Tattered | JH

Chapter 5-Let it out

Five

Exhausted

We both had spent a good hour just crying and holding on to each other and now it's silent. We both had no more tears left to cry, my eyes were burning and my face I'm sure was puffy and swollen at this point. Not to mention my head was throbbing.

"I'm sorry y/n..."

Hoseok's voice is soft and horse, he clears his throat and I look over at him. He's a complete mess, face red and puffy, eyes red and damp.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when we lost...I should of been there...I..."

I inhale a deep breath before getting to my feet, my body felt extremely heavy. It took everything in me to pull myself up off the ground, Hoseok follows.

I'm not really sure what to say to him at this point, the mention of what we lost makes me angry instantly. Not only at him but at myself for failing us both, for failing the innocent life lost. I felt unwomanly for not being able to carry a child, my body failed me.

I failed me.

"Y/n...say something...talk to me please"

I can feel my body shaking and my eyes trying to produce more tears but nothing comes out. Hoseok's hands are on me again and I pull away, I don't want to feel his touch I don't even want him here right now. I feel angry and disgusted all over again.

"You're right, you should of been there. You should of been with me when I found out that we had lost our child. But you made me go alone..."

He looks pained and for some reason it makes me feel better. We had avoided this subject sense that night when I told him I wanted a divorce and I didn't want anything to do with him. We had moved past it after the divorce, it took time but we moved past it so why he was bringing it up again was beyond me.

"Do you even know how hurt and broken I felt? Walking out of that place alone...I couldn't even make it past the front door! I sat there for hours trying to wrap my head around what I did wrong or why this was even happening..."

My body somehow manages to produce tears once again, I'm staring Hoseok down and he looks so broken.

For the first time I don't feel sorry because he has no idea the pain I've carried around with me all this time. It wasn't like I could call anyone to vent to or even pick me up we agreed not to tell anyone just yet.

"And then when I finally get home...the first thing I see is you...with her..."

My voice cracks once again and he makes a move towards me, I quickly step away and shake my head no.

"Y/n you have to let me explain, what you saw was nothing. I swear nothing happened with her, why would I do that? Why would I cheat on you when we were so happy and about to have a baby? It makes no sense. Please baby just listen to me...you have to believe that I wouldn't hurt you like that"

"If that's true, why did you keep Mila a secret all these months? Why did you keep her a secret...you had been talking to Eva and texting her before we found out about the baby Hoseok...all you do is lie to me and all I've ever done is love you and I'm so tired of loving you...I'm so fucking tired"

He's crying again but I don't let it effect me, I force myself to walk away. Slowly making it upstairs to my office so I can lock myself away from all this bullshit. I didn't want to hear his pathetic excuses anymore, I just wanted to cry and finally breath.

~~~

Hoseok POV
A few days later

"I should kill you right now"

I watch as Yoongi sprawls out on my couch "For what exactly? And are we going soon? I don't want to be late, Tae will kill me"

I roll my eyes and throw a pillow at his face. I wasn't even sure why I invited him over in the first place, I felt so pissed off these past few days. Y/n wouldn't listen to me and to see her so hurt like that was giving me nightmares.

Maybe it's what I deserve though. After all she was right, I wasn't there for her and she walked in on me and an ex...not that we did anything but she sure was trying. I was so stupid to even let her back in my life, I should of never texted her back in the first place nor should I have opened the door that night.

I was happy with y/n...I loved her more than anything...fuck I'm so stupid.

"Are you having a mental breakdown right now? If so wake me when your done"

This time I slap Yoongi because the soft pillow wasn't enough. "Why the fuck did you tell y/n about Mila?" He laughs, literally laughs in my fucking face.

"Better question why didn't you? You've been seeing this chick for what six months now? She practically lives with you...y/n deserves better than that Hoseok we both know it"

I couldn't even be mad at the smug asshole cause he had a point. "I was trying to spare her feelings, I didn't want to hurt her" he rolls his eyes and gets to his feet "Well congratulations you've been doing that for years now, is your lady ready or what? We're going to be late"

I look at him confused and for a moment I forget that Mila is even here. "Babe we gotta go!" I shout still looking at Yoongi, he shakes his head and heads towards the door. "I'll be waiting in the car, again why did I agree to ride with you two?"

"Because your a lazy asshole who needs to be babied all the damn time"

He chuckles "I'm not lazy first of all and the only person who babies me is my man." He winks at me before heading out the front door. What the fuck was with this guy?

"Sorry I took so long babe, how do I look?"

I glance up and smile when I see Mila do a slow spin in her dress, she looked beautiful. But of course my mind instantly goes back to y/n, thinking how much better she would look in that dress.

Everyone thinks I moved on so fast and easy and that this divorce was a mutual thing but a lot of our friends didn't know how much I fought y/n on staying together and working it out.

It wasn't easy, nothing was when it came to our relationship. But every fight and hurdle we overcame along the way was worth it.

Y/n was worth everything...but I fucked that one up and I don't think I'll ever get a second chance. It took her 6 months after we got divorced to even consider being in the same room as me.

"You look beautiful babe"

~~~

Meh 😕