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𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖊𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖓

                              Rachel

i giggle uncontrollably , im high and drunk what a great combo to take away all of the pain. my heart doesn't hurt anymore i just feel , like travis scott once said , i feel like i'm the highest in the room. i hear my phone ring from the bed , i get up and stumble over air , i laugh at myself before i pick up my phone.

"hello?" i say with an uncontrollable laugh

"rachel?" the person ask on the other line , i can quite make out who the voice belongs to

"the one and only in the flesh" i say while still laughing

"are you okay?" the person ask , i can tell there concerned

"oh i'm fineeeee , i might be just a little tiny bit drunk and little bit high" i say while dragging out the e with a slur and laughing once again

"what why?" the other person ask in shock

"because i needed to take away the pain that the asshole ale has cause me" i say while slurring

"rachel im coming over"

"okay i need company and people to get high with , by the way do you mind telling me who you are?" i say laughing

"it's mattia , and i'm on my way" he says , i smile and nod even though he can't see me. i end the call and lay down on my bed scrolling through tiktok after i get bored i open the application known as snapchat , out of boredom i press the record button and say the first thing that comes to mind

"hey guys it's rachel here , i may be drunk and high at the same time" i cut myself off by laughing

"anyways i just wanted to tell y'all men really ain't shit you do everything for them and they repay you in trash , they don't deserve us women we are way to good for them" i say with a smile , i look at the camera and blow a kiss towards it. i post it on my private which only consist of my closest friends. i put my phone down and let the darkness consume me.

-

i wake up to someone shaking me , i turn around and i'm faced with mattia , abby and vanessa. why the fuck is she here? i feel my stomach start to twist and turn , i grab my hair and put it up in a ponytail, i put my hand over my mouth signaling i'm about to vomit. abby passes me a bucket , i throw up into it. i grab a napkin off my nightstand and wipe my mouth , i grab my water bottle from earlier and drink from it

"rachel why are you drinking and smoking again i thought you stopped" abby says worried , i roll my eyes and scoff at her

"oh now you wanna talk to me right?" i snap with an attitude , i stand up and walk to the bathroom. i grab my toothbrush and toothpaste and apply the toothpaste and run my toothbrush under water

"what do you mean?" i roll my eyes at her response

"everyone has ignored me since lunch do you know how many times i've walked past my 'friends' only to hear them talk about vanessa or be with vanessa , you guys didn't even spare me a passing glance" i scream while putting air quotes around friends

vanessa and abby jump back at my screaming. mattia looks at me shocked , i shake my head and i look at my toothbrush and see the toothpaste had fallen off i apply toothpaste again just for the water pressure to push it off again. i put it on for the third time and it falls off. i throw the toothbrush into the sink and start crying

"god why won't the fucking toothpaste stay on?" i scream out of anger , tears stream down my cheeks for the second time today. i grab my hair in frustration, my heart aches and pounds in pain. mattia comes up to me and engulfs me in a hug

"it hurts mattia , it just hurts so fucking bad"

"what hurts rachel?"

"my fucking heart , it hurts. it aches with pain. i want it to stop please please make it stop" i say while crabbing the collar of his shirt

"if i could i would" he says while rubbing my back gently , i sob uncontrollably into his shoulder , not wanting to feel pain anymore i push mattia off of me and head into my closet and grab my stash of weed and tequila again. abby rushes towards me and takes it out of my hands

"no abby i need it" i cry while reaching for it only for her to put it behind her back and look at me

"no you don't" she says with a voice crack , her eyes start to well up with tears

"i need it to take away my pain , the pain that you and mattia and vanessa and everyone caused" i scream once again , i fall to my knees and put my head down , wiping all my tears and calming down my sobs

"i'm sorry , i know i barley know you and looking at you right now i can't believe i've cause you this pain. im truly deeply sorry , but you don't need alcohol or weed to feel better" vanessa says while rubbing my back

"yes i do , i want to feel numb , i want to forget everything that has happened since i was added into that fucking groupchat , i want to forget everything" i scream , everyone in the room is looking at me worried. i shake my head looking down at the ground. why did it have to come to this? i hear the door bust open i don't even bother looking knowing mattia brung everyone over along with them

"what's wrong?" i hear the voice ask , it's roshuan i don't want him to see me like this. i don't want anyone to see me like this.

"is she okay?" i hear kairi soft angelic voice ask , they are to precious to have a demon like me in there lives they are all better off without me.

"rachel?" i hear alvaro ask

"i'm fine varo honestly" i say with a sniffle as i wipe my tears

"no your not rachel , and it's okay to not be fine , you just have to let it all out" he says while walking over to me , he starts rubbing my back i shake my head and sob harder then before

"i don't deserve you varo , or any of you guys , i am a mess. i drink alcohol and smoke weed to feel numb. i cry about ever little thing. i blow things way out of proportion and you guys have to deal with it all. you would all be better off without me , your lives would be more normal , you would all be happier and you would all have way less drama. i'm just a burden in your lives"

"no your not rachel we love you , and we want to deal with you. we want every little thing that comes in the package of rachel gonzalez. the good and the bad we don't care" i hear mattia say from behind me , everyone says yes and hums mhm's agreeing with mattia.

"i'm in pain guys and i don't know how to fucking stop it. my heart it hurts more then ever before and i barley know alejandro to begin with , i met the kid like four weeks ago and he has such a big affect on me. every single time i forgive him he fucks it up and my heart , i-it breaks a little more each time. he says he likes me a lot and that he'll wait to be with me , he keeps telling me he broke up with his girlfriend of one year just to be with me and ever time he does a grand speech for an apology and i forgive him. and every single time after i forgive him he does something that breaks my heart even more , when i met him he led me on and then he introduced me to vic , that broke me a little , then we got into that stupid argument and he called me self centered that hurt me a lot more , then he ignored me all day today just like all of you did as well , some friends i have , and to top it all off the grand finale that pushed me over the edge he posted that stupid tiktok with vanessa which broke me completely my heart was shattered and i just wanted to be numb. i didn't want to feel anything anymore"

the whole room is silent. i don't bother to say anything else because i have already said everything i needed to get off my chest. i get up and walk into the bathroom i close the door behind me and slide my back against the door sitting on the ground , wanting to crying until my broken heart gives out

MESSAGE FROM LOVINMATTIA!
i cried while writing this. please if anyone you know or if you struggle from drug and alcohol abuse talk to someone or dm me my inbox is always open lovelies. and as always don't forget to vote , comment your thoughts and share.