freakshow

whatever it takes.

My mom grabs my arm without even asking what's wrong. I noticed Jimmy giving her a dirty look and we walked away. "Who was that?" My mother asks me in a snarky tone. "It was just a friend mother." I'm still kind of stuck in a trance. It's weird. When we were at the show, I felt happy and excited. As soon as we got into the car, all those feelings went away. Like a river of sadness and depression came through my brain and washed out all the joy. We slowly start to drive away. I look back at the freak show and see all the freaks watching our car drive away.

~time skip to when they get home~

We pull into the driveway of our light blue, one story house. I rush out of the car and go straight to my room. I slowly change out of my dress into a pair of pajamas. I slump down into my twin sized bed, and I just lay there. My mind is blank yet still I have so many emotions. Most of them aren't good ones. I wish I could get rid of them. Get rid of me. Maybe if things were the same way they were before my father died, I wouldn't have to feel this way. My mind starts to wonder and I think, maybe if I go back i'll feel...different. Better. Back to the "freaks". But my mother would never allow it. She wants me to be happy but she never lets me do the things that I wish to do. Even if the things are small and unimportant. So as long as she's in the way, I'll never get to go back. So maybe to be happy, I have to get her out of the way. She's the one holding me back. She needs to be gone, and i'll do whatever it takes to go back. Whatever it takes.