Black "N" Blue

Chapter 16: Like A Ton of Bricks

*1 Week Later*

Yazz's P.O.V.

   How could I have been so stupid?! I didn't know what the hell to think! I never even expected her to do that to me! So, it was all true. Everything Taraji said that night at the gathering was all true! Oh my god! Why didn't I just open my eyes sooner?! *sigh* aww man.

   You may be wondering why I'm currently scolding myself. Well, it all happened about 3 days after I dropped Ray off.

*Flashback*

   What is it that she's hiding? What is so bad that she can't tell? I hope sooner or later she just tell me what is going on. It's killing me that she can't even trust me. Everything she does, kills me on the inside. From the way she sings, dances, talk, her smile, her silky brown curly hair, and to her style. Whenever I see her cry, I just want to hold her and tell  her sweet nothings. Wait. Do I like her? That can't be though, because I have a girlfriend. I love Jamila, but why do we feel so distant?

   My thoughts have been on Ray nonstop. I can't help to smile whenever I see her and just 3 nights ago, made me feel such anger, yet sad. I knew I should've said something, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess I just didn't want to piss her off more. *sigh* As I was thinking, while looking at the ceiling, I felt my phone vibrate signalling I had a message.

Bae ❤: Hey baby, can you come over? Imy.

Omy

Bae ❤: Ok! Hurry up baby.

   I smiled after seeing her last message before preparing to leave. I grabbed a pair of shoes and walk downstairs heading to the door. I locked it and walked towards my car and start the engine.

   About 35 minutes later, I arrived and was walking over to the door, when I heard voices. Inching closer, I could tell it was Jamila and another girl.

   "Hey. Is he coming over?"

   "Yup. He just got paid too. See, I know exactly what I'm doing."

   "Girl. Okay, I'll give you your props."

   "Wait, but what about Taraji?"

   "What about her?"

   "I mean, didn't you tell me that she was drunk that night at the gathering and told Bryshere what was going on?"

   "Oh yeah! That bitch almost cost me my money, but he loves me too much to leave me."

   "That's what you think." Not being able to wait any longer, I walked inside of her apartment. She smiled, as she saw me and I felt such disgust. While opening her arms, she tried to hug me, but I pushed her off. She looked taken aback, as if she didn't just admit the real reason she's with me.

   "Bryshere, w-what's wrong?" She stuttered, while I only looked at her before bitterly laughing.

   "You know, Jamila I thought you loved me." She stopped smiling, while widening her eyes in shock.

   "I do love you! Where is this all coming from?" She said, as she looked at me, while biting her lips. I raised an eyebrow an amusement, just to see how long she can keep the act.

   "No, u don't. You love my money! Tell me, is that what it's been about all along?" I said, while glaring at her. A few seconds passed by and it was still silent as she continued looking down. I scoffed and bitterly smiled before looking the other way.

   "Wow. All along she was right." I whispered more to myself, before walking over to the door. However, not before turning my head to the side.

   "This, us, everything is over. Find someone else to use, because I'm done Jamila." I said, before opening the door. Though not being able to take a step out of it, since arms were being wrapped around me.

   "Bry, please don't do this; to me, to us-" She tried to finish her sentence, but I didn't let her as I pushed her off of me.

   "Don't call me that. There is no us, not anymore, not ever. You can only blame yourself and I can only blame myself for being such an idiot." Not wanting to hear or see her any longer, I left her, crying on the floor while hearing "stupid, stupid, stupid" along the lines of whatever the hell she was saying.

   I didn't care-I no longer cared. After all, she finally expressed how she really felt about me. I thought she actually loved me, but turns out it was all fake and it was anything but real. I was a fool, I admit. I shouldn't have fell so hard and I damn sure should've listened to Taraji. *sigh*

   I felt my face, only to feel dryness and not a single tear running down it. I was surprised why I wasn't crying. Usually, when people go through heart breaks, they would cry and pour all of their feelings out through tears or screaming out in pain. So, why wasn't I doing any of that then?

   'Perhaps, I've fallen out of love with Jamila a long time ago and just wanted to hold on for her not to end up with a broken heart.' I chuckled bitterly at that thought as it turned out, I was the one who was supposed to end up with the broken heart. It's funny though since I felt nothing, not even anger.

   I tilted my head back, leaning against the cold bare seat. There was so many thoughts that was running through my mind, yet only one stood out the most, Serayah. Just the image of her soft and curly bouncy hair made my lips curved upwards. However, as quick as it came, it disappeared when the memory of our conversation that night resurfaced through my brain.

   *sigh* What do I have to do to get you to trust me? Why must you hide? Why do you make me crazy? Every little thing you do, makes me want to protect you and keep you safe and sound. Serayah! What are you doing to me?! *sigh* A nice shower would do me some good.

*End of Flashback*

   It turns out Taraji was right all along and I was the fool to begin with. I can't believe I didn't see it from the start; how could I have been so stupid? Wait. Am I still hurting others? Hurting the ones around me? How? Who am I causing pain to? *sigh* I wish I had some kind of sign to know who it was, but I don't know if I'll even get one.

   Releasing yet another sigh, I dreadfully stood up to walk to my bathroom in order to get ready for the day.

   After I got dressed, I then walked into my bedroom just in time to see my phone ringing. I picked it up and realized that I forgot to block someone's number and so that's exactly what I did.

   To be honest, I didn't feel like talking to anyone. So many things happened last week and I miss a certain curly head brunette. Everytime I think about her, my heart races and feels like it's going to leap out of my chest. 'What the absolute hell? What is this feeling? I've never actually experienced it. Is this-is what I'm feeling l-l-love?' I thought as I felt my heartbeat increase. I can't possibly love Serayah, right?

   It's a new feeling that I've never felt before. Come to think of it, I never felt any palpations of my heart increasing for Jamila or my breath hitched whenever I looked at her, while she was licking her lips and looking in a daze like I look at Ray.

   Not realizing that a smile found it's way to my lips until I felt them with my fingers, which made me smile wider while thinking of her. 'I think I do.' With that thought, I finally realized something I should've a while back.

   Feeling more determined with a heart set on making things right, I run down the stairs and walk out of the front door before locking it and getting inside of my car.