Chasing the Night || a moey au

Chapter Twelve

- Chapter Twelve -

For at least a minute, I stayed completely silent. No movements, and definitely no words. I knew this was coming, there was even a sliver in me that hoped it would happen. But now that it did, I knew it might be my last week in this beautiful city of Los Angeles. "No," I choked, and that was probably all I could say. I got up and backed away, shaking my head and muttering "no" repetitively under my breath.

"Bre-"

"You don't even know me!" I screamed. He didn't even know my real name, my past, where I was before this, my other terrible relationships, my experiences, my troubles. He knew a sliver of who I am, and I am more often of the time fake. "You really don't know me."

"But what if I love not knowing you. I'm obsessed with the idea of getting to know you. It may take years, but there's something so beautifully tragic about you, and it's killing me
to find out. Why don't you let me love that sad part of you."

"Because love isn't real! Love is just optimism. You already know it's gonna end horribly, it's that constant nagging in the back of your mind. But you keep your chin up, and climb too high. After a short amount of time, people get bored of this optimism, and try to find something new, something to refill their heart. And your ass is the one landing right back where it started. That's what love is. A daydream. It's chasing some kind of none existent light in your life. And I'm chasing the night, the only reasonable possibility. It's not negativity, it's staying on the ground so you can't fall further down." I felt tears sting my eyes, and I felt my face with the back of my hand for heat.

"Just at least let me show you that you can be happy with me, and I promise I could turn that 'optimism' into a reality." He stepped closer to me, speaking so fluently and without anger.

"And you think happiness is real too? Not for me. It's really fucking hard for me to be happy. What makes you feel like you could over weigh every moment in my life to make this moment 'happy'. Think of something practical for God's sake."
I turned around quickly enough to give him absolutely no time to respond, I don't know how he would either. But knowing Joey, he could've come up with something so simple that it would make it so hard for me to argue back. He was so gentle, and took everything as a positive opportunity, and it is killing me how opposite he was from me. They do say opposites attract.

I stumbled out of his apartment with tears already falling down my cheeks. I hated him so much that I fell in love with that hate, and it was impossible to resist it. I looked down at what I was wearing, and knew it was impossible to go on the streets in this. I was too far away from home, and it had to be around 10PM now. So I decided, I'd have to run.

As I pushed passed the crowds of people, it started to rain. The first few drops were cold, but the more I ran, the more I stopped feeling the cold. The cold of the rain blended in with the cold of my heart, and I didn't feel it anymore. At this point, I had no idea whether there were tears or just raindrops running down my face. But every so often I felt a bit of salt on my tongue, and knew it was the sad result of a forbidden love falling from my eyes.

After what had to be more than half an hour, I made my why to my street corner. I felt nothing anymore, I didn't feel tired, sad, excited, nothing. Of course, with the loss of breath, humidity with the rain, and with the silent cries, I could feel that sharp, raspy feeling in my lungs, but I never stopped.

To make my night even better, I was greeted by the sound of glass being thrown at the wall before me. I wiped my eyes quickly and saw black mascara and eyeliner residue run off my palms. Great, I thought to myself. Not only do I have to deal with drunk eyes, but now that most of my foundation and eye makeup had worn off, the redness of my tear washed face was definitely plain in sight.

"Hey babe!" They called at me as I walked by. I wouldn't look, I never looked. As long as the would stare, I would ignore. How could they be so goddamn confident? Always cat calling, thinking everyone who walks by loves them.

"Where are you going?" One of them called, and after the words were said, a smell of smoke lingered in the air, "Mind if I come?" They rest of the group erupted in laughter at the stupid call. Drunk men can laugh at anything.

As I passed the hangout of those guys, I saw another figure walking towards me from the other end of the thin ally way. At first I was frightened, the figure was walking so fast and angrily that I panicked slightly. But as the light of the moon showed behind the person, the silhouette was so painfully familiar. With the high-styled hair, skinny legs, and muscular lungs, I knew I had to start thinking of a plan to outrun him.

But instead, I kept walking. As I got closer, the light reflected of his face and I could see his own tears running down his face. "Joey" I spoke quietly, but angrily, "What are you doing here?" I wiped some rain off my lips and looked up at him.

His eyes were locked to the ground and his voice sounded so vulnerable, "I just wanted to tell you that..." He trailed off, taking a deep, shaky breath. I watched as his shoulders moved up and down with his breath, "Love and happiness is attainable." And with that, he walked away. As fast as he got here, he was gone. I was caught in a wave of even more tears, and as the rain hit my head even harder and the sobs came more frequently, I felt myself loosing breath.

The lightheadedness was almost a good feeling for me. It made me feel somehow away from the cruel world. Like I was on the border like of escaping, but still had to brave my way through life. Most of the pain was gone, but now my broken heart was replaces with a panicked one from trying to find ways to make myself breathe. I'm guessing this is why people do drugs, to get this sensation, but more.

I walked down the street leading to Paul's bakery. I wiped my full face with my hands and let the rain wash off the dripping makeup. I stopped listening to the world around me, my eardrums being filled with the sound of my beating heart. Everything I saw was blurred, and every bright light had another large circle of a fuzzy white colour surrounding it. This made it impossible to see or hear, but I didn't mind at this point.

I did, however, hear what sounded like footsteps walking towards me. As I walked closer to this sound, I felt a sense of comfort instead of fear or dread. I wanted to be near this sound. A warm hand grabbed my arm and I tensed with the touch before slowly recognizing it from all the times Joey bad to help me walk from place to place.

I guess we just stood there, under the increasingly pouring rain, looking into each others eyes. I couldn't see his face clearly, but I could see confusion sprawled across it. I don't know why he was here, or why he came to my home from the opposite direction, and I didn't dare to ask. I also had no idea why we just stood here, I guess neither of us wanted to move, and we were somehow forced into this bubble of unanswered questions. He tilted his head a bit, and wiped the remaining amount of makeup I had on my face off. His eyes grew wider, and as I smoothed out my damp dress, he whispered,

"Meghan?"

A/N SO YAY GUYS THIS IS THE CLIFFHANGER IVE BEEN WANTING TO WRITE FOR THE ENTIRE STORY. DO YOU GUYS LIKE IT!? (There's more reveals coming, just u wait)

I just wanted to tell you guys that if you want to get any important updates including updating problems on this and all my other fanfics, follow my twitter @TurtleGraceffa (< #selfpromo right there) because rather then updating the fanfiction with a message, I just post a short heads up on my twitter :D some of you beautiful people are already following so thank you :)

P.S. I am aware that it NEVER rains in LA, but it adds effect so jUST PRETEND. (And I kinda needed it for my cliffhanger cuz her makeup had to wash off so yOU'll UNDERSTAND MORE LATER I PRomise.)

And shoutout to my Grade 8 teacher for inspiring me to write this chapter from a thing she said to me. Love her so much!!!