Kiss, Don't Tell | JJK

26 | sounds like a deal

26

SOUNDS LIKE A DEAL

I've done it this time. 

I clasped my hands tightly as my brows furrowed in concentration, trying very hard on training my eyes down to my lap because I couldn't face Jungkook this time. I can't. Not after seeing the look on his face as I told him to keep his boundaries.

It was all too much. 

"What did you say?" was only Jungkook's reply. His tone was wavering the slightest bit, and I had to swallow as he asked me this, perhaps even cross my fingers. Because I knew it in myself that I was lying, and this was a very cheap attempt to fend off these feelings I have been harboring for God knows how long.

"I said," I swallowed, pressing my lips. "To keep our boundaries." My voice is small as I say this, unable to gather much of the courage I possessed a little while ago. Instead, I shifted slightly away from him, because I was afraid he would know I was lying if the rapid thumping of my heart was any indication of that. 

Jungkook was silent after this. But he had deliberately leaned closer to me. "Say that again."

"Let's keep our boundaries," I repeated, keeping my voice firm. I was still not looking at him properly. "Draw a line and not cross these. That's what I meant."

"I know, I heard you the first time," Jungkook said. I felt him shift closer beside me yet again. I put a hand to my chest. "But is that what you want?"

No, of course not.

"I perfectly know what I want," I said, snapping my eyes back to him. He was mocking me. I knew that tone, and I knew it so well. "I said what I said."

"Then say it again," Jungkook said, this time, I can see the look in his eyes more closely, and for a second I could see the vulnerability in his eyes, and I could hear the slight waver in his voice that was so faint I thought I was imagining it. "Say it again while looking at me in the eye."

Perhaps it was because of the way he looked at me like my answer was the only silver thread of hope he could cling to that had my words struck on my throat, and unable to come out and manifest itself. 

I'm scared. 

If you keep looking at me like that, then what about me?

So I shuddered in a short breath and looked at him dead in the eye. I'm going to hate myself for weeks for this, but I was willing to go that far to protect myself from all this, whatever this was.

"Let's keep our boundaries." 

Jungkook looked taken aback like he was not believing what he just heard. He then swallowed, before he deliberately leaned away as he tore his gaze from mine. 

"I guess you're serious about it."

"Why wouldn't I be?" I croaked. When it comes to matters of the heart, I should be serious, don't you think so?

"You're right," Jungkook said, chuckling to himself. "Sure, I'll keep that in mind. Let's draw a line. And let's not cross it." Jungkook smiles, although it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Sounds like a deal?"

I look at him in the eye, feeling my heart ramming on my throat as I watch Jungkook hold out his hand, a small slow smile tilting his lips, eyes looking a little dimmer. He held out his pinky finger for me to take and my eyes darted to him and his pinky.

"Deal." 

I took his pinky finger with mine, hooking it firmly as I trained my gaze on it. 

Both Jungkook and I didn't say anything after that. He only opened another bottle of soju and drank as his eyes watched the seas overlap each other.