I Love You and I'm Sorry

Part 7

Trigger Warning: suicide note

Ames,

Before I say anything else, I need you to know: it isn't your fault. Side note, oh my god, I used a colon, like, correctly! I did that for you, Ames. Sorry, my therapist said I use humor as a coping mechanism. All jokes aside though, none of this is because of you. I swear you were the only thing that made me wait this long. I wish I could've been good enough to deserve you. You're the best thing in my life (don't tell Charles I said that).

As for why (as for??? i sound so pretentious????), I just can't take it anymore. I need this to be over. I did some research, Ames. I think I have Depression. I mean, there must be something wrong with me, because no person is meant to feel like this. It hurts so bad Ames. It's killing me. 

Find someone else, okay? Get married again, have kids with someone better than me. The truth is, I never could've had kids with you because I'd feel so guilty if our kid came out like me. I'm sorry I held you down for so long. Why did you let me do that to you? Look, I have to go this hurts too much. I love you Ames.