The Game

Forty-eight

"You don't have to do this" My mum worryingly looks at me.

"I do" I nod as I twiddle with my fingers.

"Well I've told you my opinion" she turns the car off and pulls out the key.

"Uh huh yes you've been pretty clear about voicing your opinion" I snap.

"Loz" she glares at me.

I've been snappy recently I can't help it, I've gone from being upset to now a fucking angry woman. Again I can thank Harry for that, I'm waiting for my first session with a counsellor. I wasn't sure at first but I think it would do me good.

"Right I need to do this now or never, so I'll see you when I come out?" I turn to her.

"I'm not going anywhere" my mum smiles and kisses me on the cheek.

I know she's nervous she's been begging me all week since coming back from the Maldives about not doing this. But she doesn't understand, no one ever will.

I walk up to the large double glass doors and step in, I'm quickly greeted my a smart dressed lady, "Lauren?" she hold her hand out.

"Yes" we share a handshake.

"My names Gemma, I'm from the victim support team" she guides me towards another set of doors. I hate being referred to as a victim, I'm a survivor but I bite my tongue and follow her quickly.

"I'm sorry but we have to do this, I'll just need to do a body search" She looks at me with sympathy and it's then I realise I don't like Gemma. I close my eyes and nod. It's over quickly and after I'm left suddenly feeling extremely angry towards her.

"I'm sorry about that" she hands me back my bag.

"Don't be" I snap.

With a nod of her head she shows me to another door, "There will be someone watching from the room next door"

I slowly nod as she opens the door and I step in, he's there.

I keep my head down and pull my large winter coat around me. I sit in front of the man I hate with just a table separating us.

"Baby" he smiles when our eyes meet.

"Don't call me that" I snarl. The bruising has cleared up and his green eyes shine in the bright lights.

"Princess?" he smirks.

I roll my eyes and choose to ignore him, "How's prison life?" I smile sweetly.

With a laugh he nods, "Its good, it comes in handy when you're a wealthy motherfucker"

"money isn't forever, prison will be for you" I try and hold back the tears. I want him to be hurt, I want him to hate life from now on.

With a shrug he smiles, "Tell me what's been happening? Fill me in on the gossip" he leans back.

"I haven't come here to hold an fucking conversation with you asshole!" I shout.

"Oo there she is! I love it when you get angry, turns me on" he rubs his privates.

"I wish I could show you how much I fucking hate you!" I cry. I can't help it, again he's got to me. I quickly wipe away my tears.

"That's hurtful" he pouts out his bottom lip.

I mentally tell myself to pull it together, "It's hot in here isn't it?" I stand up and take my coat off. There is no hiding the bump I'm now sporting. I am thirty weeks pregnant now and it's going to be the first time he's seeing me.

"Woah! Girl. You've been busy" he widens his eyes.

"Funny, you bastard. It's yours!" I sit down.

"Mine?" he laughs "Are you just saying that to get good child maintaince payouts?" he winks.

I throw my head back in distress, "Are you not fucking human! This baby is your baby Harry. You know, made from the number of times you fucking raped me!"

I watch as he sits in silence. I know he's playing it cool. He doesn't want me to know he has emotions.

"And no I don't want any fucking money from you. You will have nothing to do with this baby" I scream at his smug face. I just want to wipe it off with my fist.

Again he laughs, "Well what a turn of events. I'm a daddy!" he claps his hands excitingly.

"arrrghh" I scream, why does he infuriate me so God damn easily.

"You won't be on the birth certificate, you won't have any legal right to my child" I cry.

"I wanted you forever, but it seems you now have me forever. You'll always be reminded of me in our child. So I guess my wish came true, you'll always be mine for as long as you have our child. When I get out here and God help me I will. I will make sure I come searching for you and that child. Good behaviour? I'll be out in ten. Maybe even less"

"I was going to be nice and give you a picture" I stand up.

"You've got a picture?" he face instantly changes.

I nod and pull out the scan picture holding it in my hands out of his reach, I stare at him looking at the picture. It's the first time I've ever seen his face soften, his eyes glass over.

"I'm thirty weeks pregnant with her" I say not moving the scan picture.

He looks up at me, "A girl?"

I nod with no emotion, "Have you looked long enough?"

"Huh?" he tilts his head.

I pull out the lighter I had in my pocket, "Because its the last time you'll ever see her" I flick the lighter and hold it underneath the picture and watch over the burning photo Harry struggling to leave his seat. Unfortunately he is chained down, "She will never know who you are, maybe I'll find someone else and she'll call him daddy. He will be the best daddy to her"

"You evil fucking bitch" he snarls.

I laugh, I actually Laugh. He has the nerve to call me evil? I lean over and with all my anger and my strength swing a punch to the front of his face knocking him back.

"I learnt from the best. What a game its been, check mate" I spit into his face as the door swings open and officers come in and gesture I leave now. I make sure I see Harry before I leave, his face is bleeding. The scan picture on the table burning as Harry desperately tries to blow it out.
--

I run back to the car and jump in, "What happened?"

"Can we just leave please" I bury my head in my hands.

"OK" my mums turns the key and without a single word all the way home I cry. I skip out on dinner and just stay in my room, I decide to go onto my ipad because all the TV is showing at the moment is one direction news coverage, one direction documentaries. I thought I'd never seen them again after but it seems I see them more now than back at the house.

I turn my ipad on for the first time and wait for the update, once its finished messing about I click on a few apps, play some games before deciding to flick through some photos.

But as soon as I open them I instantly regret it as my iPhone was connected to my ipad and the last photo is of me, Harry and Louis in the corridor at their concert.

I was so happy I had bumped into them, they looked happy taking the picture but it's now I look closer knowing what I know. The side eyes between Harry and louis says it's all.

I flick further back and there are the ones of me and Jodie in the crowd, the last picture of her smiling. I will never forget her face before she died, a mix of happiness I was alive and being scared it would be the last time she was alive.

Will I ever be rid of them?

I close the ipad and lay back, I rest my hands on my belly and wait for the soft kicks baby girl is giving me. I hate how she's half Harry. I pray to god I don't resent her for the rest of her life. This isn't her fault but how can I care for her when she's part of him.

I find myself falling into a deep disturbed sleep.