The Game

Eighty-one

Day 182
Today marked exactly six months since me and Grace started our new lives in Australia. I've reached my goal of being settled and finding my happy place. Grace is excelling in school, she's made so many friends and is that confident little girl I once knew. She's even playing with toys and interacting like a child not worrying about adult things. She's even got to the point where she doesn't want me to walk into school with her anymore. I stay close by as even I'm not ready for that but it's progress. She still sees her counsellor once a week and I will continue with that until I feel she no longer needs that emotional support.

My six month progress is amazing, I also see a counsellor once a week and it's the only chance I get to relive my experiences as many times as I need to and it helps me alot. I've become strong and independent something I was striving for. My job keeps me grounded, reminds me we all have our own demons and progress is a long road.

My personal life has taken a hit, me and Darren have slowly come to an understanding. It's heart breaking but of course we both knew we couldn't be in a relationship right now while I'm the other side of the world. Now we've worked ourselves out we are in a good place, we can talk as friends, we maybe speak once a week. We keep it friendly and speak about work we make an effort not to talk about the past because that's when it gets a little hairy. I love him still and always will but we've both agreed we can't hold on for each other that's unfair to put a barrier up from us moving on and finding our happiness.

I speak to Beth every day, she even came to visit us last month for three weeks and it was so comforting to see a familar face.

My relationship with my parents is slowly mending, we are working on it. She's still holding some upset towards me and I can't blame her but one day maybe we can be like we use to. Grace still talks to her over facetime every week, as she does with Darren. Darren is a huge part of her life, he played a massive part and I couldn't remove him from her life. She needs him, she needs a real man as a role model. Darren shows her what it really means to be treated correctly and I need her to know that.

Another day tomorrow and another chance to build my empire.
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I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing, barely registering my voice breaks as I answer, "Hello?"

"Happy birthday!" Beth screams down the phone. I pull the phone away from my ear and break into smiles.

"It's so god damn early!" I whisper back.

"Well that's what you get for moving to the other side of the world" she laughs.

"I sent a present hopefully you'll receive it today. What are your plans today?" She asks.

"I don't know really, you know I don't like celebrating my birthday" I groan.

"I know, its got some bad memories and it's attached to a part of your life you want to forget but we are celebrating another year you survived, remember that yeah?" I know she's giving me her warm smile down the phone.

"I know it's just hard and also this is my first birthday away from everyone I think it's going to be hard" I silently allow a tear fall.

"We are all at the end of the phone, have you spoken to Darren recently?"

"I have, I spoke to him last week" I sigh.

"How's everything with you two?"

"OK I guess. I can slowly feel us fading away. I mean we agreed we can't be in a relationship right now but that doesn't stop me wondering what if he meets someone else? What if he doesn't wait for me to come back and I know I told him not too but a part of me really wants him too. I love him still so much" I can't help the sobs. My birthday is always a delicate day, it's the day I was taken to the hell house, I also shared my birthday with my best friend Jodie who was taken from me and its also the first day I met Zara.