We aren't supposed to feel

Part twelve

I fear, that I will never find them, that they will never know that I remember them and that I could never forget them. I fear, that I will never see their faces again. And as the days, then the weeks and months go by, those fears only increase. I have looked everywhere, every place that I can think of, that work building where I first met them, the grocery store, the cottage. I visit that cottage often, I sit and look at the flowers until I have to go back. What if I never get to sit with them again, never get to smile with them.
I stare at the ashes of the library, I can't believe that I did this. I didn't even read all the books. All that knowledge, gone. I bend down and pick up a small handful of ashes, but a strong gust of wind blows it all away. I close my eyes then stand. Opening my eyes I make a solid promise to myself, I will never turn into that thing again.
If I had tears I would shed them, I would weep until I had none left. But my mechanical parts can't produce tears. I am a dry, empty vessel.
Late at night I consider using a special type of device that lets you see the entire world and find certain people. The only thing is, is that device will send a warning to all other robots if it spots a human. But the device isn't always accurate, that's why we usually stick to just walking and finding them that way. If I use it I will be putting them in danger, this tactic might get them killed. Am I really that hopeless that I would result to that? I stand then walk to the window, looking out at the moon I say to myself, "Maybe it is a good idea that I never find them again, maybe they will be safer without me. Maybe, I should stop looking."
THREE YEARS LATER:
So many things have changed.
They burned down the cottage, it is now a pile of ashes like the library was. And the flowers are just a memory, being blown away by the wind.
It is hard to act emotionless, and it is hard not to kill when they expect you to. Everything is hard in this world.
Time is difficult to keep track of, sometimes I wonder if it has really been three year since I last saw them; George, Layla, Mimi. I wonder how old they are now, I wonder if they remember me.
The ice hardened ground crunches underneath my feet, the earth in front and all around me is bare, I know that the grass will never grow back, even in the summer.
I was given a task, to find some people who escaped the "custody" of one of the robots. I don't see how that's even possible, these kids must be pretty smart.
That is why I am walking, surrounded by other robots who are armed. I swallow hard, what if they want me to kill a person? I won't be able to do that, last time that happened I had to disable the warning system on all of them and then kill them. I was lucky that time because only two came with me, but today, there are at least twenty. Apparently the kids have escaped many times and are extremely wanted. I grin, these robots are loosing there fire.
"We are close to the site, get your guns ready." Says a robot through the speaker on my arm.
I grit my teeth then take a deep breath, I won't kill a human, and that's that.
A little ways up a hill appears a large house; half of the building is blackened from fire, a large chunk of the roof is missing, and I can only imagine what the color of the house might have been. I instantly know that this is our destination.
One of the robots walks up to the door and tries it, it opens slightly then stops, it tries it a couple more times before stepping back and kicking the large wooden door. After a little while of no success more start to join in on the effort. I take a step back and examine the house again, there are windows a little ways up that we could access. I look back down, not saying anything. My hands tighten around the handle of the large strap-on guns and my jaw tightens, I am willing to risk my life if I have to so I don't kill a human, I just hope I don't have to go that far.
I raise my head abruptly when I hear a robot shout, "Sir! There are window above us, we should try entering there!"
As one the robots lift their heads to the windows then jump, then extend their legs and easily break through the glass, entering the house. For a second I stand there, then I curse under my breath and the do the same.
The inside of the house smells musty and old, cobwebs litter what looks like a bedroom. Faded red sheets cover a broken bed, the floor has many holes in it and looks like it could give out any second, and the yellow wall paper is peeling off, creating small curls. It takes much effort to stop my disgust from appearing on my face. Slowly we walk out of the room and into the small hallway which connects that bedroom to two other rooms. "Split up, you three go downstairs and branch out, the rest stay up here." We nod and I go down the stairs with two other robots. I walk through the rooms slowly, how am I going to help them get out of here? I need to find them before everyone else does, then somehow I will lead them out of here, if it means having them find out about me feeling again then so be it.
I walk out of the kitchen and look around when I notice a small door at the end of a hallway, I walk up to the door then try it, it doesn't open. I bite my lip, they might be behind that door, leaning back I start kicking. After two kicks the door falls backwards into the room. Walking inside I turn on the light that is attached to my gun. Showing the beam around the room I walk through, the space seemed to be used for storage a long time ago and decomposing wooden boxes are in stacks making the only walking space a small passageway. I hear footsteps outside of the room and I snap my head around, "I heard a sound!" The robot says.
I swallow hard then say, "I thought they might be in here, but I was wrong."
The robot shines his light down the passageway and for a couple moments there is complete silence as the robot walks down the passage then stops in front of me, "Keep looking." It says.
"Yes sir."
And with that the robot turns and walks away. I sigh, slightly disappointed. I turn and start to walk away when I feel a slight breeze on my back, turning around again I examine the wall at the end of the passage. I walk to it then place my hand on the hard wood, I feel the breeze again, it's coming from here. I apply force to the board and it gives, separating enough from the wall so I can grab hold of it and pull. It comes out easily leaving a hole where I can see the outside. I suck in air, grit my teeth, then slip through the hole. Wind pushes itself against my body as I stand on a five inch piece of wood protruding from the house. I squeeze my eyes closed, my fake heart skipping beats. Then I open them and, keeping my back flush against the house, I move ever so slowly down the board. When I dare to lift my head I see a shoelace draped over the side of the roof. My eyes widen, could that be? With my heart thumping in my chest I edge slowly around so my stomach is facing the roof, then I drag my arms up and grasp the edge of the top of the roof. With shaking arms I pull myself up, and what I see almost brings tears to my eyes.
Six frightened wide eyes, on three faces. Three faces, that I recognize. And slowly, they recognize me. But instead of laughing, crying or even smiling, sadness fills their eyes. George raises a shaking gun and points it at my face, and the starts of tears gather in his eyes. After a moment of silence I raise my hand and cover the end of the gun, "If you shoot, they will know you're here and come. I presume that you want to escape alive?"
The silence returns, but this time it's his voice that breaks it, "Do you, know me?" He says in a voice that is shaking just as much as the gun that is still pointed at me.
"Of course, how could I forget any of you?"
The gun stops shaking then falls from his hands into mine. Mimi is the first one to smile, then Layla, and finally George. I turn my head away and look around, "Come on, let's get out of here." I say.
Layla rubs away her tears then asks, "How? There are at least five more robots inside and two outside."
"I don't know, but I do know that I won't lose you guys again."
I was wrong when I thought that they would be safer without me and I should stop looking, I need to protect them, I need to be there for them, forever.
They nod at me in agreement, and I feel a warm breeze on my back, and I know that I am the only robot that feels the warmth of the sun and the coolness of the grass on my feet.
Author: No this is not the end of the story! I know that is what you were thinking!! There is one more chapter and then the Epilogue, and then the book will be at its end! Sooooooooooooo, did you guys like the chapter? Maybe? At least a little bit? Anyways, like comment, tell me what you think!