Le Cirque Des Cassés

Chapter Thirteen: Bite

"Pica; Craving and chewing substances that have no nutritional value, such as ice, clay, soil, or paper."

Bite had chosen to follow Cut, a choice she wasn't sure she was confident with. Cut had explosive sadism, one wrong word and Bite could get hurt. Yet, she felt like she needed to know this. She needed to know why he felt so excluded, maybe she could help him. Cut kept walking, not looking back to Bite, he could hear her footsteps following.

He walked up to his trailer, and Bite hesitated. Cut had never allowed anyone into his trailer, and all of them suspected to find a ton of weapons in there. Bite was traumatized of guys enough as is, but being alone with one while he had weapons? Did her curiosity matter that much to her?

"Last chance to back out Bite," Cut said with a taunting voice. It then clicked for Bite. He wanted to tell her, he wanted someone to know this story. He was antagonizing her like this so she would push through out of stubbornness or spite. 

Bite looked up at the back of Cut's head, "I trust you Cut." Cut opened his trailer door and walked in. Bite glanced around nervously, worried that if someone saw her enter his trailer they would freak out. Seeing the coast was clear, she entered the trailer. 

The sight before her was nothing of what she had expected. He had quotes along the walls, written onto a paper with a drawing and then pinned to the wall. The color theme for the room was blue, not the red that they were all expecting. He showed a fondness for gold rather than silver, and in general his room gave a peaceful vibe. Bite's blue eyes were wide with wonder as she looked around the room. At his desk there was a sketchbook with charcoal pencils lined up side by side next to it, there was a bookshelf above the desk. Bite looked at the books, a few on anger management, as well as multiple historical fiction books. "What is it Bite?"

"Do I sound like an airhead for saying I didn't expect this from you?" 

"Who did," Cut said, chuckling some, "So you wanna know?"

Bite looked at him, "Yeah, I wanna know why and how you arrived, but I think just knowing you would be smart too." She smiled lightly, which startled Cut. 

"I arrived due to police," Cut said. Bite looked surprised, the police knew of the cirque? "I was running from them for a while. A long while. I had killed someone," Cut was looking off. He was remorseful for this, he never meant to. "My lover at the time. They kept saying they were fine, that they could take more. Not a smart phrase to say to a sadist sometimes. I then killed their parents, those two murders were... more preferable."

"Oh," Bite said softly, she couldn't imagine how badly that would fuck someone's brain up. Maybe that was why Cut had never hurt someone at the cirque. 

"Police caught me, ruled me insane without a trial and brought me here. It was meant to be temporary. Just until cells opened up. They've never come back for me, I'm glad they haven't," Cut said. 

"Cut, do you like it here?" 

"Of course I do," Cut replied, "Everyone here is understanding. Everyone respects my wishes and choices, but they shouldn't. Flame, Lion, and Blade, sure they've fucked some people up pretty bad. But they never killed anyone. They always are sensible enough to know when to stop, or maybe they were just lucky and understood when someone said stop."

"First off, Lion was cutting off someone's fingers one by one. Secondly, Cut, you've never hurt anyone here," Bite said softly.

"Even when I want to I can't. It sucks to care so much about people, to be so damn attached you can't even imagine them hurt, even when that was never an issue before." 

"I get it, some. In a different way. You're scared to hurt us due to caring. I'm scared I'll get hurt," Bite said.

"Ringmaster wouldn't allow anyone to lay a finger on you Bite, even if he did none of us want to deal with Dancer and Whisper's rage over you getting hurt."

Bite smiled softly, "I know Cut. Yet, around every guy there is that fear of 'What if they do'. I know no one here would, but the 'what ifs' attack my thoughts constantly."

"Can I know..." Cut paused, this was a sensitive issue, "Can I know what happened?"

Bite nearly froze instantly. Should she tell Cut? He had shared something vulnerable about himself with her, but was telling him this equal? She knew the answer to that was simply, No. But she still wanted to tell him, she wanted to tell someone about what had happened to her. Talking would help. "It's... a lot." 

"If you don't want to tell me I won't make you, I'd never do that to you Bite."

"I know, I want to tell you," Bite said. Cut nodded gently. He sat, crossed legged on his bed, and motioned gently for her to sit beside him if she desired. Bite moved carefully and sat on the bed with Cut, it had been so long since she was alone with a guy. It had been so long since she had sat on a guy's bed. The last time she did it resulted in life altering trauma, but this was different. She felt safe, Cut made her feel safe. She had never noticed before, but his blue eyes were like ocean waves, washing over her, protecting her from danger outside. His white smile was like a guiding light, leading her to safety. She never noticed how safe she felt around him, shy sure, she was always shy. But she felt safe around him. She told him. She told him everything that had happened to her. The cameras, the pain, the blood. The lack of food, the slaps, the apologies. Everything poured out of her mouth.

She was crying. Cut carefully took her hands, not wanting to touch her, not wanting to scare her. She moved closer, and clung to him. And cried. She cried for the childhood she had lost, she cried for the times she felt unloved, she cried for the times she was loved for the wrong reason. Cut held her, keeping her close and secure. He became like a blanket that a child would have to protect them from the monsters under the bed. He realized this too, he knew that from now on, he was her blanket of protection, the one teddy bear that seemed to chase the shadows back into the closet, the parent that would kiss her forehead and say goodnight like she never had. He became her safety, and in that moment, Bite became Cut's mission. A mission of protection.