the gardens, he found his gaze angling towards the ground below. He couldn't fend off the horrible thoughts that ran through his mind. Sure, he was fed, clean, and free of the bruises that came from his regular beatings, but this was only a temporary happiness. He knew, because although it was rare, it had happened before. However, this got Matthew questioning... what exactly was he living for?

Was he living to see another day of happiness?

Or was he living only because he feared death?

He didn't know. But, what he did know was that he had never considered it--not once in all the years he had been here. As he stared wide-eyed at the ground below, the thought became more and more appealing. One simple push, a few seconds of flight, and Matthew Rivers would be no more. Nobody would remember him. Nobody would care. The few people who had cared about him perished long ago. His life seemed absolutely worthless.

You can take a picture of something you see

In the future where will I be?

You can climb a ladder up to the sun.

You can climb a ladder up to the sun, Matthew thought as the song proceeded. Maybe that's just what he would do. He'd be free of pain, free of suffering, and free of this horrible, miserable life he lived. Most importantly, he'd see his family again. He'd see Micah.

Matthew closed his eyes and lifted his hands from the railing, feeling the breeze on his face. It would be such a swift, painless death. All he had to do was...lean forwards.

But, for whatever reason, he couldn't. And it wasn't because was scared.

It was as if two firm hands had grabbed him by the shoulders and kept him in his place, preventing him from making the fall. Matthew opened his eyes and threw his hands back on the railing, breathing heavily. What had previously seemed like a good idea, now felt so unbelievably wrong. Matthew felt sick to his stomach as he tried to shake the concept from his mind. Had he really just come that close to ending his life?